Not sure I can do this anymore (please don't flame me) (long)

[Solo2]

I don't think I can do this....I've been up the entire night with Rollo (1 yr old golden retriever) who has developed diarrhoea - again.

Anyone who know his history, will be aware that he had this recurrently for about 5 months, where each time he came off antibiotics, he got ill again. I spent nights and days hosing the lawn and kitchen, had no sleep, could never ignore him of he howled at night, as it usually meant he needed to poo...I spent about £2,000 on vet/ vet hospital fees.

I've found it SO stressful having a dog that even when he's not been ill and has withdrawn from medications and now off everything for about 1.5 months, it's been really difficult. I am constantly torn between Rollo's needs and my children's needs and am massively more stressed than I've ever been and a massively worse mother (solo mum) than I've ever been.

Latterly, Rollo hasn't been able to go off-lead as he discovered hunting and won't come back when called. I'm working on this. I've decreased my self-employed earnings to free up enough hrs in the day to do dog walks and training. I pay vast amounts at w/es and school hols to have the dog looked after by his lovely trainer, so that I can focus on the DCs and keep - barely - on top of household tasks and business paperwork.

However committed I am, I did say to myself that, if Rollo got diarrhoea again, I'd have to rehome him. I'm not sure it's fair on my DCS NOT to rehome him really, as I can't give them what they need and give Rollo also what he needs. I feel despairing.

I signed a contract with the breeder that she'd be informed and have a say in rehoming but my DCs - who keep definitely WANTING to rehome him (they have nothing to do with him at all and never really wanted him) and definitely NOT wanting to rehome him, think they could live with him being rehomed near to us where we could still see him.

I'd LOVE my dog trainer to have him - IF she could/would (she has 3 dogs of her own and lives in a tiny flat but she's known Rollo since he was 7 weeks old and often has him to stay). However, I haven't even approached her about this yet. She was supposed to have him this w/e but obviously can't/won't given he's ill and I've NO idea how to manage the w/e (I'm working Sat. am anyway) and have a sick dog and the DCs too...

She would be brilliant at knowing who locally could have him BUT I'm supposed to do this through the breeder who isn't local to us and hasn't had any contact with us/ Rollo, except an email or two when he was v sick some months ago.

I'm torn apart...I know I'm writing after a night without sleep and with a full day of work and dog-poo mopping ahead but...it's not really working is it? I know many of you will be totally aghast at my thoughts on re-homing and I always believed I could MAKE this work for us and waited a lifetime for a dog but...I really don't think I can go on.

I am barely managing when Rollo isn't ill. I must have now spent around £6,000+ in total on him in the last 11 months and LOST income because of having him too. If I didn't have DCs, I could manage. I'm not sure it's fair on the DCs to keep him, even IF they never forgive me for re-homing him.

Not sure what else to say really and am fully aware that many of you will find it appalling that I'm considering rehoming at a time when so many dogs are rehomed (1 yr+ old). He's got a lovely temperament and I'm told by other dog owners that he's 'easy' , except for the tummy trouble.

Have no idea why he's ill as he wears a muzzle ALL the time we're out and about, never eats anything at all other than his Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble (I am literally obsessive at monitoring him) and was fine on that for over a month and on NO medication. He's even had less contact with other dogs than normal, since I've had to keep him to on-lead walks....I think it must be the underlying condition returning.

Have a vet appointment later today (which also means paying for an after school facility for my DCs) as they can't fit me in earlier....

That's where I am today, after a night up and a future streching out before me
that just feels impossible

"He asks daily about Rollo's quality and number of poos and is hypervigilant about Rollo becoming ill. Every single morning, DT2's first words to me are, "Did the dog wake you? Has he got diarrhoea?" He is completely panicked by this and the impact it has had on the family."

Do you think there's a possibility that he might be picking up on your anxiety around this issue, and that's why he's fixating on it?

Solo - hope you managed to get your work done this morning and have had good news from the vet. It seems to me from this and previous threads that you have a great trainer (who has also become a friend) and I wonder what her opinion is? You don't have family around to rely on but I imagine the trainer really cares about Rollo and I wonder if she has any views on trying out a raw diet as well as slippery wotsit. As many have said, it may not work but there's only one way to find out. My view remains that, if the trainer can help rehome Rollo to a genuine and caring owner who is willing to take on the financial commitment (should Rollo's problems continue) then this would be a good option. I say this because I don't think, deep down, you want to keep Rollo as he is too much for you and your family.

Such a frustrating thread.. Nevr come on the doghouse but have read the whole thread, there is so much good advice with so many loving the raw diet I am really struggling to understand why you wont give the raw diet a try. Like others say vets and sponsored so want you to buy there supplies.

Please try this diet even if you do rehome your dog - this diet may improve his life even if that life is with someone else...

It sounds like you're having a horrible time and have persevered in trying to make things work. Get the dog rehomed and don't look back.

Update: I'm picking him up from the vets at 5pm. He's not had any poos and his temp. is normal and he's responding to meds. However, he's been put back on a massive dose of antibiotics and steroids and will be on the antibiotics for life. Even then, they think he'll get recurrent flare ups of diarrhoea. They think it's an underlying systemic thing and that he'a a hyperallergenic dog. They don't think this is related to anything I'm doing, whether that's behavioural or otherwise - just a genetic condition.

I discussed at length raw food diet and they were very against it. Although the vet herself had fed her dogs raw, she thinks that Rollo is a special case and that on no account shoudl he try anything other than his prescribed food. She'd never heard of slippery elm and was also against this.

I frequently follow the advice on this forum and have made lots of changes in managing Rollo based on what people here have said. I don't spend 4 hrs a day EXERCISING him!! That 4 hrs involves driving to dog walks and walking him, training (not more than 5 mins here and there), feeding him v v v slowly - so therefore being around to refill the food ball and then let him have a bit more, throwing pieces of kibble for him to fetch and eat, toileting him - which he won't do in our garden but only over the road, grooming him daily, cuddling him etc etc ! I no longer hold his nylabones for him to chew!

When I first got Rollo, everyone was advising about the amount of input you need to give - with training and walks and attention etc. even people like Minimuu. I assumed I was being a good owner to give Rollo so much love and care and training and didn't think 4 hrs a day would be considered ott for eveything including walks, getting to walks, training etc etc. I'm surprised that it is.

I've done most things that people have suggested here, except for raw food - which I've been warned off yet again today by the vet.

I don't really understand why people are suggesting I'm giving up, not 'manning up enough' and not taking advice? I am spending vast amounts of money on Rollo and vast amounts of my v limited time. I really don't think I'm someone who doesn't listen to the advice of others and who doesn't care. I do agree that I'm stressed and accept that this is my own responsibility for choosing to have children on my own, for choosing to use most of my income on their school fees, for choosing to get a puppy.

I thought it was OK to post on here for help, support, advice and ideas from those who have more dog owning experience than I have. Many of you have got great ideas and I've followed through on the ones that I can apply to my situation. I can't follow through on everything but i do pay attention to what people are saying.

I'm not brilliant at going without sleep and because DTs are often ill in the night and I'm up with them too, I do admit to feeling pretty desperate at the thought of Rollo being the third 'person' here to reduce my sleep. The main reason I get up for Rollo is because if I don't his barking and howling wakes my DCs - not just because he'd mess the kitchen up.

I'd love to get Rollo learning to go on a lead as I bike along (just need to get a bike, as mine's long broken). Not sure how to do this, as when he's lead walking, he suddenly lunges off or stops completely and I may well fall off the bike!! But it is something I've been thinking about since he can't yet go off lead again.

I do admit I feel stressed at the thought of him coming home today and the possibility of another night without sleep and onwards. I do feel incredibly incredibly relieved when he's not here but I still give him lots of love when he is here and follow my responsibilities to him. I presume he's a lovely natured dog because of the good care I've given him. I'm just feeling unable to cope a lot of the time, as I'm the only adult here, doing everything and the DCs are not at all wanting to be involved with his care (or the cats' care).

I realise that on MN you just get a snapshot of people's lives and situations and then make assumptions based on your own personal experience. None of us can know what it's really like to walk in another's shoes....but would anyone like to take over for a week from me, please and THEN feedback how 'manfully' I'm managing?!?

caz, totally serious. You take on a dog and you accept that there are bills to pay, some of them unforeseen as in this case, right? Just the same as having a child, yes? And, just as a non resident parent would morally be expected to be, you remain committed to that dog and to his welfare even if he no longer lives with you. With a child, if the NRP doesn't pay to keep him alive, the state will, it's obligated to. Where a dog's concerned he's totally reliant on the kindness of volunteers and strangers within the rescue community. And, as much as they'd like to help those rescues haven't the funds or manpower to offer places to all the healthy dogs in need which is why, if any are willing to consider taking a dog like Rollo, they will need financial support. Try it. Contact some no-kill rescues which rehome responsibly and follow best practice and read them Rollo's story. See how many offers you get. :(

My bike lead has a very, very strong spring attatched which absorbs any shock or sudden pulling in the opposite direction keeping the bike stable. If I control a young, fit greyhound running at almost 35mph with one you can manage with Rollo I am sure. This is the one I have

Solo I understand how scary BARF can look. Even with relatively healthy dogs I found it daunting but honestly it will not hurt him. It might just help things. It's worth a try no?

Vets are not trained in BARF. They are predominantly trained by Hills, Royal Canin etc. who push their own products, they're not going to train their 'reps' in a diet far superior to the shite they sell are they?

My cat has ibs. My vet reccomended Hills. My vets sells Hills. I use Orijen cat food and the occassional chicken wings. My vet tells me Orijen is no good. My cat needs specialised prescription foods . My cat does very well on Orijen and I dare say if I had the freezer space he'd do just as well if not better on BARF.

Please just it give it a go or at the very least switch to Orijen if you must use kibble. Royal Canin is shite. The first ingredient is maize, which is a grain. Lots of dogs are sensitive to grains. They weren't built to disgest food like that.

"She'd never heard of slippery elm and was also against this."

solo will you PLEASE google homeopathic vets and slippery elm.

how can the vet be against something she doesn't know anything about??

how many people have to say that slippery elm is cheap, safe and effective before you are willing to type it into google and at least find out more about it?

i previously stopped posting on your threads about rollo because i felt that you weren't interested in taking the advice of people who had experienced similar problems.

i think i am going to stop posting again, i hope for rollo's sake that you will try slippery elm.

unfortunately i am starting to think you aren't interested in answers offering help, just the ones that reassure you that you have tried everything.....which clearly you haven't.

It is your dog and your decisions.. but you have heaps of people on here who have provided your with excellent personal reviews of different diets that may help.. They may not help but surely its worth trying...

Not your dog returns home settled.

I can tell you for sure that many, many rescues' first actions would be to try Slippery Elm and/or a pancreas suppliment and perhaps to try raw too.

I have worked in rescues for over 20yrs and we would never do this as the first action. Not sure which ones would. Personally though, if Rollo was my dog I would try anything if there was a slight chance that it may help him.

Solo. I do feel sorry that you are in this situation but I do agree with the other posters that Rollo is going to be very difficult to rehome. Many shelters and rescues are having problems rehoming healthy dogs let alone one with such an impacting health problem. I also think that even if Rollo had been healthy you would still have had problems coping. I get the feeling you resent the time you have to dedicate to him. If he does get better then I think he should be rehomed.

Solo just let me tell you a little about slippery elm (am a medical professional and this falls within my realm of expertise). It is a fibre, so it is not digested. It contains no proteins so cannot cause an immune response. Therefore it is hypoallergenic. It is a mucilage. This means it takes on water, swells up and forms a mucus-like substance in the intestinal tract. It's this substance which is incredibly soothing to inflamed and irritated gastric tissue. It is completely safe and utterly harmless. I used it with my poor old dog whose gut was ruined after years on steroids. She would also have distressing diarrhoea, coupled with vomiting. The slippery elm decreased her pain and increased her quality of life.
If you are only keen to give it after having the say-so from the vet, my advice would be to ask the vet to thoroughly research it for you and explain why she would be against slippery elm for this particular dog. This gives her the opportunity to learn about something which could be helpful, and will put your mind at rest that you are not going against her advice. (Having said that, I still urge you to trot down to your local health food shop and buy a pot of slippery elm powder; there truly is no way it can harm him, and I think it's really sad that the vet would be so closed-minded as to say 'I haven't heard of this but I recommend you don't do it.)
Best of luck.

From ceres:- "how can the vet be against something she doesn't know anything about??"

You got there first, ceres.

From Solo:- "but would anyone like to take over for a week from me, please and THEN feedback how 'manfully' I'm managing?!?"
least two people have offered that in the past. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/1253479-I-cant-do-this-to-my-children

The choices are stark and very real, Solo.

A. Continue as you are with a sick dog.
B. Try and fail to find a responsible rescue place, particularly if you are unwilling to cover ongoing vet bills.
C. Rehome privately and wait until they can't cope with Rollo, or they move and can't take him with them, or someone develops an allergy to him and so they take him to the vet to be killed or abandon him somewhere.
D. Accept that neither you nor Rollo have much to lose and be a little more open-minded about some of the suggestions here. And change your vet. A veterinary professional who has never heard of something as basic and well known as Slippery Elm inspires no confidence in me and probably none in the majority of posters on here.

The only other alternative is to have Rollo killed, whether now or when he is ill again and you decide to take the option as a result of anxiety. I very much hope that's not what you want.

Your vet thinks he/she knows the root of Rollo's problems. Thinks not knows.
I would have a lot more faith in a vet who was willing to try a different diet, rather than forbidding any changes, particularly when the current diet doesn't seem to suit Rollo in the first place.
For Rollo's sake, please at least try some of the suggestions. I've never heard of slippery elm, but you can be damn sure with those extent of problems, I would be trying it, with or without the vets consent.
If you are waiting for your vet to recommend a raw diet, or give you permission, you've got a long wait ahead of you, but Rollo is your dog, and your responsibility, and sometimes it's worth taking matters into your own hands and actually change something.
You could try a raw diet for a couple of weeks, and if it doesn't work, well, at least you've tried.
If it does work, and there is a good chance it will, you will all have a far better quality of life.

Solo so are you saying your life is harder than the rest of us?......"but would anyone like to take over for a week from me, please and THEN feedback how 'manfully' I'm managing?!?"

Come and swoop for a week gladly, at the minute I have 12 dogs 5 puppies dumped on my doorstep and my own guys + 1 foster with fear aggression, 5 DC's of which two sets of twins, one blind daughter and a DH away on commission, plus full time work, 5 days away at Crufts. Umm swop that for 2 boys one full time job and a goldie DONE!!!!

This is not a one upmanship thread about what we do because most of use are coping, it is for you to make it work for you.

Of course you keep your dog busy and stimulated but even that point you have not understood.

OK, first action was maybe a bit premature, DUSTIN. The very first actions of several of those I know might be to do a 24 hour starve if the dog came in ill at the time, might be soon after to do a full health screen, bloods, biopsy etc, but a change of diet and trying of Slippery Elm, raw pancreas or a pancreas enzyme would certainly, in many of the rescues I know, be hot on the heels if the initial attemps fail to produce results ime. :)

Solo, can you explain this antibiotics for life thing? I cannot understand that. If he has an infection, well ok, but if they are saying antibiotics for life then surely the antibiotics are not working against that infection? Antibiotics are designed for short term use to get rid of an infection, or knock it back far enough that the immune system can handle it, but I have never heard of anything that requires chronic antibiotic use. And I cannot imagine for one moment that that would be healthy!

I would switch to a raw diet before I dosed my dog up on all kinds of synthetic stuff from the vet, quite honestly. I know they told you not to, but have they actually given you any answers other than 'we think it is a genetic condition'. I was dubious myself when the vet told me to switch, my dog had been on the same food for years and years. The Orijens food is just like normal kibble,you feed it the same way, and frankly, if your vet is so against it I wouldn't even tell them that I was doing it. It is your dog, and you get to choose what he eats.

Can you tell us the ingredients on the food you are feeding him right now?

Another point (well not really another, just differently worded), If when a raw diet works, and you still feel the best thing to do is to rehome him, then just think how much easier it will be to find the right home for him.

Vets do not know everything solo.

so they still don't know what it is but they are pronouncing he'll need antibiotics for the rest of his life?? why do trust them? did you ask what purpose the antibiotics serve and how they work (and given they are all ready predicting he'll have the same occasional bouts of illness they're actually covering their backs pretty well for them not to work and to STILL keep selling them to you)?

and agree with others on vet being against you using something she's never heard of - that's just bizarre. from it's description it's like a doctor being against a patient trying out a simple source of non-digestible fibre like psyllium husks or something. ridiculous. from that description it is clear that it is 100% harmless and has a clear therapeutic action that may well help your dog. why still not try it?

your vets must think all their christmas' have come at once.

and lots of people have a lot on their plate - i just have health problems, single parenthood and the usual stuff that goes with. you knew you were busy when you got a dog - it's not like you're talking about things that have come about since. and you said yourself rollo has been really well for ages and you were still totally stressed out and not coping which tells you that a lot of this is your problem and issues that you would do well to address.

getting peed off at people and relisting your woes and tribulations doesn't change anything.

on the positive side - rollo was well for quite a while before yes? he's had a few poorly days and now seems to be doing well. you might get another 1,2,3 months of him being absolutely fine now - if so don't stress out and overthink and worry his care, try to relax and enjoy him. he doesn't need 4 hours of your devoted time - many have suggested ways to cut back and you can make life easier. focus on trying to relax and make things easier (hopefully he'll have a well stretch so you can focus on that)

Dear Solo, I'd go with the raw diet and slippery elm, what else have you got to lose? If that doesn't work then rehome him using the links to reputable no- pts rescues/MNers offering to assist; to continue will emotionally and, more practically, financially exhaust you.

God, yes, well said swallowedAfly.

Solo, wrt the amount of time you spend on Rollo, even when he's well, please consider this. How do you think people with more than one dog cope? Certainly not by dedicating 4 hours to each. That doesn't make those people bad owners or somehow lacking, it makes them them able to cope.

"If that doesn't work then rehome him using the links to reputable no- pts rescues/MNers offering to assist"

Nesh, you make it sound so simple! Just how easy do you think it is to find a no kill rescue which employs best practice and which is willing and able to take in a dog with a seemingly chronic but undiagnosed health problem? Can you name any? And rehoming privately, to MNers or anyone else, should not be carried out for the reasons previously mentioned in this thread.

Minimuu, DT2 hasn't 'got over' the trauma of facing the possible loss of his one hol. a yr - which did indeed go ahead - because he has Asperger's traits and thing like this haunt him obsessively. He asks daily about Rollo's quality and number of poos and is hypervigilant about Rollo becoming ill. Every single morning, DT2's first words to me are, "Did the dog wake you? Has he got diarrhoea?" He is completely panicked by this and the impact it has had on the family. He has a lot of obsessive worries because of his condition. It's probably difficult to imagine what having a child like this is like, unless you have one similar yourself

Hi OP, you really have had some nasty replies here.

I do have a child on the spectrum so I can imagine.

I know i'll get flamed for this but, you are a parent first and a dog owner second. if this situation is causing that much stress to your child let alone you then you need to change the situation.

...oh and id give the slippery elm a try if I were you!

the situation isn't stressing the child - it's fairly obvious that it is the op's stress that the child is stressed about.

MyPlaice - there have been offers from experienced and respected posters on here and on previous threads, either to affiliated rescues or themselves. It seems a good starting point if Solo is going to look for a reputable rescue, no?But there has been a suggested alternative course of action re diet that maybe Solo would like to try first that might help the dog. If his gut settles he could even be quieter at night as presumably he is in pain. But let's face facts - not many people can afford that level of continued financial outlay.