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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

How does rehoming a dog effect children?

301 replies

LeoTheLateBloomer · 12/11/2011 10:58

DD is 18mo. She worships the dog (a 6yo lab), but I'm a lone parent and I just can't do it anymore. It's not fair on my poor dog that he always comes last in the pecking order and I've come to the (very difficult) decision to have him rehomed Sad.

The problem is my ex. I've given him the opportunity to say he'll have him, but he's in no position to do that. He has started saying that he's concerned about DD, that she'll lose the one constant in her life (Hmm), will forever be traumatised and never forgive me.

My argument has been that if I do it now, she'll forget him more quickly than if I leave it another year. (Not that I want her to forget about him completely, but she'll stop asking for him sooner.)

Could anyone reassure me that DD will cope? I was planning to take her away for a few days when it happens so that she's not waiting at home for him to come back.

Any advice would be most welcome. TIA.

OP posts:
3cutedarlings · 14/11/2011 13:56

word factoryHave a feeling that im one of the posters to list how i manage, yes i now see how this may not have been helpful to the OP. However you will see if you read back that i was responding to math "she asked"!!, not the OP.

Yes the OP did indeed seem to have made her mind up, however if you the OPs last post here you will see that the advice she has been given re things like PDSA have given her more to think about. If anything this has to help her to made a better informed decision? after all can you imagine the guilt she would feel say in 12 mths if she finds out she could have actually had vets fee's more or less paid for? or her friends turn round and say "if only you had asked for help" ect ect. If anything this thread should have, help her to be a 100% sure that she is doing the right thing. Yes there has been a slanging match going on here, but hey this is MN what else do we expect?. Grin.

KouklaMoo · 14/11/2011 14:09

The OP stated herself that she loves the dog, and her dd adores him. She said she had come to the v difficult decision to have him rehomed. But later, as a result of the discussion flaring up on this thread, she seems to be having a rethink - and is considering dog-sharing now.

Sometimes blunt truths are hard to hear, but need to be heard just the same. It is certainly possible that OP may have lived to regret giving the dog away - after all she had him 6yrs and she loves him. There are genuine reasons why a dog might need re-homing, but only after all other options have been considered. Dogs should not be considered commodities to be bought and sold at will. To be fair to the OP, though, it does sound like she has found a very good labrador rescue centre to do the re-homing with the minimum of stress.

But a re-think and a possible dog share, for example, would be a very good outcome of this thread. And it probably wouldn't have arisen if every poster here had said, 'oh, there there, hun, dd will be fine, you do what you have to do.'

wordfactory · 14/11/2011 14:20

I dunno....that sounds to me like justification for bullying. As long as the op does the right thing (as some posters see it) then everything is fair game.

The reality is that the op was already feeling awful and now says she will never come back to the DH again. Job done, I suppose.

Maryz · 14/11/2011 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldqueenie · 14/11/2011 14:33

are you deliberately ignoring my subsequent posts maryz Hmm or have you decided it just suits you better to deem me cruel and ignore what i've said on this thread?

MollyTheMole · 14/11/2011 14:39

If OP flat out doesnt want the dog then no amount of advice or so called bullying Hmm is going to change her mind is it?

If OP wants to keep the dog, but at the moment just cant see past tomorrow let alone see if there is a way she can keep this much loved pet then some advice and questioning of the situation might help her see that there are solutions.

Maryz · 14/11/2011 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 14/11/2011 14:41

This reply has been deleted

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KouklaMoo · 14/11/2011 14:47

Maryz - that's why I precisely said 'would be' a good outcome. And if you can't see anything wrong with what Math said, we are reading different threads.

Math called DH posters religious zealots, opined that dogs had no feelings, made sweeping generalisations about DH, called dog owners with toddlers dangerous just to name a few.

Everyone can post what they like on here, but can also expect dog lovers to speak up for the dog.

Maryz · 14/11/2011 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 14/11/2011 15:07

KouklaMoo, dogs are pack animals. They either feel secure about their place in their pack (your family) or they do not. They are equipped with the instincts and capacity to experience emotion or attachment that pack animals feel, not the emotional capacity of humans. Their security in the pack and comfort with their place in the pecking order is what you are confusing with love and happiness.

Your idea that dogs feel attached to their home and the family is projection of your human feelings onto dogs. Yes dogs are loyal and in their doggy way fit in to a family (pack). But to imagine they are loving you in the same way that you love them is silly.

It is not a sign of being inhumane to point this out. You can value and love a dog as a dog without imagining it is somehow your four legged, tail-wagging baby.

3Cutedarlings, your posts are a fine example of the tendency towards judgeyness that is so apparent on this thread. You seem to suggest that some sort of sacred trust is about to be broken here. But you have clearly lost sight of the fact that sometimes the best thing for the dog is to get over your human emotions and find a better home for him.

wordfactory · 14/11/2011 15:21

koukla of course anyone can post what they like, but just becuase they can doesn't mean they should.

The op had already made a difficult decision and was feeling down about it. Some posters saw an opportunity to say mean things, belittle her circumstances and try to bully her into changing her mind.

To me that is all so wrong. Lacking in basic humanity. And trying to tell yourself that the end justifies the means, doesn't stop it being wrong.

The op was not saying she was having her dog PTS because she was bored with it...she had secured a place in a decent rescue because she could no longer shoulder the responsibility and felt she was letting down everyone concerned, especially the dog. If a poster like cannot be afforded respect, then it is clear that no one can.

mathanxiety · 14/11/2011 15:23

MollytheMole:
"fgs it seems some people just wont be satisfied until everyone in the DH posts "there there its ok for you to get rid of your dog because it doesnt match your rug / you dont stroke it / yes washing a towel a week is too much blah blah".

I agree with Dita, a dog is for life, people are too quick to get rid of their dogs without exploring all of the possibilities. Its a shame for all concerned

And yes Math, dogs do feel, how silly to think otherwise. But I have heard a few people come out with that to justify treating the dog like shit and make them feel better about it sooooo.... "

Have you read the OP's posts? Do you really think this is the case with this single mother to a toddler, shortly about to return to work and short of money, who has loved and taken care of her dog for 6 Christmases?
Are you assuming she has a washing machine in her house? Somewhere to dry a dog blanket?
The inability to put yourself in someone else's shoes even as far as imagining that another person might not have the home comforts that you may have is gobsmacking.

Your post was rude and dismissive and probably hurtful to the OP. (It captures the crusading fervour of this thread perfectly however..)
How can you miss the fact that she loves her dog?
How can you assume because she has made a responsible decision for her circumstances that doesn't match what you would have done that this is a case of the dog not matching the rug?

I am baffled about the extreme so-called love for dogs and the utter inability to extend the hand of charity to your fellow humans.

OldQueenie, as I mentioned in one of my first posts, I do not own a dog. The whole family wanted a dog but when we looked at what we could offer a dog as opposed to selfishly looking at what a dog could do for us, we concluded that the best compromise as far as having a pet in our family, in our small house with 5 children, with our tiny garden and low budget, was to get a cat.

mathanxiety · 14/11/2011 15:33

I walk and take care of exH's rescue dog when he is out of town, about three times a year for a week each time. He is a 4 year old Brittany who was horribly mistreated as a puppy and young dog but now has a home where he is cared for. His retraining is coming along quite well except for a tendency to pull really hard on the lead when he is out walking. He pulls so hard that the DCs are not able to handle the walks. ExH has a trainer who works with rescue dogs who have been abused providing guidance.

KouklaMoo · 14/11/2011 16:01

Math, it is exactly because OP loves the dog and has spent 6 christmases with him that all avenues should be explored. Of course people are going to question her about the reasons for getting rid of the dog, what would you expect? And can I just point out that nobody has posted any abuse towards the OP - just harsh opinions.

I am very glad you made the decision not to get a dog, since you seem to think you know all about their emotions. How? Have you been a dog in a past life? Well, you just carry on believing that dogs have no emotions and it's all instinct/their place in the pack if you want. I mean you could argue that everything, even human behaviour is just highly evolved instinct fgs.

KouklaMoo · 14/11/2011 16:08

Oh, and for the record I have only ever posted on one other DH thread apart from this one and that was about the adoption of my dog- a happy thread.

mathanxiety · 14/11/2011 16:21

She said, very plainly, that all avenues had been explored. She said her mind was made up. To suggest that 'all avenues should be explored' indicates both an inability to read and a reluctance to believe and give the benefit of doubt to someone who has been straightforward about her circumstances, which are, again, small house, toddler, going back to work, time and financial constraints.

What she posted about, having gone over the possibilities for her dog, and in a state of sadness at her conclusion, was her child, specifically how an 18 month old would likely react to having the dog rehomed. She posted about her child because she has an exH breathing down her neck and insinuating that her child would be devastated.

As for 'And can I just point out that nobody has posted any abuse towards the OP - just harsh opinions? Well, that takes the Biscuit

Are you still trying to tell me that dogs, who are animals, have emotions akin to ours? Try giving a dog some harsh advice and see how he reacts. Of course all animals, including humans, have instincts. That doesn't mean dogs (nor geckos nor goldfish) have emotions. They are pack animals. They interpret the world of humans according to their canine nature and perspective just as my cat interprets hers, and the behaviour of the family, according to her feline nature.

'I am very glad you made the decision not to get a dog, since you seem to think you know all about their emotions' The silliness continues... Have you been a dog in a past life? I'd pmsl if it wasn't so sad.

Elibean · 14/11/2011 16:22

Um....does anyone know whether the OP has actually either a) left the thread to cry, swearing she will never come back to the DH or b) decided to consider dog-sharing and left with new options?!? Confused

Getting back to what matters, on this thread?

Maryz, look at all the other threads swirling around today...lots of cheerful, welcoming, happy, helpful stuff. People hating their dog and finding plenty of others who sympathise. People getting advice with training issues. I think the DH, overall is fine. OTOH, this particular thread has become a vehicle for lots of recent angst...

I still the OP is what matters.

Elibean · 14/11/2011 16:23

I still think the OP is what matters.

Sigh.

As you were.

Maryz · 14/11/2011 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minimuu · 14/11/2011 16:25

Guys I don't think any of this is helping the OP or your own blood pressure.

Agree to disagree?

Maryz · 14/11/2011 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 14/11/2011 16:26

She was advised to post in a child-related topic for some advice that is actually related to her problem, which is her child, and hopefully she has done that.

Elibean · 14/11/2011 16:29

Minimuu Smile Oh Trainer of Dogs and People, well said Brew

3cutedarlings · 14/11/2011 16:30

poster mathanxiety Mon 14-Nov-11 15:07:27

3Cutedarlings, your posts are a fine example of the tendency towards judgeyness that is so apparent on this thread. You seem to suggest that some sort of sacred trust is about to be broken here. But you have clearly lost sight of the fact that sometimes the best thing for the dog is to get over your human emotions and find a better home for him.

Like hell it was!! it was a direct reply YOUR question, i answer exactly what you asked me and then i get called judgey?? Hmm i agreed it may not have been helpful for the OP but I quoted YOU! nobody else. I have not critisized the OP in any way what so ever!.

And yes i DO believe a trust (sacred or not) will be broken. I also agree that yes sometimes it is the best thing to re home a dog, but sorry in this case i did not believe the OP had explored every avenue, she now has a few more things to consider and think about, how on earth can that be a bad thing?