Stuff you just can't explain to dogs

[HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen]

IT'S A PEACH!!!!!!!!

It's not a ball. I am eating it, see? Stop sitting, it's a peach. Go away its a peach. It's not a ball, sod off. Look. Just. Let. Me. Eat. The. Peach.
No! It's not a ball.

Let's go find your ball.

THERE IS NOT A PENGUIN IN THE GARDEN!!!!!!

Woof woof! Woof! Grrrrrrr woof wooooooof! Grrr!

Shush! Settle. Good gir....

Woof arooooooooooooooow woofwoof grrrrrrrrrrr

Look the penguins on t.v. See? That's a reflexion on the window now settle. Good gir.......

Woof woof grrrrrrrr

Grrrrrrrr woof

Woof! Woof? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THERE ARE NO PENGUINS IN THE GARDEN IT'S THE TELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I'm not the only one with stuff I can't explain to dogs. 'Fess up please.

That I need to clean your lip fold with hibiscrub because it might get infected and it stinks.
Please sit still and let me.
Running off and rolling over isn't helping.
Neither is trying to catch my feet.

Sigh

The tub of recycling rubbish is not a dog toy box...

It's quite bad manners to barge through the bathroom door and sniff a human's bum when they are trying to go to the loo

Nor are tin cans a sensible item to chew in the garden. The brick on the lid of the recycling box is not there for an intersecting challenge its to stop you getting in it.

No not everything is a chew toy for you - no please put the washing back on the airer that doesn't need chewing either.

Please stop bashing the cat with your paw, he's being very patient and not swiping you..... Leave the cat alone..... Stop mouthing the cat..... Oh for god sake cat swipe him and show him.

Stop jumping on the sofa, stop using the cushions as springs.

Oh good you shredded that pile of paperwork for me...... Next time try and get the right pile not the important pile.

Yes I do love you, honestly, I do, yes with those cute puppy dog eyes, oh wow was that your arse (gag) ugh go away!

The people in the next garden are supposed to be there, they live there, you see them there at least twice a week.

I realise that they don't fawn over you like you think you deserve - but that doesn't in itself make them suspicious.

That pissing up the back of the settee is just not on.

It smells fine as it is.

Ooo and 'please stop growling at old people - there is nothing wrong with them. No stop please. '

VerySmallSqueak

Dogs don't understand basic concepts like moving

Near neighbours dogs, I am posting a letter in the box across the lane from your gate not burgling your house. There is absolutely no reason to bark your heads off.

The same goes for several other dogs round here, used to be a nightmare trying to take a DD out and hopefully asleep in the pushchair.

Yes, nasty people do rob sheds round here and yes it's excellent to bark if people appear your side of the gate, but please let us walk down the lane in peace.

LOL!

No, no one is outside the reason why the motion sensor drive light is being switched on all the time is because of the trees being moved by the wind as it is a windy night . So stop getting wound up

You do not need to bark your silly fool head off at the postman, or the neighbours, or the man getting out of his van half way up the road, or the kids coming in from school. You are making my head spin with the barking. Enough already with the bloody barking. The neighbours have every bloody right to walk up their OWN drives!

The hairy thing chasing you from time to time is attached to you. It's your tail (and people say Mini Schnauzers are intelligent, I beg to differ).

The people you can see on the footpath from the front room are not on your territory, they have a right to walk there without being barked at.

Tissues are not food. Nor are cardboard boxes.

The edging around the garden bed is not there for you to practice agility with, it is there to stop you from stomping on the plants.

Sometimes on the weekend bedtime is later than normal. Sitting on the couch yawning ostentatiously will not change this.

When I lie on the floor that is not an invitation for you to sit on my head.

I could go on!

We know you love the postman but there's no point taking a toy with you when he rings the bell - he hasn't got time to play with you.

When I bend down to fasten my trainers its not an invitation for a full on boxer kiss (eugh).

Standing and looking intently at the fridge or the oven will not make it magically open.

I said has anyone seen my DOOR KEYS? Not WALKIES! We only got back 10 mins ago!

LOVE THIS

The DCs run up the stairs, its just what children do. No they are not asking you to play with them when they do it and so you don't need to sprint from wherever you are barking at them to play.

Oh and I know daddy has been away for 6 months and you are the man of the house protecting us but when the man comes to fix the heating I would appreciate you letting him in rather than going psycho dog on him.

I don't do kisses with tongues with anything that hasn't cleaned its teeth.

my little dog thought the children's red noses were balls yesterday

VerySmallSqueak

(I also don't do kisses with anything that sticks its nose in every patch of dog wee it can find)

Our cat poos in the garden flower bed because she needs to.
Not because its for you to eat after your breakfast.

Dont scrag up the grass after you have had a wee.

Then do this at me, when I bang on the window for you to STOP doing both of the above!

i love you more than than anything, really pickle bum bum

At Night in the Scone household

It is the moon.

The moon. Not an alien spaceship about to beam us all up.

Stop growling. It is the moon. Comes and goes I know, very confusing, but really it has done this for the entire 10and a half years you have been on the planet.

It is the moon. It is allowed to be in the sky.

During the day in the Scone household.

It is a vapour trail. Yes, it is a plane, clever boy. No, there is no point barking at it.

It is a jet trail, it cannot fall to the earth and wrap us in silvery tentacles.

Please don't bark. Or growl. Pleeeease....