How does rehoming a dog effect children?

[LeoTheLateBloomer]

DD is 18mo. She worships the dog (a 6yo lab), but I'm a lone parent and I just can't do it anymore. It's not fair on my poor dog that he always comes last in the pecking order and I've come to the (very difficult) decision to have him rehomed .

The problem is my ex. I've given him the opportunity to say he'll have him, but he's in no position to do that. He has started saying that he's concerned about DD, that she'll lose the one constant in her life (), will forever be traumatised and never forgive me.

My argument has been that if I do it now, she'll forget him more quickly than if I leave it another year. (Not that I want her to forget about him completely, but she'll stop asking for him sooner.)

Could anyone reassure me that DD will cope? I was planning to take her away for a few days when it happens so that she's not waiting at home for him to come back.

Any advice would be most welcome. TIA.

'wanting to rehome for no good reason'

Does the phrase 'in my opinion' mean anything to you, 3cutedarlings, or do you brook absolutely no questioning of this article of faith of yours?

I think you'll find mary that if you read other similar threads that the right advice on how to re home a dog responsibly are always given very early on, im not being funny here by the way, im just going on you saying that you have had the DH hidden for a while.

3cute, nobody is a twat because they want to rehome. They simply are not. You are absolutely wrong to think someone is a twat for rehoming a dog. You have allowed your sentimental attachment to dogs to blinker you to what might actually be in the best interests of dogs for whom you profess so much affection.

To the posters who claim they could never rehome a dog - that this is some form of betrayal - I say they are at best naive.
This is the very situation I find myself in. He has been a wonderful and loyal pet and it breaks my heart, but I can no longer care for him. Rehoming him is the best decision for my family AND for the dog. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind about that. I never could have predicted this would happen, but sometimes our lives spin out of control and change beyond recognition. I find it hurtful when people suggest this is some form of betrayal. When I took him in he was in terrible shape, physically and emotionally. I'm fairly sure he would have been put down if we hadn't taken him. He has had a good life with us, but we can no longer give him the life he deserves. I have not betrayed him. I truly have his best interests at heart.
I sympathise with the op. Her life has been turned upside-down and now she has to move on and do the best thing for her family - and probably the dog too - provided a more suitable home can be found. I really think she could have done without the guilt trip.

I agree with calling the sort of people who are too casual, self-centered and uncaring to get dogs in the first place twats (I have always wondered where most of the Dalmations that were so common a few years ago ended up), but I think that in the case of those people a dog is far better off somewhere else and rehoming is a great idea.

SJ, best wishes and sorry you are going through this.

Good grief, this is ridiculous. I've just wasted half my evening trying to get through the last gazillion pages, wading through all the mud slinging and work out what's going on.

I hate that I feel I have to justify myself but I will try to clarify a few things. There are people on this thread who are far more eloquent than I am; maybe I haven't made myself clear. (There has certainly been lots of people jumping to conclusions about both my circumstances and mental state.)

Everyone seems to be dwelling on the laundry issue. No, it's not the be all and end all but I'm on income support and my electricity bills are massive already so I have to be really careful with the tumble dryer; there is no other way of drying things in the house. I know it's not a reason to rehome a dog, but when I think of all the things that overwhelm me, it's on the list. (And it's not just muddy towels, it's having to mop the floor every day and sweep at least twice.) DD was sick over the weekend so I ended up doing 3 loads of washing and drying on Friday night alone which is what I would normally try to do in one week.

My main focus is what is fair on my dog. As it stands now I don't feel like I'm able to give him what he needs and deserves. I'm in the middle of a village and walking with both toddler and dog directly from my house is impossible because there are too many roads, so it's either a crappy walk with the puchchair around the village or driving to a better location. Again, because I've got to count every penny, I have to consider how much petrol I'm getting through if I drive everytime he needs a walk.

Someone mentioned spending the last 6 Christmases with my dog. Actually I haven't been able to because he can't come with me to stay with either my parents or my sister so he often ends up in kennels which I can't stand. I'm already wondering what I'm going to do this Christmas as I'm not prepared to put him in kennels again.

I'm also looking at the long-term. I mentioned way upthread that I'll have to go back to work when DD starts either preschool or school. I'm a teacher so this means long days. With no family local and friends who all work I can't guarantee that I'll be able to easily find someone to look after him during the day. If it becomes impossible in 3 years' time it will be even harder for all of us if rehoming were to happen that far down the line.

Can the bitching please stop now? This has got so out of hand and the last thing I want is for a thread that I started to turn into this.

leo If I where you, Id just hide this thread now. Its long gone from anything that could be useful for you.

I can understand people trying to help you find solutions but as I said in my first post I expect this decision as not been an easy one to come to and you have my utmost respect for that.

I was in the position years ago where I should of thought long and hard about my dog and whether him been with me was the best thing for him. I was too selfish towards my own emotional attachment to even consider it. Its worked out ok in the end, but only because my circumstances changed for the better.

Im sorry what started out as a request for advice around your daughter as turned into such a charade.

I hope whatever you decide that all goes according to plan and you find the best solution for you all.

Leo you know what I think, I pmd you, you have clearly thought this through, in your circumstances I would do exactly the same, anywhere else on mumsnet DH letting you and the dog down would be way up the list, but not here, where a dog, however loved that dog is, comes way about the needs of a newly single parent and her small child.

I can imagine the heartbreak you are feeling, there is no need to be guilt tripped by some of this lot, I am sure you feel bad enough already x

Leo as you have come back to the thread i shall leave it now, i do want to make it clear that if anything i have said has offended or upset you in anyway i apologise. Most have my comments here have been a dig at maths opinions not you personally.

I wish you all the very best, i have a few friends that volunteer for various lab rescues if for any reason the rescue you has in mind cant help you just PM me and ill put you intouch with them.

Thanks for clarifying reasons for the debacle BeerTricks. I'd heard about DBF but hadn't realised all this was related. I know I said I was leaving this thread and the DH but I couldn't believe how many more posts there were.

Thanks for the support I think.

Bye

I hadn't realised any of this was related to anything else either until just lately, but will now research because a lot of it was coming from way out in left field as far as I could discern.

Leo, I hope you will find peace with your decision and get back on your feet with your DD. She should be fine -- you really are the centre of your 18 month old's life, her rock of stability no matter what else is going on. Don't listen to your exH on this one. What he said about the dog and your DD's stability was a sly dig at you.