Not sure I can do this anymore (please don't flame me) (long)

[Solo2]

I don't think I can do this....I've been up the entire night with Rollo (1 yr old golden retriever) who has developed diarrhoea - again.

Anyone who know his history, will be aware that he had this recurrently for about 5 months, where each time he came off antibiotics, he got ill again. I spent nights and days hosing the lawn and kitchen, had no sleep, could never ignore him of he howled at night, as it usually meant he needed to poo...I spent about £2,000 on vet/ vet hospital fees.

I've found it SO stressful having a dog that even when he's not been ill and has withdrawn from medications and now off everything for about 1.5 months, it's been really difficult. I am constantly torn between Rollo's needs and my children's needs and am massively more stressed than I've ever been and a massively worse mother (solo mum) than I've ever been.

Latterly, Rollo hasn't been able to go off-lead as he discovered hunting and won't come back when called. I'm working on this. I've decreased my self-employed earnings to free up enough hrs in the day to do dog walks and training. I pay vast amounts at w/es and school hols to have the dog looked after by his lovely trainer, so that I can focus on the DCs and keep - barely - on top of household tasks and business paperwork.

However committed I am, I did say to myself that, if Rollo got diarrhoea again, I'd have to rehome him. I'm not sure it's fair on my DCS NOT to rehome him really, as I can't give them what they need and give Rollo also what he needs. I feel despairing.

I signed a contract with the breeder that she'd be informed and have a say in rehoming but my DCs - who keep definitely WANTING to rehome him (they have nothing to do with him at all and never really wanted him) and definitely NOT wanting to rehome him, think they could live with him being rehomed near to us where we could still see him.

I'd LOVE my dog trainer to have him - IF she could/would (she has 3 dogs of her own and lives in a tiny flat but she's known Rollo since he was 7 weeks old and often has him to stay). However, I haven't even approached her about this yet. She was supposed to have him this w/e but obviously can't/won't given he's ill and I've NO idea how to manage the w/e (I'm working Sat. am anyway) and have a sick dog and the DCs too...

She would be brilliant at knowing who locally could have him BUT I'm supposed to do this through the breeder who isn't local to us and hasn't had any contact with us/ Rollo, except an email or two when he was v sick some months ago.

I'm torn apart...I know I'm writing after a night without sleep and with a full day of work and dog-poo mopping ahead but...it's not really working is it? I know many of you will be totally aghast at my thoughts on re-homing and I always believed I could MAKE this work for us and waited a lifetime for a dog but...I really don't think I can go on.

I am barely managing when Rollo isn't ill. I must have now spent around £6,000+ in total on him in the last 11 months and LOST income because of having him too. If I didn't have DCs, I could manage. I'm not sure it's fair on the DCs to keep him, even IF they never forgive me for re-homing him.

Not sure what else to say really and am fully aware that many of you will find it appalling that I'm considering rehoming at a time when so many dogs are rehomed (1 yr+ old). He's got a lovely temperament and I'm told by other dog owners that he's 'easy' , except for the tummy trouble.

Have no idea why he's ill as he wears a muzzle ALL the time we're out and about, never eats anything at all other than his Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble (I am literally obsessive at monitoring him) and was fine on that for over a month and on NO medication. He's even had less contact with other dogs than normal, since I've had to keep him to on-lead walks....I think it must be the underlying condition returning.

Have a vet appointment later today (which also means paying for an after school facility for my DCs) as they can't fit me in earlier....

That's where I am today, after a night up and a future streching out before me
that just feels impossible

Has it occurred to anyone to ask this question:-

Who knows of a rescue which has the resources to take on a dog in need of this level of health care?

Hands up those who think that they can just turn up at a rescue or make a quick call, even with a healthy dog, and have the dog taken in at a click of the fingers.

Solo, whether you like to face this reality or not, the only way in which you even might to get responsible rescue care which won't resort to killing Rollo is by guaranteeing to cover any vet bills which are incurred as a result of this health condition. I hope that you're willing to do that, a dog is for life after all.

I can tell you for sure that many, many rescues' first actions would be to try Slippery Elm and/or a pancreas suppliment and perhaps to try raw too. Out of interest, can I presume that Rollo has been thoroughly tested for Pancreatitis? The symptoms described, although admittedly I've only had a quick scan of the 5 pages, seem to be somewhat similar to that condition.

HTH

4 hours a day - I despair, despite all the advice given on your other threads - why does feeding him with a treat ball involve you at all. Put down the treat ball and leave him to it.

Rollo is not ill all the time he has been well for a long time - this is just a flair up which needs management.

I think you make hard work of everything Solo and do not really want help or advice as you do not take any of it so why do you keep posting?

Rollo has had "problems" from day one according to you, from annoying neighbours with barking, not sleeping, poorly, bad recall, waking in the night etc

All of these can be sorted with basic dog management but to you there are major mountains to deal with - if there was a huge supply of people wanting dogs to rehome I would say rehome however that is not the case and Rollos future looks very uncertain if you just give up on him.

You need to man up to your responsibilities - sorry if this sounds harsh but the one really suffering here is Rollo and he can not do anything to change the situation - you can.

I have three dogs including one high energy terrier with 'ishoos'.

They don't take four hours out of my day.

Recall issues - buy a bike lead and get cycling with him. My terrier loves this. A one hour walk can be compacted into 20-30 minutes of running and pulling and he is happy to sleep until his next walk.

Buy a long line and let him run with that on until he gets it again. Loosing recall is a normal part of teenaged dog ownership. It can be fixed.

You are over thinking this and making the whole of dog ownership harder than it needs to be.

Why is Rollo on dry kibble? Even my vets are in agreement that for dogs with digestive issues dry is the hardest to digest and thus the one to be most avoided...

Solo, everything you are doing, with the best of intentions is not working. Stop feeding him dry kibble, stop faffing around with a treat ball, stop making so much work for yourself. Because I am convinced your anxiety is rubbing off on Rollo.

Feed raw, start with 4 small meals a day. If you can't face raw try nature diet wet or homecooked white rice and white fish or chicken. A bit of scrambled egg (no milk or fats added) is fine too.
Add the slippery elm and some live yoghurt.

And give it a month.

Then turn your back on your vets - they have not managed to either diagnose or cure Rollo, you owe them no loyalty - and find a holistic one.

Please.

But you speak sense jajas

Solo, we are here to help. But we can only advise you - you are the one that has to put the advice into practise. x

Right i think your doing to much (but then i know you know that anyway) if his walks are currently on lead, then he really should not be doing any more than an hour a day walking anyway (5 min rule, which i trust you know all about?) this ideally should be three 20 min walks, however twice a day would also be fine if thats all you can manage. You dont need to drive out to do a lead walk, just take him a walk locally if thats all you have time for. Just fit this in when YOU can around your working day.

On days when YOU have more time then take him off to somewhere safe (tennis courts at a local park?) to let him offlead and practise his recall. I understand you are currently not able to use food as a training aid, so its difficult. You say he's found his hunting instinct? then find a toy/ball/dummy that he can obsess over, he'll come back if thats the only way to get it thrown again. Work with his natural instincts of wanting to retrieve.

The toileting at home and feeding (when he is well) why is this taking time out of your day?

Training, only needs to be done in 5 minute sessions (say a couple of times a day), again worked round you. It does not HAVE to be everyday, it could literally be when you have a tea break.

This is a bit harsh, but as soon as I saw the thread title I knew which OP it would be.

It's obvious that you love this dog but I have always thought from your posts that you seem to be trying too hard.

Why on earth do you have to be involved to such a degree with his feeding?

I have no personal experience of a raw diet, but my bil who has 3 dogs one of which is a rescue with a sensitive stomach, uses it and swears by it. Surely it's worth a try?

I don't understand why you say you have found it 'so stressful' even when Rollo has been well and off meds. I think I am just worried for this dog that he's going to end up in a rescue.

My parents ended up having our dog put down following a similar amount of disruption. Though for different reasons.
There was no chance he ocul dbe rehomed, and to be honest with Rollo, to what end? That is A LOT of money for someone to stump up for his care. Even a fairly wealthy family would struggle.
You have tried, you have run out of money, and it isn't fair on your children. And they do have to come first. I know that isn't a particuarly popular view on here (and wonder how many people suggesting you don't have him put down actually have children at home) but it does come down to that.

solo - google homeopathic vets. then you will find that vets DO reccommend slippery elm. vets who know about it.

again, sorry to be harsh, but you are saying that your vet knows nothing about slippery elm but reccommended that you shouldn't try it.

can you not see this doesn't make sense? again it is SAFE. it will NOT do any harm. fgs just google it.

tardis -

Rather than killing Rollo wouldn't it be a better idea to explore every angle?

Solo -

A. Does your vet sell the kibble which Rollo is currently on?
B. Has Rollo been tried on pancreatic enzymes or raw pancreas mixed with his meal?
C. Has he been consistantly in good health when away with your trainer?
D. A personal question but this needs answering, what's the behaviour of your children like around Rollo? Not just towards him but in his general vicinity? You mentioned a child with SN - does that cause your DC to be excessively noisy/stressy/aggressive etc etc?
E. 4 hours on Rollo per day is excessive. Is it possible that you are asking to much of him, stressing him?

What did the vet say, Solo?

Well, either 4 hours a day is over-the-top or my dog (11mo) is seriously neglected!

MyPlaice - are you being serious?

The OP has already spent thousands..... where is the money supposed to come from?

If any animal of mine was going to cost thousands of pounds then I couldn't afford it (and I don't think many people could) and as i couldn't expect anyone else to either , you would quickly run out of options

4 hours is insane.

not trying a simple extract being recommended is madness.

not trying getting off of kibble makes no sense.

spending thousands going round in circles with vets who never get to the bottom of things or make a difference is crazy. i think rolo is their cash cow by the sounds of it.

4 hours???? i think my 13yo lab would collapse from overstimulation if i was in her face for 4 hours a day.

lead walking - you open the door and walk for 20-30mins a few times a day - combine it with posting those letters for business for one and going to see someone or something for another etc. on days where you have the time get out for a longer walk. it's not as wonderful as hours in the fields but it's a damn site better than being put down, dumped in a shelter or having a nervous wreck of an owner scaring the hell out of you.

if food has to be fed in a feed bowl stick in, put it down and on you go. why would that be a painstaking, time consuming process?

and yes you DO have a lot on your plate and no support etc etc but the thing is you KNEW that when you took this dog on. at the point you took him home you took responsibility for him and his life. there is no guarantee when you get an animal, or have a child for that matter, that they will be healthy, easy, cheap, etc.

tbh and i'm sorry to be harsh you sound completely neurotic and dogs reflect how you are with them. i don't think a dog would even want 4hrs a day of solid attention - they like to chill out and have quiet time, to fit around you, etc. they're grateful for 5 mins high attention play or fuss you can spare on a busy day, they don't explode if they only get a couple of short walks a day during a busy patch, training can be done in short bursts of 5mins with high praise as the reward if you can't use food so long as you are able to genuinely show real enthusiasm and praise.

all of this is being so much harder than needs be. this is your dog - you took him on. you need to get some help for 'you' imo - learn to relax and develop more positive, constructive thinking patterns and get out of all or nothing dramatics.

MyPlaice :- Solo, whether you like to face this reality or not, the only way in which you even might to get responsible rescue care which won't resort to killing Rollo is by guaranteeing to cover any vet bills which are incurred as a result of this health condition. I hope that you're willing to do that, a dog is for life after all.

i meant 13mo btw not 13yrs

Solo, I remember in one of your previous threads, you were relating how you'd sit and hold a rawhide bone while Rollo chewed it. More than a few posters were at that, and you agreed it was probably unnecessary. Does the same apply to this feedball? Do you really have to administer it?
Surely there must be more corners you can cut?

It does sound like you're making everything more difficult than it has to be. I have two dogs, one with health problems (including some incontinence) and they don't take up 4 hours of my day - even when I have messes to clean up. As people have said, training is often best done little and often, as and when you can fit it into your day, same for play and cuddles - and indeed walking, especially for a pup.

Do you really need to pay for your dog to be looked after by someone else on weekends and in the holidays? That must be costing you a fortune, and seems quite an odd thing to do. Fine if you want to do it and can afford to, but you seem to have convinced yourself that it's the only way you can possibly do your housework and paperwork etc, or spend time with your children - surely that's not the case?

There are dry dog foods that don't contain grains, if you think that might be a problem, and if you don't want to try raw. Would probably be worth a try at least.

For messes, we bought some reusable 'bed pads' designed for human incontinence, which are good for putting on the floor or dog beds. Better than newspapers as they're more absorbent and less easily ripped up or chewed, and they can be machine-washed (at 90 degrees if you want - though I think 60 is fine!)

The recall issue sounds totally normal, especially for pups/young dogs - as you say you're working on it, and I'm sure it will be resolved with consistent training and practice. Even in the very unlikely event that it's not, it wouldn't be the end of the world, there are usually enclosed places you can find to exercise dogs who can't be let off lead, and he can get plenty of exercise walking on-lead (plus it sounds like you have a garden for him to play in). But this is usually more an issue for say sighthounds, retrievers are usually very trainable!

This may sound harsh, but I can't help feeling that this is less about Rollo and more about your attitudes to life in general and to your situation as a single mum in particular, maybe your resentment at having been put in that situation. Maybe you need to take a step back and think about whether your life really has to be this stressful and full of drama, or whether you can take back some control. Otherwise even if you get rid of poor Rollo, you'll probably find something else to be constantly overwhelmed and stressed by.

Lots of very good posts on here, spelling it out how it is, and I agree with them up to a point. However OP is NOT coping. I don't mean to sound rude but the harsh reality is she is just not suited to dog ownership. Every tiny little thing is an insurmountable problem to her. She should not have got a dog, but has, and if there is any chance at all that he would be found a home where he is just a dog, not a problem, that would be an improvement for everyone. Surely it is worth looking into?

I disagree that no one would take him on. From the posts he sounds behaviourally like a perfectly normal teenage dog, but with health issues. There are plenty of people like me who have a set up where a sick dog can have access to an outside area at night, so stomach issues are more manageable. I'd take him if I could, but haven't room for another at the moment.

Really frustrating. I wish people really looked into the reality of dog ownership before getting a puppy.

i do agree solo2 that you sound a bit neurotic. No one would eversay that your worries are not genuine or valid, but they do seem extreme. Are you a stressy person in general? I do feel for you - I really do - I suffer from anxiety (at times) and it is awful but you do seem to be making heavy weather of things. Could you not view yoru times out with Rollo as a treat for you, taking a break from work etc. to have an hour in the elements? Maybe you need to re-think your time with him as a bonus and not a curse. His illness must be dreadful to deal with but take the advie you have been given and get some bark or whatver has been recommended. Good luck Solo

i don't know whereabouts you are but i'd rather take rolo myself than see him pts.

also kids can be very handy with dog training - ds sometimes just sits with a handful of food and throws it around the room one by one and the dog LOVES it. i also showed him how to do basic take it/leave it training and he certainly got heel work practice from ds walking round and round and round refusing to hand over a treat. also works for the slow feeding you're aiming for - though i have to say i'm afraid that from what i'm reading up on that is another benefit of raw feeding - it takes longer to eat and all the chewing and work at it gets the digestion going really well before the food even hits the stomach.

i don't know whereabouts you are but i'd rather take rolo myself than see him pts.

also kids can be very handy with dog training - ds sometimes just sits with a handful of food and throws it around the room one by one and the dog LOVES it. i also showed him how to do basic take it/leave it training and he certainly got heel work practice from ds walking round and round and round refusing to hand over a treat. also works for the slow feeding you're aiming for - though i have to say i'm afraid that from what i'm reading up on that is another benefit of raw feeding - it takes longer to eat and all the chewing and work at it gets the digestion going really well before the food even hits the stomach.