Stuff you just can't explain to dogs

[HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen]

IT'S A PEACH!!!!!!!!

It's not a ball. I am eating it, see? Stop sitting, it's a peach. Go away its a peach. It's not a ball, sod off. Look. Just. Let. Me. Eat. The. Peach.
No! It's not a ball.

Let's go find your ball.




THERE IS NOT A PENGUIN IN THE GARDEN!!!!!!

Woof woof! Woof! Grrrrrrr woof wooooooof! Grrr!

Shush! Settle. Good gir....


Woof arooooooooooooooow woofwoof grrrrrrrrrrr

Look the penguins on t.v. See? That's a reflexion on the window now settle. Good gir.......

Woof woof grrrrrrrr



Grrrrrrrr woof







Woof! Woof? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THERE ARE NO PENGUINS IN THE GARDEN IT'S THE TELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









I know I'm not the only one with stuff I can't explain to dogs. 'Fess up please.

[TheRealFellatio]

The laser pen only works when mummy turns it on and waves it around in the dark. No amount of staring at it on the shelf is going to make it spring to life for your endless entertainment.

[FloatyBeatie]

Strutting along the pavement with your squeaky Mr Man dog toy doesn't make you look like "a solid wall of pure alpha, a lord among dogs" as you put it. It makes you look sweet -- yes, sweet. Old ladies coo over you.

[pinkbear82]

Yes you have been bathed today. No you don't need to roll in the mud. Yes that is your bedding on the line, drying, that too has been washed. No please don't pull it off the line and parade with it around the garden....well the thought of having u and your bedding clean and less smelly was there!

[colditz]

That cat is not ever going to fall off that wheelie bin and through the letter box, no matter how much you stare at it through the window.

[Owllady]

why are you still barking out of the window? they are in the house now

[TheRealFellatio]

Eau de Fox might be all the rage in Dogland, with its animalistic top notes and its earthy, musky base notes, but us human girls just don't go for it. It doesn't make us wild with desire, in spite of what the advert tells you, so cease and desist, please.

[Owllady]

oh my dog is terrible for that atm fellatio :(

[TheRealFellatio]

Laying on the kitchen floor and wrapping yourself around my feet lovingly while I am cooking the dinner does not mean that I will give you some, although it may mean that I drop a boiling pan on your head.

[TheRealFellatio]

And when we go to the beach at weekends and you are all wet and sandy, why do you come and stand right next to me before having a really good shake? Why? A polite dog would stand a few feet away. You seem to think I want to be showered in sea water infused with sand and dog hair.

I really don't.

[TheChimpParadox]

you will never catch a squirrel !

[pugoff]

Refusing to walk thro puddles and making me lift you over them doesn't do anything for your image as a silly dog, nor mine - DDog1

Also a bit soppy but to DDog1 & 2, I know I'm due to have a baby soon but I love you both so much you are like my human babies and we will continue to love you no matter what.

[LtEveDallas]

Ahh Chimp - MuttDog did catch a Squirrel - but let it go when it bit her on the nose hasn't stopped her trying to get another one though!

[Mynewmoniker]

No! It is no time to turn into a collapsable slinky when I'm brushing you; I need you standing on all fours upright so I can access all areas.

After brushing I don't think there's any need to spin round and round in a fit like fashion...it's not a good look.

[OrbisNonSufficit]

Chimp Our dog DID actually catch one once - it slipped off the garden edge while it was trying to run away. But he's so daft (thinks he's a person not a dog) that he tried to grab it with both of his front legs instead of his mouth. So it got away. Hilarious!

[pinkbraces]

Yes, you are very gorgeous,but not everyone appreciates all 25,kg of muddy wet dog jumping all over them. When we say down, please please sit down!

[TheChimpParadox]

I'm sure if she ever did catch a squirrel she would be so shocked she'd drop it !

[TheChimpParadox]

Is it 'roll in fox poo' season ? She hadn't done it for ages but at moment she is stinking the place out !

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

It is always roll in fox poo season for our ddogs. Except when it is roll in runny, green, dead seal season. Now that was special!

[beansmeansbooks]

Dog1 - You're right, I do appear to be eating something! Although it seems incredible, some of the food in this house does not in fact belong to you and is very likely to be eaten by someone other than you.

Dog2 - Really there is no need to line up your food in order of preference all along the kitchen floor before eating it. You could just eat it.

Dog1 - Well, what do you think it is? It's dirty yellow / slimy green, fuzzy and round, and it looks exactly like the several hundred tennis balls you've previously loved, obsessed over, lost under the sofa and dug back out again, fetched, dropped, peeled, mauled and eventually lost. So, on consideration, I'd say it's probably a tennis ball.

Dog 1 - Dog 2 isn't actually into tennis balls; when he picks one up and makes a big fuss about one, he's not really after a game but only does it until you shift your big butt off his favourite spot on the sofa to join in and thus permit him to claim the pre-heated seat.

Dog 2 - it's not very nice to pretend to need to go and pee in the garden until your dad vacates his armchair, and then to claim said armchair before he has the chance to sit back down again. You know he's a softie and won't boot you out! And yes, I have seen through your devious little mind.

[Ullena]

Davedog - Whilst I do appreciate that you enjoy a good book, I feel that we have very different views on the meaning of getting your teeth into something...

Runtypuppy - We still exist when we are out of sight. No, really we do. No, you don't need to bark at the universe until it makes new copies of us for you...

Colliedog - Everything sleeps. Even you. Yes, really. Go to sleep. Fine, bring the toy...

Ditzylab - It's snowing. Come indoors before we are accused of neglect. No, don't run to the far end of the garden...

Eldestdog - Get up, it's breakfast time. Come on now. No, you can't eat it in our bed. No, put your bowl down! Never mind, the sheets will wash...

[ColdHandLou]

Yes other people are allowed to walk up our road & no not everyone sitting on a bench will have treats for you

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

ColdHandLou - I am just glad we live in a cul de sac. If we lived on a road with traffic and pedestrians going past all the time, ddog2 would bark herself - and me - into a nervous breakdown within a day!

[TheChimpParadox]

Just because somebody looks at you and smiles doesn't mean they are in love with you !

[MothershipG]

Inspired by TheChimp

Ddog1 - Just because someone smiles at you that doesn't mean they love you and want you to jump up to kiss them (and if they are wearing smart clothes, they really don't want you to!)

[shashep]

Please get into the car - it's 2 weeks ago that i left you at the vet (because you ate a stone) it is safe to get in and go nice places again.

However persistent you are (and you were starting to worry the builders) you cannot catch every one of the tiny little white balls thrown for you. It was hailing. It happens.

And stop weeing at the vets, on the vets, and thinking because you get on the table there, that you can also climb on the chairs in the waiting room and onto the receptionist's desk. Am ashamed to be seen with you!