Not sure I can do this anymore (please don't flame me) (long)

[Solo2]

I don't think I can do this....I've been up the entire night with Rollo (1 yr old golden retriever) who has developed diarrhoea - again.

Anyone who know his history, will be aware that he had this recurrently for about 5 months, where each time he came off antibiotics, he got ill again. I spent nights and days hosing the lawn and kitchen, had no sleep, could never ignore him of he howled at night, as it usually meant he needed to poo...I spent about £2,000 on vet/ vet hospital fees.

I've found it SO stressful having a dog that even when he's not been ill and has withdrawn from medications and now off everything for about 1.5 months, it's been really difficult. I am constantly torn between Rollo's needs and my children's needs and am massively more stressed than I've ever been and a massively worse mother (solo mum) than I've ever been.

Latterly, Rollo hasn't been able to go off-lead as he discovered hunting and won't come back when called. I'm working on this. I've decreased my self-employed earnings to free up enough hrs in the day to do dog walks and training. I pay vast amounts at w/es and school hols to have the dog looked after by his lovely trainer, so that I can focus on the DCs and keep - barely - on top of household tasks and business paperwork.

However committed I am, I did say to myself that, if Rollo got diarrhoea again, I'd have to rehome him. I'm not sure it's fair on my DCS NOT to rehome him really, as I can't give them what they need and give Rollo also what he needs. I feel despairing.

I signed a contract with the breeder that she'd be informed and have a say in rehoming but my DCs - who keep definitely WANTING to rehome him (they have nothing to do with him at all and never really wanted him) and definitely NOT wanting to rehome him, think they could live with him being rehomed near to us where we could still see him.

I'd LOVE my dog trainer to have him - IF she could/would (she has 3 dogs of her own and lives in a tiny flat but she's known Rollo since he was 7 weeks old and often has him to stay). However, I haven't even approached her about this yet. She was supposed to have him this w/e but obviously can't/won't given he's ill and I've NO idea how to manage the w/e (I'm working Sat. am anyway) and have a sick dog and the DCs too...

She would be brilliant at knowing who locally could have him BUT I'm supposed to do this through the breeder who isn't local to us and hasn't had any contact with us/ Rollo, except an email or two when he was v sick some months ago.

I'm torn apart...I know I'm writing after a night without sleep and with a full day of work and dog-poo mopping ahead but...it's not really working is it? I know many of you will be totally aghast at my thoughts on re-homing and I always believed I could MAKE this work for us and waited a lifetime for a dog but...I really don't think I can go on.

I am barely managing when Rollo isn't ill. I must have now spent around £6,000+ in total on him in the last 11 months and LOST income because of having him too. If I didn't have DCs, I could manage. I'm not sure it's fair on the DCs to keep him, even IF they never forgive me for re-homing him.

Not sure what else to say really and am fully aware that many of you will find it appalling that I'm considering rehoming at a time when so many dogs are rehomed (1 yr+ old). He's got a lovely temperament and I'm told by other dog owners that he's 'easy' , except for the tummy trouble.

Have no idea why he's ill as he wears a muzzle ALL the time we're out and about, never eats anything at all other than his Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble (I am literally obsessive at monitoring him) and was fine on that for over a month and on NO medication. He's even had less contact with other dogs than normal, since I've had to keep him to on-lead walks....I think it must be the underlying condition returning.

Have a vet appointment later today (which also means paying for an after school facility for my DCs) as they can't fit me in earlier....

That's where I am today, after a night up and a future streching out before me
that just feels impossible

My offer of a respite break is still here Solo but I cannot promise he won't accidentally try a more suitable food

You can do a whole life swap with me if you like? I'll give you my dogs and cats and their medical and behavioural issues. And my DH and my dad with their medical and twat-ness issues. My sister with her MH issues. My dds with their many, many problems (you might want to muzzle dd2, she is an untrained JRT again atm). You can have my ft job and lack of support at home. You can deal with the may, many meetings with school and SS type people.

I can guarentee you'd be happy to get back home to Rollo. All of us have our struggles. It's how we deal with them that counts and right now, you are making yours harder than they need to be and are putting too much focus on what is wrong and ignoring the good. You're also ignoring the very good advice you are being given here that will help.

I think some of you are being overly harsh - solo has been acting with the very best of intentions in very difficult circumstances (as has minimuu and co). I got my puppy at around the same time as solo and I've always felt in awe of her dedication to his needs, when I was getting stroppy about far, far less.

That said, solo, I do agree with the others that you've got nothing to lose at this stage with at least trying this slippery elm and raw food. The vet has moreorless said he'll continue with the diarrhoea even with antibiotics. So you won't be exacerbating his problems.

Good luck - again.

I don't see any offers from rescues, Nesh, only from a couple of (as you rightly say) experienced posters. Those offers were, as far as I can see, of temporary respite, not for permanent rescue. Those people are good but not miracle workers and can't change the plain fact that a rescue place for this dog will be the devil's own work to obtain, and then some.

I think I'd trust a vet more if what they were prescribing fixed the problem... the amount of dogs with gastric issues and allergies and immune probs I've seen bettered if not cured because of a change of diet to raw or homecooked foods like chicken and rice...

Amberleaf read all the Solo threads and you will understand my frustration. It is not a nasty reply. There was no drama, the DC's did not even need to know the holiday was in jeopardy and it did go ahead. It is not the dog causing the stress it is Solos reaction to the situation that is causing the DC's stress.

The rescue my Dad works with occassionally would probably be willing to take Rollo on but and it's a big but...

They're full to busting right now. In fact they've asked me on several occassions to take on a rather boisterous Saluki pup they've no space for and no fosterer young and fit enough to deal with. She is lined up to come to us if our current fosters' new home goes through. So Rollo would have to go on a waiting list. If Solo needed him gone now they'd ask her to pay for private kenneling for him until a rescue kennel becomes free. It could take months for that to happen.

He'd most likely stay in kennels for a long, long time (see above for lack of suitable fosterers).

If it turned out that he needed a life long specialised diet they would not, morally, be able to rehome him. Instead they would try and secure him a life long foster placement where upon they would continue financing his diet and vet care. This would place a massive financial strain upon a very small, privately funded rescue (they already have two such dogs on their books) and would mean they'd have to lower the numbers of dogs they can have in foster at any one time. The chances of them quickly finding a home willing to take him in are slim at best. He'd face months, if not years, in kennels and short term fosters. The longer he is in rescue the harder it becomes to find a home.

They'd only take him on if Solo said she would otherwise kill him because rescues just don't have the funding or support to deal with cases like this.

Minimuu, I can totally get that its an ongoing saga and you and others feel frustrated if solo isnt taking your advice.

the situation isn't stressing the child - it's fairly obvious that it is the op's stress that the child is stressed about

With respect swallowed its not obvious. thats your opinion and while you are definitely the doggy expert and im certainly not. I do know about anxieties and children on the spectrum! a dog crapping everywhere each night and a mum who is understandably stressed with having to deal with that will stress him, but then everyday life would anyway I dont think anyone dealing with that could be accused of over reacting.

It is a stressful situation. end of.

Hey solo, I know you're getting some tough love on here. I would say listen to some if the advice you're being given as it frankly can't make anything worse, but I also really know a little bit about how you feel. We too had to try feeding from a kong or similar, problem is anything that holds enough food for a 30kg dog becomes a wrecking ball when 30kg dog is smashing it around the kitchen, so I stayed with him rather than replace all my appliances! We stopped using it pretty quickly, and took to just scattering the food if we wanted him to eat more slowly.

I also know what it's like to have a teenage dog whose recall has gone to pot, but you can't use any decent treats to reinforce it, and then becaese you have no recall he scavenged whenever offload, which makes the problem worse... Out slightly accidental solution was to get ours completely obsessed by balls, largely be playing fetch in the garden in days when I didn't have time to do long walks. He now compactly associates ball with instant fun, and I always take at least one with me on walks to play short intense games to tire him out when bust, and to wave/toss in air/squeak for recall.

I spent a few trips to holland & barret saying "no.... It's for a dog!" but like I said before, none of the alternative remedies worked for us, nor did chicken/rice/veg diet. What worked for us was dh completely ignoring my anti-hills rants (after a bad experience with science plan and much reading on here and elsewhere) and coming back with a months worth of ZD!

The other thing I've realised is that this is so much harder when it's your first dog. I definitely understand that.

Sorry that is FULL of typos... Offlead, completely, etc

OP I haven't had time to read the whole thread so apologies if someone else has already suggested this - have you had Rollo allergy tested? Not all vets do it so you may need to shop around. If you have pet insurance they will pay for it.

We had a dog, several years ago, who would randomly vomit copiously for days on end, and when I was pregnant with my first DC I just couldn't cope any more. We went to see a different vet who by chance offered proper blood-sample allergy testing. Lo and behold, the dog was allergic to dairy products (!), beef and lamb - all commonly found in most commercial dog food.

Apparently an allergy can make itself felt in a number of ways in dogs. Sometimes they will be ill pretty much instantly after eating the allergen, but the reaction can be delayed by up to 5 days - which is probably what was happening with our dog, and why it was such a nightmare to pin down what was causing it.

We switched her to Wafcol salmon & potato dry food and she was never, ever sick again.

As for the rehoming issue - you do what you have to do. I know that it is common for breeders of pedigree dogs to retain the final say if a dog is rehomed, in order to preserve the bloodline. Do not feel bad about this - the breeder will not judge you for it and nobody else should either. Having a dog with a constant upset stomach is a nightmare and it is unhygienic for your DCs apart from all the other hassles, loss of earnings etc.

I really feel for you. I hope that some of the above will help.

Crikey I've now read the last page of this thread and it's got really nasty. Can some of you truly not understand why the OP is so stressed? - she's unable to work as she is constantly having to hose down her home to free it from dog shit, ffs. NOBODY is going to cope well with that on a long-term basis. Have some sympathy why don't you?

There has been no accusation of dealing with the son as over reacting. Go back read all the threads and you will understand AmberLeaf whether you have a son on the spectrum or not, there is no need to jump to the defensive because asperger has been mentioned and assume that the rest of us have no knowledge or experience of aspergers - a big assumption. Again some of us just get on it, listen to advice, act on it rather than make a drama out of a situation.

Why are people so passionate about BARF? I don't especially want to have meat all over the house and have to cook vats of rice and veg every day. What, if any, is the alternative? For those in the know, I'm sure it is fantastic, as you can feed your dog(s) to their needs and become a specialist in your own dog's diet. For some people, making the change from ready-made dog food to DIY might be like asking them to fly to the moon on a saucer.
I would certainly go to a different vet if one is available. This particular one doesn't seem to be helping you or Rollo very much. Sometimes these things are trial and error, and not everyone knows everything. Some conventional vets are much more open to holistic treatments and herbal remedies than others, and although you are doing as much as you can, you may not yet have got the right help.

Why are people so passionate about BARF?

There has been no accusation of dealing with the son as over reacting. Go back read all the threads and you will understand AmberLeaf whether you have a son on the spectrum or not, there is no need to jump to the defensive because asperger has been mentioned and assume that the rest of us have no knowledge or experience of aspergers - a big assumption. Again some of us just get on it, listen to advice, act on it rather than make a drama out of a situation.

Im not jumping to the offensive, I was saying to the OP that I understand.

I didnt say anyone had accused her of overreacting in regards her son. but she has been called neurotic amongst other things.

My advice to the OP is simply that her son is more important than her dog, so she needs to bare[sp] that in mind.

This is precisely why I keep fish..

Oops sorry defensive not Offensive

Tiger, I like the raw food-based diet because I noticed the change it made to my dog. He had a sensitive tum, nothing like what Solo is dealing with, but mostly he was grumpy and I think he was in chronic pain. We would go to the dog park and he would walk around the perimeter, not interact with any of the dogs. After just a couple of weeks on the new diet he was a different dog, we would go to the dog park and he would actually play with other dogs. He is 10 and I haven't seen him play in years. He also had/has a lick granuloma that we had been trying to get rid of for 2 years, it is now almost gone. And he will actually let you touch the lick granuloma (before the change in diet he wouldn't even let me point at it more than once, used to lie on it so I couldn't see it).

I don't have all kinds of meat lying around and I don't cook for him. I tried a pre-prepared raw diet that came in burger patties, he didn't like it and it took lots of bribes to get him to eat it. I switched to the Orijens which is much more like the kibble he was used to, and I supplement that with various bits and pieces of raw chicken (whatever bits are cheapest when I go grocery shopping! - usually hearts, gizzards, backs or necks). I also make a mixture of liver and kale which I mix in with his Orijens kibble. It is no different than how I was feeding him before really.

i do feel terribly sorry for the OP and her children. I really do. But the problem seems to be her anxiety as much as the dog's ailments. It is wholly unfortunate that she ended up with a very poorly dog, but if you boiled it down to its bare bones (the situation not hte dog - obviously!) it is probalby manageable. But that is from the outside looking in. I realise is different when you are experiencing anxiety yourself (I sadly know all too well how this affects your outlook on everything), but htere does seem to be an awful lot of stress occurring that needn't be there fi OP were not quite so anxious a person. I do feel sorry for you OP - I didn;t mean to make unfair judgements. But you are not coping at all well because of your entire situation, not just Rollo's tummy troubles.......imho

Well, for what it's worth, I wouldn't be coping well either!

Surely even if OP was as cool as a cucumber over this, the dog is still very expensively chronically unwell no?

Who wouldnt find that stressful?

anyone would find that stressful of course. I do feel very sorry for her. I know I would have felt the need to bale out ages ago. . She has done remarkably well to persevere this far. So, I totally agree, but my point is that even when Rollo is well OP seems in a state of high anxiety about his play, walks, tummy troubles, the next bout of sickness, children, job. Pretty much everything. That's all. I think she is doing well all things consdidered but I do think she is probably quite stressed with her 'lot' anyway . I do find it frustrating that she will not try the raw and elm thingy that has been mentioned so mamy times though

But OP is not willing to try what most other posters are almost 100% sure will work.

I can understand her feeling apprehensive about it, especially in the face of the advise of the vets, but it is fustrating for everyone trying to help both Solo and the dog that she will not even consider an alternative.

BARF is cheaper than Royal Canin by a long mile.

I do feel for Solo. I do understand that she feels she has done her best by this dog. I understand she has a lot on her plate.

I still think she is making things harder than they need to be. Four hours on one dog is excessive.

Solo cut down the walks. Don't drive to walks, walk there and add that time to the total walk. Do longer walks/runs on days you have more time. Look into an alternative food. If you need to him to eat slowly raw feeding would be perfect. You are too nervous to try this, use another food mentioned on here with the treat ball but don't hover over him while he is eating it. Fill ball. Throw ball on lawn. Go off and do 20 minutes work. Come back. Refill ball. Simples. Training I do with other things I am doing with the dogs. I don't set aside 5 min slots for each dog throughout the day. For example: I will give a few commands before putting down their breakfast. A few more before putting leads on for waks, a bit of training on the walks. If they follow me to the fridge I might throw a few more command at them.

The only time I actually set aside training time through the day is if I want them to learn something new.

Playing I might give 10 or 15 minutes here and there but only if I time. Cuddles and attention is given on an evening once I am settled for the night, during the day they are left to entertain themselves/sleep.

Alternatively pop him in the post and send him to D0oin, at D0oin's house of madness, NE, England, with which ever food you chose to switch him to and I will try the diet change for you and get him used to running along side a bike and then post him back to you when he is fixed -hopefully-.

NB: the above is a genuine offer. I will do the diet change and bike training and deal with any squittiness it might incur if you feel you are not able to cope with it right now. He'll be in good company with squitty cat and forever humping dog and dd2 the savage jack russel

I can understand her feeling apprehensive about it, especially in the face of the advise of the vet

Im guessing that as the vet is quite probably the main source of support/advice in real life she has, maybe thats why she is reluctant to go against his advice?

Probably. Personally when it comes to advising me on diet I smile and nod at my vet and then come home and Google extensively and decide for myself.

Squitty cat has not been to the vets for his squittiness for years now because I trust the vets advise on food about as much as trust humping dog to not dry hump guests. My vet only ever advises Hills products. Hills fixes all ailements. Funnily enough, my vet only stocks Hills and is paid commission by Hills and his vet nurses are trained by Hills. It's almost like he works for Hills