Stuff you just can't explain to dogs

[HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen]

IT'S A PEACH!!!!!!!!

It's not a ball. I am eating it, see? Stop sitting, it's a peach. Go away its a peach. It's not a ball, sod off. Look. Just. Let. Me. Eat. The. Peach.
No! It's not a ball.

Let's go find your ball.




THERE IS NOT A PENGUIN IN THE GARDEN!!!!!!

Woof woof! Woof! Grrrrrrr woof wooooooof! Grrr!

Shush! Settle. Good gir....


Woof arooooooooooooooow woofwoof grrrrrrrrrrr

Look the penguins on t.v. See? That's a reflexion on the window now settle. Good gir.......

Woof woof grrrrrrrr



Grrrrrrrr woof







Woof! Woof? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THERE ARE NO PENGUINS IN THE GARDEN IT'S THE TELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









I know I'm not the only one with stuff I can't explain to dogs. 'Fess up please.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

That tiny creature is a mouse. It is smaller than your paw, and is not going to tear you limb from limb. Stop backing away from it - you look really stupid running away from a mouse, ddog1 (38kg of brown lab vs 38g of mouse).

[Lara2]

Yes that's your human brother coming down the stairs so you don't need to bark at him, especially now you're 9 and have known him your whole life! It's still him, he didn't go upstairs and morph into some stranger!

[Peanutbutternutter419]

Surprisingly we wouldn't gave known you'd been curled up on the sofa while we were out but the guilty look on your face and the fact that you haven't run over excited to see us gives you away.
The same thing when i pick up an empty cat bowl and you look away with your nose in the air, you've been with us for 4 years...we know your guilty face. Silly LuLu Lab!

Yes, that dog is playing with a ball in the park. It is not a crime. Just because you don't like to play ball doesn't mean you have to go charging towards them barking when they are chasing theirs. That is not how you make friends.

The cat is in your bed, i can see him, does not mean you are allowed on the sofa so stop staring from me to the empty seat next to me. You will not be told 'up'. If your that bothered get the cat off your bed, you realise you are bigger than him and he will move if you attempt to sit!

So funny!

[barkingtreefrog]

I realise I reached forwards for something and momentarily left a space behind me, that was not an invitation to stretch out on the sofa and take my place.

You are wet. You might have curled up into a ball and shut your eyes but no matter how sneaky you are I still see you on the sofa. GET OFF!

What?! When did you get back on the sofa?! How long have you been sitting there next to me?!

[Tooloudhere]

I know you are trying to help but I can clean my own glasses. Puppy slobber does not help me to see through them.

The dishwasher is not a self service cafe.

Thanks for digging a really big hole in the garden, suppose I had better buy a plant to put in it.

Oh and the comfy armchair is mine you are not to go on it, especially after gardening.

[coffeeinbed]

I don't know how my dogs knows when he's coming in the car, but he does.
As for the pub, he's always hopeful. He gets lots of attention there.

[TheRealFellatio]

Just because when we leave the house and get in the car with you, and we go to the beach or the park or the woods, it doesn't mean that every time we leave the house and get in the car without you we are going to the beach, the park or the woods.

Honestly. We are doing dull things - not frolicking in the sea or running through fields. we are at the shops, or at work. It's boring. You wouldn't like it.

[coffeeinbed]

No, you're not coming with us tonight.
I know you love the pub, but no, once in a while a dog-free evening can be quite enjoyable.
Barking won't help.

[thewhistler]

Motorcyclists are not other animals, FGS. If you suddenly scream at them they become cross. Then they are cross with ME. FFS shut up!

It's not my fault you got that sausage stuck in your throat.

(Great thread)

[changeforthebetter]

Lovely thread - can I just say, certain cats (changecat2 - RIP) do the back door/front door when it's raining too! Changecat3 just meows imperiously at me as if inclement weather is my fault. I am currently being harangued because it is snowing!

[TheRealFellatio]

This thread is probably not really selling dogs to all the dog refusniks out there.

[TheRealFellatio]

Oh God.

I have a dog who will move heaven and earth to try to get to one of my used kleenex before I can put it in the bin. I literally have to fight him off. He watches with huge anticipation as I blow my nose and then, if he can manage to grab from me, he bolts it down as quickly as he can so I can't get it back off him.

Who knew I tasted so irresistible?

[LaurieFairyCake]

Every day when she comes back from school her butt smells the same

No, you don't need to sniff it - it smells the same

She really won't have shat herself, she's 14

And no, she's not happy you chewed on her used tampon either

[BoyMeetsWorld]

You don't have to make it your mission to slobber at eye level. I can see it, believe me, wherever it is. This is taking territory marking too far...

[meah]

When ever I'm rummaging through a load of junk, paper looking etc. desperately looking for, usually my keys, this does not mean I've called you over to have a nose through everything and block my view, there is nothing of your there and NO we're not playing find the toy!
I swear i have the nosiest GSD in the entire Universe !!

[MothershipG]

Ddog1 - yes I do love you, but it doesn't matter how many times you nudge me you will not be getting a fuss because, hard as you find it to believe, I do not love l'eau de renard as much as you appear to.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Martyr - my 32kg lab-pointer cross firmly believes she is a lapdog. And insists on getting on your lap - which makes mumsnetting on the ipad, knitting, or watching tv impossible - in fact the only possible activity is admiring and making a fuss of the dog. She's not stupid unlike our chocolate lab who is so dim she is practically zero wattage.

[iseenodust]

If you continue to eat snow you will end up shivering and your teeth really will chatter. Chose to ignore my sound advice, can I say told you so?

Just like yesterday if you continue to eat snow....

[KateSMumsnet]

Cat poo is not a delicious treat. It is poo. Please stop eating it.

Sometimes you can walk on the grass, you don't HAVE to find the muddiest, wettest stretch of field and tromp through it.

When I'm chasing you around with a towel, we're not playing a game. Just stay still, come here..oh wait, no dry yourself off on my leggings, much better idea. Yes.

[MartyrStewart]

Dog 1 - Nobody likes a muddy Labrador. That is all.

Dog2 - I know you are still a baby, but you are also a 32kg GSD. You will not fit on my lap however small you try to make yourself.

And to both of you - the kitchen bin is not a buffet laid on by me.

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

You wll never be allowed to eat the chickens. Yes, I know that they deliberately stand on the other side of the glass doors and peck at you, but you cannot bite them through the glass. You're just mankifying my windows.

It is not the other dog which is upsetting me. It is your unsociable response to said dog. Jumping in its face and yelling 'FUUUUUUCK OOOOOOOFFF' causes me stress and means we have to leave forthwith. You don't get extra ball throws for getting rid of the other dog

Yes, I love you. Yes, I will forgive you almost anything. But when you get as muddy and disgusting as possible and then run hell for leather upstairs and roll all over my bed, we're going to fall out. It is not cool.

[tabulahrasa]

Digging the laminate floor will not make it any comfier to lie on, no not even if you dig it louder, dear god, stop it, please! You have not one but 4 beds, carry one over here if you feel the need but please stop making that noise...

[TheRealFellatio]

Oh, and stealing curry will give you the runs at 3am. Although you know that now, don't you?

[TheRealFellatio]

When we skype your big (human) brother and best friend while he is away at university you have to learn to look at the screen. I know you recognise his voice but you don't seem to grasp that he is not hiding behind the computer, or under the desk or in fact, not even in the room at all. He is on the screen. Like with telly. Geddit?

[thewhistler]

It is extremely rude not to say badly brought up to peer up ladies' skirts.

Humping is pointless now you've had the snip.

You are never going to get that fox.

Yes, I remain attached to the lead.