Not sure I can do this anymore (please don't flame me) (long)

[Solo2]

I don't think I can do this....I've been up the entire night with Rollo (1 yr old golden retriever) who has developed diarrhoea - again.

Anyone who know his history, will be aware that he had this recurrently for about 5 months, where each time he came off antibiotics, he got ill again. I spent nights and days hosing the lawn and kitchen, had no sleep, could never ignore him of he howled at night, as it usually meant he needed to poo...I spent about £2,000 on vet/ vet hospital fees.

I've found it SO stressful having a dog that even when he's not been ill and has withdrawn from medications and now off everything for about 1.5 months, it's been really difficult. I am constantly torn between Rollo's needs and my children's needs and am massively more stressed than I've ever been and a massively worse mother (solo mum) than I've ever been.

Latterly, Rollo hasn't been able to go off-lead as he discovered hunting and won't come back when called. I'm working on this. I've decreased my self-employed earnings to free up enough hrs in the day to do dog walks and training. I pay vast amounts at w/es and school hols to have the dog looked after by his lovely trainer, so that I can focus on the DCs and keep - barely - on top of household tasks and business paperwork.

However committed I am, I did say to myself that, if Rollo got diarrhoea again, I'd have to rehome him. I'm not sure it's fair on my DCS NOT to rehome him really, as I can't give them what they need and give Rollo also what he needs. I feel despairing.

I signed a contract with the breeder that she'd be informed and have a say in rehoming but my DCs - who keep definitely WANTING to rehome him (they have nothing to do with him at all and never really wanted him) and definitely NOT wanting to rehome him, think they could live with him being rehomed near to us where we could still see him.

I'd LOVE my dog trainer to have him - IF she could/would (she has 3 dogs of her own and lives in a tiny flat but she's known Rollo since he was 7 weeks old and often has him to stay). However, I haven't even approached her about this yet. She was supposed to have him this w/e but obviously can't/won't given he's ill and I've NO idea how to manage the w/e (I'm working Sat. am anyway) and have a sick dog and the DCs too...

She would be brilliant at knowing who locally could have him BUT I'm supposed to do this through the breeder who isn't local to us and hasn't had any contact with us/ Rollo, except an email or two when he was v sick some months ago.

I'm torn apart...I know I'm writing after a night without sleep and with a full day of work and dog-poo mopping ahead but...it's not really working is it? I know many of you will be totally aghast at my thoughts on re-homing and I always believed I could MAKE this work for us and waited a lifetime for a dog but...I really don't think I can go on.

I am barely managing when Rollo isn't ill. I must have now spent around £6,000+ in total on him in the last 11 months and LOST income because of having him too. If I didn't have DCs, I could manage. I'm not sure it's fair on the DCs to keep him, even IF they never forgive me for re-homing him.

Not sure what else to say really and am fully aware that many of you will find it appalling that I'm considering rehoming at a time when so many dogs are rehomed (1 yr+ old). He's got a lovely temperament and I'm told by other dog owners that he's 'easy' , except for the tummy trouble.

Have no idea why he's ill as he wears a muzzle ALL the time we're out and about, never eats anything at all other than his Royal Canin Sensitivity kibble (I am literally obsessive at monitoring him) and was fine on that for over a month and on NO medication. He's even had less contact with other dogs than normal, since I've had to keep him to on-lead walks....I think it must be the underlying condition returning.

Have a vet appointment later today (which also means paying for an after school facility for my DCs) as they can't fit me in earlier....

That's where I am today, after a night up and a future streching out before me
that just feels impossible

solo2, can I tell you a tale?

About a poor labrador who got cirrhosis of the liver when she was 8 and the vet said to my parents as they went on holiday, leaving me to dogsit, well, it's a chronic condition. We'll put her on prednisalone but she probably has 12 months.

So my parents, tearfully, but knowing that I loved that dog more than life itself, went on holiday, and I gave her the prednisalone.

2 days later she collapsed with internal bleeding characterised by totally liquid jet black poo. The vets wouldn't come out, so I carried her into my car and drove her to the vets. Oh, they said. Shall we put her to sleep? It's the kindest thing.

I couldn't do it. I came home and obsessively googled (in the days before MN) and found out that the prednisalone was probably causing the massive internal bleed. That small amounts of cooked white fish and egg white were more easily digestible. I laid on the floor feeding her teaspoons of dioralyte.

So I did that. Within 2 days she was strolling around the garden. By the time my parents returned 2 weeks later she was a different dog. I'd not gone as far as raw but continued with the cooked fish and egg (which she adored).

My parents came back. Took her to the vet who said that the diet I was giving her was inadequate and that she should be on a special diet for liver problems (mists of time I can't remember exactly which one). Within a week she was failing again. Within a month she was dead.

May god forgive me but I will always blame my parents for listening to that bloody vet.

I can understand not wanting to go against the vet's view (although for myself I am a lot more bloody sceptical about everything they say now) - why not try the middle way? Why not try a bit of cooked fish and egg white rather than Rollo's food? It's not as scary as raw, but it's more nutritional than dried imo.

scone - what a heartbreaking story. I hope OP reads it and gives iRAW a try (or your egg and fish menu .

OP, can I recommend this book about the raw diet.

I have it somewhere, I'll have a look. You're welcome to have it if I can find it - worth a read even if you decide not to follow it.

Solo2, it's been said already I know, but give the bloody dog some raw food and see what happens, for God's sake.

The vets have relieved you of six grand and not sorted the problem, why are you still treating their opinions and guesswork as gospel?

I'll take the dog off your hands, message me and I'll drive and pick him up tomorrow. If you're thinking of having him PTS for his stomach issues now or any time in the future, the offer will still be open.

scone I was on the verge of tears reading the thread but your tale has had me in floods. Poor poor dog :(

To add to what everyone else has said about hills/canin.

I took on foster care for a dog with tummy issues. I also at the time rescued guinea pigs - one of whom had a heart condition. I spent a LOT of time and money at the vets.

At the time, I knew a bit about dog care, but little in the way of health. I got on well with one of the vets who was new to the practice. In one of the many (many many) appointments I had for dog's stomach, I asked about using the sensitive hill's food. I was told (by the vet!) that they were paid to stock the food and that, realistically, specialised foods would make no difference - I would be paying a premium for a recommendation that would only benefit the pockets of the practice. She recommended egg whites, plain chicken and fish.

Dog's guts settled with that diet. I could then slowly introduce a low protein diet (burns dry). 3 years later, dog can eat anything.

I'm not citing miracles. I'm not saying I know more than you, or anyone else. But I would listen to everyone who is telling you that the vet diets don't work. At this stage, when you're 6k down and still have a sick dog, it strikes me that you have little to lose financially, emotionally and in time spent by adapting to natural diets. You have, after all, allowed the dog to dictate your life, and that of your children, for a very long time. You have changed your work. You have lost money in every way - why not change something which is easy when so many are certain it may help?

My dog had campylobactor and having always had poo issues never regained great bowel control. It turned out he was full of tumours too... Anyway, low dose antibiotic isn't expensive necessarily, get your vets to write a script and use an online pharmacy. It will be cheaper and if you have them to hand your dog won't need to be readmitted. actually my dog was STILL much better on raw, cooked, nature diet in that order and I imagine the vet would have insisted that he couldn't have dealt with the bacteria in raw...?

Have you tried other vets, some are dramatically cheaper. I have paid £2000 and £700 for the same op, the cheaper one was done out of hours!

I have heard of patients who might reregister a new history free rescue from a person in the pub at a different vets, they may take out insurance on this dog and get the vet to give their healthy dog a once over. If they needed to see the vet again with a tale of poo trouble the dog would be reinvestigated with fresh eyes, antibiotics prescribed anyway and all costs covered other than the excess. Get life time cover, never delay insurance.

Find a place to have him off lead that is safe ish, a good run always seems to help open them up! If he is good natured and under no threat from traffic bad recall makes him no different from most dogs:) great treats and patience or more training!

It is stressful, it was stressful here and I am famously laid back. My children would ak if the dog had had accidents when they woke...breakfast while I cleaned up vile, stinking poo slop was appalling for all. I would have to wash the dog and his bed also...he would lie in it...

It does sound though like he is mainly sorted, good luck with what you do.

How was he last night, Solo2?

Thanks for asking how he is, momnipotent. He slept all night, has had 2 fairly OK poos this morning and just come back from a 45 min on-lead walk. I've fed him 2 small meals today already and the antibiotics seems to be doing the trick - and no need for steroids so far.

I am open to the possibility of raw food. I really don't feel I can try this at THIS point though because, as the vet said yesterday, even the diffreent texture could exacerbate his stomach and we know he does well on the food he's on - IF he's also on the antibiotic.

Doinmecleanin, I forgot to thank you for your very kind offer. I'm a Geordie born and bred, myself but living far away from there now. But thanks for saying you'd have him and swop lives too.

As I said in another post, I didn't at all mean to imply that my life is any harder from anyone else's. I just feel none of us should judge another's ability to cope or suggest they 'man up,' until they have an inside view of the lives we each live day to day - and I was sort of making a joke but this never comes across by email very well.

Anyway, it's just good to see Rollo getting better again. He was trying to climb into my lap today and resting his head on my knee in a very appealing manner.

His trainer has clarified that she couldn't have him permanently, as she already has 3 dogs, lives in a rented flat with her landlord upstairs and as her only job is dog training and dog sitting, couldn't afford a 4th dog's vet fees etc etc. But she's always willing to look after him (for £40.00 a day) when I reach the end of my tether.

Will keep posting how things pan out.

Sounding like a better day today Solo. I am not a dog food expert but I can understand your reluctance to say to the vet " Oh some people on the internet told me that you are completely wrong."
Maybe look for a different vet, tell the whole story and get a second opinion?

£40 a day???????????????????????????

Is that because he's unwell? Because my dog-walkers daycare rate is around £18

I think it was only me that mentioned "manning up" Solo so guess that was directed at me. I do understand that it is so easy to misinterpret threads.

However I did not see anything jokey about this thread at all . You must be aware that posting emotive threads directly involve the rest of us emotionally as well.

But as I can not have another day worrying about a dog I can do nothing about I will opt out and let others with more patience and tack do the posting.

Glad things seem brighter for you today Solo2..

Wish I lived near you I love walking other peoples dogs. I don't have my own dog but take my friends Goldendoodle out every sunday for a lovely walk

Minimuu, I was trying to lighten up for my own sake, which then reduces my anxiety - potentially - and then might help me to see how to carry on. I didn't mean at all to diminish the awfulness of facing the possibility that you just can't carry on with the committment you fully intended to make and have spent a year trying to make work.

As you can see, I'm still here with Rollo and still trying to make it work. I think being able to off-load on MN forums, can make things seems more possible, when people are being supportive, along with the helpful practical advice that people give.

I'm sure I'm not the first nor will be the last, to find that taking on a dog can be incredibly difficult. Whilst it's helpful for people to see all the positives that many, many have from dog ownership, it's also useful for people to see how hard it can get. If I'd read a thread similar to my own, before getting Rollo, I'd have thought longer about getting a puppy.

I can fully empathise with anyone else who's struggling with their dog and would want to offer them my heartfelt sympathy.

I want this forum to be for people who struggle as well as for people who are able fully to enjoy their dogs. Am I right in thinking that it's too uncomfortable for some here to contemplate that dog ownership may not turn out to be posisble and workable? I know we're a group of real animal lovers here and some are further along that continuum than others. For me, my DCs have to come first but I still take my responsibility to my pets very seriously - hence my 'cri de coeur' post.

If I - or anyone els - feels able to say, "I can't do this anymore!" isn't that part of what this forum is about? Might that not mean that the poster then feels heard and supported and offered some practical advice and then might feel less alone and more able to work out a solution? I know that's where I am today. I'm not actively exploring rehoming today, only relishing the fact that Rollo no longer has diarrhoea dn that I got to sleep last night. I have checked out with his trainer IF she would have him, should I not be able to cope. She can't and so that takes me to a different place because I'd not want Rollo to be with anyone I don't know and trust.

I just need more help with him - and probably with all the rest of my life too! In an absolute ideal world, I'd have enough money to use a dog walker and dog sitter whenever I needed it and a dog nurse to look after him when he's ill too! I'm not sure how many others on here have spent as much money on the first year of dog ownership but maybe it'll be useful for others contemplating getting a pup, to see how expensive it might become, in extreme cases and how tricky it can be to have that full 24/7 responsibility for a dog for several years, yet FEEL unable to carry on much longer.

I think the idea of having a dog belonged to the 11 yr old girl I once was, who would take other people's dogs for a walk, pick up strays (there used to be loads wandering the streets and parks when I was a child) and just feel free and happy. As a 48 yr old with so many resonsibilities now, it's very different to fit in a dog than it might be for a child.

Anyway, got to take him for another walk now - which is fine, except I'm about to have another major argument with the DCs who will have to come too and it's pouring with rain here and we've only just got back in from being out, without Rollo - so they really won't want to go!

£40 a day . Blimey. Can you not have a shop about for dog sitters? The doggy day care near us ony charges £10 a day, less if you use it f/t e.g if you work. They let you use their enclosure for free if you have dogs that don't come back when you call them, which of course I don't Mine are perfect

isn't there a local teen or student who would walk Rollo for you? I bet there is! You could put an advert in local paper for dog walker/sitter and pay £6.00van hour! You could then choose who you felt most comfortable with and maybe they could take the pressure off three times a week or something. there has to be a way for you not to be running a one woman show. I hope you can sort something...

I'm really glad that Rollo is so much better today and that you got a good night's sleep. It's useful to know that your trainer couldn't take him on and, given that, I'm relieved to hear that you aren't thinking today of rehoming him.

I think dog ownership carries all sorts of challenges that we can't or don't anticipate when taking one on. Part of that challenge is learning to keep going when it gets really tough. I agree with you that Rollo's vet bills are eye-watering. If it turns out he has to be on low-dose antibiotics for life though, although not ideal, it's not that bad either. And once he's recovered fully from this episode, you can always try a different food and see if it helps.

I agree with Dooin that you should look around for doggie daycares where you live. You might be able to find a cheap dog-walker or a daycare where you can drop him off for a few hours at a time if you need to. I put my dogs in day care for a day from time to time, when I am very busy, and I think it's good for them because they get to socialize with all the other dogs. They are certainly happy and tired when I pick them up. If you can find one, then it gives you another option for when you need a few hour's free or your trainer is busy.

I think you're right, Solo2, that other people reading your threads might think twice about dog ownership. But it's still possible for you to have a lovely relationship with your dog of the kind that you dreamed of when you are younger. I would say just keep working at it, but I think part of it is that you need to try less hard!

Solo2 - not going to venture into difficult territory when so many others have. I'm sorry your dog is so difficult to manage. I once had a very difficult horse - stroppy, ill disciplined and eventually a bit dangerous because he did exactly what he wanted and not what I instructed him to do. I sent him away to be re-schooled and the ancient Gloucestershire horse trainer got him sorted out. He told me to remember that I had a vote he (the trainer) had a vote but that the horse had no vote. The horse improved a bit, but I've remembered this with all the dogs I've owned and it works. You must expect them to fit in with your routine.

I'm glad things seem to be a bit more positive for you. I completely understand your commitment to your hound. Such hard work - you are doing an amazing job getting on with it.
I hope things continue to get better!

I'm just glad Rollo is better, and glad you are feeling more 'up' about the situation too Solo.
I also think the 'find a teen' to help with walks is a great idea (doggy daycare near us costs £25 a day, and that is London!). Walkers here cost between £6 and £10 per walk, but they are adults - I would think a responsible 16 year old would happily walk a dog for a fiver. That said, with recall issues at the moment you may not want anyone else walking Rollo - but an hour on the lead with a 16 year old would definitely take the edge of his energy levels from time to time!
For what its worth, I'd be struggling with my two kids and a dog if I were doing it all myself - in fact, I wouldn't be able to cope. I'd ask for help, no question about it

Hi Solo,
I'm sorry I don't know the full history of your struggles with Rollo but it sounds like you have really tried to help him.

Why then, can I ask are you reluctant to switch to RAW when it could very well be something this simple that changes his (and your) life for the better?

Dogs are not designed to digest cereals, so it's little wonder that so many dogs are intollerant of modern feedstuffs.

RAW is inexpensive, quick and easy to feed and could make the world of difference to this dog - please consider it before rehoming.

Forty quid a day?????!!!!!

I'm not surprised she's always happy to look after him! :D

(probably in on it with the vets and they pay each other commission depending on who recommended who)