Not sure I can do this anymore (please don't flame me) (long)

[Solo2]

I don't think I can do this....I've been up the entire night with Rollo (1 yr old golden retriever) who has developed diarrhoea - again.

Anyone who know his history, will be aware that he had this recurrently for about 5 months, where each time he came off antibiotics, he got ill again. I spent nights and days hosing the lawn and kitchen, had no sleep, could never ignore him of he howled at night, as it usually meant he needed to poo...I spent about £2,000 on vet/ vet hospital fees.

I've found it SO stressful having a dog that even when he's not been ill and has withdrawn from medications and now off everything for about 1.5 months, it's been really difficult. I am constantly torn between Rollo's needs and my children's needs and am massively more stressed than I've ever been and a massively worse mother (solo mum) than I've ever been.

Latterly, Rollo hasn't been able to go off-lead as he discovered hunting and won't come back when called. I'm working on this. I've decreased my self-employed earnings to free up enough hrs in the day to do dog walks and training. I pay vast amounts at w/es and school hols to have the dog looked after by his lovely trainer, so that I can focus on the DCs and keep - barely - on top of household tasks and business paperwork.

However committed I am, I did say to myself that, if Rollo got diarrhoea again, I'd have to rehome him. I'm not sure it's fair on my DCS NOT to rehome him really, as I can't give them what they need and give Rollo also what he needs. I feel despairing.

I signed a contract with the breeder that she'd be informed and have a say in rehoming but my DCs - who keep definitely WANTING to rehome him (they have nothing to do with him at all and never really wanted him) and definitely NOT wanting to rehome him, think they could live with him being rehomed near to us where we could still see him.

I'd LOVE my dog trainer to have him - IF she could/would (she has 3 dogs of her own and lives in a tiny flat but she's known Rollo since he was 7 weeks old and often has him to stay). However, I haven't even approached her about this yet. She was supposed to have him this w/e but obviously can't/won't given he's ill and I've NO idea how to manage the w/e (I'm working Sat. am anyway) and have a sick dog and the DCs too...

She would be brilliant at knowing who locally could have him BUT I'm supposed to do this through the breeder who isn't local to us and hasn't had any contact with us/ Rollo, except an email or two when he was v sick some months ago.

I'm torn apart...I know I'm writing after a night without sleep and with a full day of work and dog-poo mopping ahead but...it's not really working is it? I know many of you will be totally aghast at my thoughts on re-homing and I always believed I could MAKE this work for us and waited a lifetime for a dog but...I really don't think I can go on.

I am barely managing when Rollo isn't ill. I must have now spent around £6,000+ in total on him in the last 11 months and LOST income because of having him too. If I didn't have DCs, I could manage. I'm not sure it's fair on the DCs to keep him, even IF they never forgive me for re-homing him.

Not sure what else to say really and am fully aware that many of you will find it appalling that I'm considering rehoming at a time when so many dogs are rehomed (1 yr+ old). He's got a lovely temperament and I'm told by other dog owners that he's 'easy' , except for the tummy trouble.

Have no idea why he's ill as he wears a muzzle ALL the time we're out and about, never eats anything at all other than his Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble (I am literally obsessive at monitoring him) and was fine on that for over a month and on NO medication. He's even had less contact with other dogs than normal, since I've had to keep him to on-lead walks....I think it must be the underlying condition returning.

Have a vet appointment later today (which also means paying for an after school facility for my DCs) as they can't fit me in earlier....

That's where I am today, after a night up and a future streching out before me
that just feels impossible

solo2 it's all deeply frustrating. There is hardly any positivity coming from you. No one can deny you have had a tough time of things but there seems to be no joy at all coming from you for this beautiful dog . When you walk him, put your ipod on, listen to a relaxation track and enjoy the elements! But please investigate a cheaper dog walker. It has been said so many times on this thread. I actually took a look at some of your other threads and you have never said anything positive about Rollo. i really hope he is not picking up on all this negative feeling surrounding him

peggy you say you have 'a profoundly disabled dd1, 1 year old ds and a newborn dd2. Admittedly I'm not working at the moment'. Not working , you are working non stop i would think . Well done you

Thanks for the replies. I have said before that my lifetstyle is at fault. I do accept that because of the life I've created, there is no 'give' at all in it. Rollo is a v happy dog and I'm really bending over backwards to give him a happy life and do everything I can for him. I still feel unable to go against the advice of the all the vets about Raw food. I accept lots of you would simply turn a blind eye to vet advice and go with raw.

Last night's saga might have bene a bnon-even in other people's lives but in the context of our lives, it became a bit of a big deal, as the DCs thought I'd have to stay up all night again with Rollo (they get scared when I leave them alone in the house evn to go to the bottom of the garden) and also they couldn't get to sleep because he was howling so much for so long. I am contsntly taken away from them and the only quality time they get with me in a day (last thing at night) by Rollo's needs.

When Rollo doesn't get his previosu 2 off-lead runs an hr each, each day, he DOES become more problematic in the home. He barks/ howls more, doesn't settle, chews the house etc.

I am looking for a local dog walker but need one who can collect and redeliver him when I'm NOT having meetings. So finding someone willing to collect him at 7.30am, before I do the school run - and redeliver before 10am, when I'd start work, isn't easy. Same again at the latter end of the day.

The reason I use overnight care with the trainer is not really so much to do with dog walks but much much more to do with the fact that I need to catch up on sleep at the w/e and as I work Sat mornings and the DCs are here at that time (but quietly downstairs), we'd all have to get up v v early again (as on school days) to fit in a walk before my meetings. Otherwise Rollo would be barking whilst I'm working. There are things I need to do at w/es too that are difficult to fit in around dog walks and DCs needs.

I appreciate what you said about the breeder, midori. This isn't the one you recommended to me BTW, but someone she referred me on to, when her own matings weren't working. I never felt at all as trusting of the breeder we ended up using than the lovely one we tried to get our puppy from originally.

I have to start work now but do appreciate the input and fully understand those who are fed up with me. I'm not sure if the amount of money spent so far on Rollo is what I should have expected or if it's similar to what we all spend per year. Maybe I should have realised. It was too late to get insurance by the time we'd figured out that Rollo's problem was systemic and chronic. I just assumed, for ages at first, that like all pups, he'd occasionally get diarrhoea. I also assumed that my saving would covera few hundre pounds a year on his vet bills and care, without insurnace needed. I'd never had a dog before, only cats and never realised that £6,000 to £7,000 could be one yr's cost alone.

Sorry, loads of typos above, Rushing off now.

it's all so melodramatic isn't it?

if the kids are ill and it's pouring with rain skip the bloody walk. as a one off it's not the end of the world fgs. no wonder the kids dislike the dog.

and a cheap dog walker is such an easy solution. who pays £40 a day for doggy day care ffs? all this 'i've spent over 6k' - you can't help but wonder that aside from vets bills how much of that was completely unnecessary.

it's beginning to sound like you just thrive on drama and self pity.

can't you schedule your meetings at a more dog friendly time? I'm sure clients wouldn't object if you had to get up from a meeting and answer the door

i see the story about why you don't have insurance has changed now.

give a dog walker a key - what do you think other people who work away from home do? have the dog walker come at 6am before they leave for work?

i'm sure there's a 'yes but' to come.

and rollo barks and howls if he's late for a walk? after a year of training from you and a professional trainer? it just sounds like BS tbh.

you knew you had kids, you knew you had a business, you knew a dog would need walking, you knew your lifestyle before you got into this.

rolo is a dog not the middle east.

swallowed - I pm'd you

Solo, grab yourself a cuppa, sit back and take half an hour to read though all the responses and advice you've been given.

Instead of immediately thinking and I can't do Y because of X, try and be more positive and think of a way you can make it work. If you can't come up with a way on your own ask us for more suggestions.

For example:

"I have to stay up all night with Rollo"

Doinmecleaning - fantastic post

Believe it or not I do get how you feel. I do the panicking, hair pulling and omg this is so hard, I will never do it, I'm a failure, the world hates me etc. quite frequently.

I let myself have ten or so minutes of panicking and tears and woe is me to get it out of my system. Then I pop my ipod in. Go for a quick walk to clear my head and sit down calmly and positively and think of a way I can do it.

i've tried sitting on my hands but it didn't work.

solo - i appreciate you don't want to try raw feeding. i did'nt either. i DON'T feed raw.

there is still absolutely NO reason you cannot try slippery elm bark powder. it will NOT do any harm - fgs you can google it and see that many vets reccommend it.

you keep saying the same thing - that you have tried everything and that you are spending thousands.

try a simple, SAFE, and CHEAP remedy that may improve poor rollo's stomach problems.

i really, really cannot understand your reluctance to try slippery elm - i challenge you to find ONE piece of information that says it could be harmful. it WILL NOT do any harm it MIGHT do a lot of good.

why won't you try it?? and fgs don't tell me that the vet who didn't know anything about slippery elm now does know about it and is certain it won't help rollo. that is, quite frankly, bollocks.

ok a few practical suggestions:

-get a dog walker who is cheap
-on days where you don't have a dog walker and are busy replace a walk with 15mins in the garden throwing a ball, running round with the dog in circles doing fast heel work and stop and drop commands - full on high energy attention that will help with behaviour, exercise needs and bonding
-can the dog have rawhide? if so, when you have a meeting or need the dog to be quiet/content put it in it's crate with a rawhide bone.
-stop making the children come on dog walks on school days if they hate it so much and make a point of never moaning about the dog or going on about it in front of them

The hyper behaviour may be down to his food. My dog is much calmer since I switched him from one brand to another. Additives can affect a dog's behaviour. I honestly think, Solo, that the anxiety and drama is revolving around you and not Rollo. He has just become the peg to hang all the angst on. I wish you well, but I'm afraid that swallowedAfly has me nodding along with her posts.

chickens same here

Swallow - I do that with my Spaniel. On the days I cannot be arsed to do his evening walk, I stand in the garden with a glass of vino and throw a tennis ball - I entertain myself with trying to get it in the netball net and he has a good chase.

Am I missing the reason why the dc couldn't just go out in the garden and play with the dog? My two will happily hare around with the children for ages whereas they get bored of me after 10 minutes .

I get not wanting to feed raw, I do (although I do it), why not try the cooked as I mentioned upthread. No bacteria, no risk.

It doesn't take long for a dog to cotton on that a routine has changed - bloody hell, mine had to cope with a month in quarantine in a foreign country and all walks are on the lead here whereas we used to have lovely long off walk runs.

It's all relative. Two or three days of saying "not now. later" means they stop hassling at that time and start hassling again later.

I think you'd be better rehoming Rollo though. I don't think you can see past the money and the vets and the constant demands. Perhaps you are more of a cat person, and that is fine (some of my best friends have cats etc).

I do wish I was still in the UK and could take him off your hands, i've always loved Goldies.

typing with poorly boy in arms,can anyone remind me what food rollo has please

misdee, he's on Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble.

I think it is Royal Canin for sensitive tums.

thanks.

not sure i would want my dog on that :s the ingrediants dont scream out 'dog' to me iyswim.

Solo, I am aware of who the breeder is and not the original one I suggested to you but someone she referred you on to. I agree you haven't had the best experience with her, but unlike a breeder like me, who has only a few dogs and very very few litters, she has been in the breed for much longer and has a lot more puppies and a lot more puppy owners and there is only one of her to go round. It does seem when it comes to it she is trying to do her best, although I admit, if it were me (and it's perfectly possible I may rehome on a puppy or dog I took back) I think I would have to accept that Rolo was my responsibility and I woul djust have to take him back and keep him myself and suck up the vets bills.

You are obviously extremely anxious and keen to do the right thing, but you are making life incredibly hard for yourself! You really, really, really are. You want so much to do the right thing by Rolo that you are actually making his life worse. Dogs need boundaries and they need you to be in charge. Clever Rolo has done a very good job of training you, but the way you describe his behaviour suggests to me he is not really that happy.

I think in your case you need to do what you need to do and make the dog fit in with you and your plans and work and the DC. He should get walked when it suits you, not when he makes so much fuss you need to take him out. Clear the worktops, give him a chew toy (dare I say give him a bone...) and ignore, ignore, ignore. Dogs NEED to be able to spend time on their own and making their own amusement. If you can manage 2 30 minute walks a day for now, I would say stick to that in the short term. Do some short training sessions too if you want, but do not make special time for it, do it while the kettle is boiling, the dinner is cooking etc. At other times, whatever Rolo does to try and get your attention, ignore him.

As for your trainer. Really?! Ditch her. She isn't helping you much at all is she? In fact, that probably benefits her as she is making £40 a day when you can't cope with your dog. Think about what she has actually helped you with, it doesn't seem much to me. Perhaps someone in your area can suggest a new trainer or a behaviourist who can do a home visit?

As for the staying up all night. FFS!!!! WHY are you doing this??? It is not realistic to be able to stay up all night indefinitely. Leave Rolo loose in the kitchen or a utility room that is easy to mop and clean, put newspaper down to make it easier and sort it out in the morning. Explain to your DC that Rolo may bark for a couple of nights when you don't let him out, but that it will soon stop and he needs to learn you aren't available at his demand. Really, they will just have to cope. (and I say that as a Mother of 4 DC, one of which is waiting for a diagnosis as he has autistic/aspergers like traits and one who has Downs Syndrome, yet my life is easy with four dogs because I make it that way)

I am probably wasting my typing because I know you've heard this all before from many posters. Please bear in mind that most are experienced dog owners and even if you do not want to try raw feeding, the other advice is valid.

Solo - the majority of us are not 'fed up' of you.
MN is great for a wealth of advice and experience, but there is a 'reality gap' in that it's very hard to explain to people in posts the intricacies of your life/work/domestic setup. You probably need advice from someone who can visit you and see your setup in action.
At the end of the day it's you who has to decide and therefore deal with the consequences. What I mean is, with the raw diet thing (which I have no experience of at all): it will be you who has to deal with it if it goes wrong (and the vet who says 'told you so'). Equally you might see a massive life-changing improvement. Who knows...

It still sounds like you have far too much on your plate though. Try somehow to have a bit of time to yourself. If you can clear your head it may help you find a way through all of this.

X

i bet rollo is gorgeous really