How does rehoming a dog effect children?

[LeoTheLateBloomer]

DD is 18mo. She worships the dog (a 6yo lab), but I'm a lone parent and I just can't do it anymore. It's not fair on my poor dog that he always comes last in the pecking order and I've come to the (very difficult) decision to have him rehomed .

The problem is my ex. I've given him the opportunity to say he'll have him, but he's in no position to do that. He has started saying that he's concerned about DD, that she'll lose the one constant in her life (), will forever be traumatised and never forgive me.

My argument has been that if I do it now, she'll forget him more quickly than if I leave it another year. (Not that I want her to forget about him completely, but she'll stop asking for him sooner.)

Could anyone reassure me that DD will cope? I was planning to take her away for a few days when it happens so that she's not waiting at home for him to come back.

Any advice would be most welcome. TIA.

Maryz, this thread has many different posters giving advice and sympathy to the OP- it is not one sided at all. Many posters talked about the effect on the dd. But when people put comments along the lines of 'what is it with you DH people' and 'dogs don't have feelings', 'don't assign human feelings to dogs', dog lovers are going to get a bit upset. Math said all of those things - and so I agree with the other posters who said she was stirring.

Maryz, ok I suppose my analogy was a bit shite. What I mean to say is that nearly the whole of MN is full of posters not answering the OP, giving advice where its not been asked for, having strong views on their area of interest etc. How boring would RL be if you just answered a question you were asked, no discussion or other options provided, just literally answered the question. Try it for a day and I bet it sounds like two Bots talking. MN is the same.

It just seems to me that atm its 'fashionable' to have moan about the DH.

And you know aswell as I do that in S&B there would be some that would say the dress is minging

MATH Can you point out to me WHERE?? i said the OP should do as i do? YOU asked me how i did it, so i replied . NO i dont know what the area is like where the OP lives, but then again neither do you!!

mathanxiety Sun 13-Nov-11 22:38:10
But that is all very nice and mighty fine because you have decided that for you and your dog, these things are possible.

Do you not think the OP has gone over in her mind the possibilities and weighed the amount of extra work and training (and let's not forget the bit about time and money), and come down after a good deal of thought on the side of what is right for her in her circumstances, which are not your circumstances? She has had the dog for 6 years and loves him. She is not discarding him on a whim. Money and time and a return to work and what her DD needs and what she needs are real problems.

NO actually i dont think she has fully thought things through, however by posting her she now knows that she may well be entililed to PDSA veterinary care, it also made her think about asking a friend if they would like to dog share!.

As regards to the OPs circumstances i (AS YOU) can only go on what the OP posted, and IMO non of them were good reasons to rehome her dog.

When i got my dog/s i made a commitment to that dog that i would care for it for its life time, there are very few reasons i can think of that would make me re home ANY pet.

But....there is no 'you'

There is a 'we', which includes you as much as me, for instance. There are lots and lots and lots of threads on MN in which some posts are not as nice or supportive as others, and I tend not to comment on them - I just post my own thoughts/opinions.

And I certainly don't want to, and am not able to, control how others post.

To be fair, I heard some posters express upset about the OP's decision to re-home, and concern, and they questioned it - but the actual nasty stuff was not directed at the OP at all. It was directed at/between several other posters, some of whom were not on the same 'side'.

Ah - x-post.

Personally, Maryz, I would put people before dogs if I were in a situation where I really had to choose.

But I didn't hear people saying that dogs were more important than people. I heard people saying that perhaps the OP didn't have to choose. That perhaps there were solutions she hadn't yet thought of, that would help her not have to choose.

Admittedly, as she said she'd already made up her mind, the timing was not great - but then again, she did post about it.

I think some posts were more abrupt and less 'nice' than others, but thats all.

x-post again (I'm too old and slow)

Yes, there were rude posts - IMO - though I didn't see them till they were deleted. And Math didn't stay polite either. But they were not at the OP - as I said before, it was ok till it deviated from the point of the thread.

And its not about 'dog lovers' and 'dog haters', is it?

I've just read through the thread and what comes across very forcefully is some posters belittling the OP's circumstances and feelings.

She 's described as not wanting the 'inconvenience' or being a 'little overhwelmed.' When it seems to me that she is at the end of her tether.

It seems to me very odd that when somone is saying they aren't coping that other posters would queue up to list the ways in which they have coped with much much worse. What is this, a pissing competition?

All of us with dogs know how much a responsibility they are. How can any of us say that this op hasn't reached her limit? We trully can't.

EVen the multiple postings, IIRC, were more in reaction to other posters disagreeing than to the OP...

Well....thats one way of seeing it. I think that small proportion of posters might possibly say that they aren't belittling, that they are questioning - which is different.

I support the OP in putting her own sanity first. Absolutely. And at the same time, I would encourage her to question things a little - even if that means arriving at the same conclusion, but with a little more peace of mind.

Nobody here has said dogs are equal to people. An individual poster called Math a cunt. The DH didn't call anybody anything.

fwiw I find Math quite an interesting poster and i usually enjoy reading her arguments, but I fail to see what she felt was to gain by saying the things she said about the DH. She could easily have given her support to the OP without insulting 'the DH', doglovers and calling people akin religious zealots.

Honestly, I do think that Math's behaviour here was on a par to posting MRA crap in feminism. She basically denied that dogs were living feeling creatures.

Yes - have to say, please please please let us be individual posters instead of 'the DH bunch' or even 'DH regulars'. Generalizations and labels do piss me off.

I am not a bunch, and am only irregularly regular.

So there

But Maryz, ALL of MN is how you describe. Some posters offer advice, some slag off the OP, some stick to the OP, some dont, its not just limited to this topic

Are you going to crusade around the whole of MN?

And while I hate to bring the OP back into it while she is not here, but if someone really uses the laundry as one of the reasons to get rid of a dog then I think its right to question them.

Maryz, did you really see nothing at all wrong with what Math posted?

Nothing inflammatory to dog owners?

Eli I think if the op had posted that she was considering rehoming then questions coupled with advice would have been in order and helpful.

However, I got the sense that the poor op has done her considering. She simply doesn't feel that keeping the dog is right for it, for her DD and for herself.

When she was pushed for reasons and gave them, they were then dissected and found wanting, particularly from posters very keen to list their own coping abilities. That doesn't sit well at all with me.

Word, I wouldn't have pushed her either - thats taking it too far, for me.

But I do think if someone posts a done deal (with regard to the dog) and only wants feedback on her child's likely reaction, she is kind of opening the whole subject up for discussion. I have posted posts where I thought I'd decided something, but hadn't looked at certain angles/possibilities - and then reassessed my decision as a result of other peoples' ideas. It can be a positive thing.

If its worded constructively, politely, and offered up rather than forced - IMO.

But Molly that one issue is surely just the straw that broke the camel's back?
Maybe it's that one tricky thing that just brings the OP to her knees. We provide respite care for disabled DC and you'be shocked at the sort of thing that actually lead families to conclude they can no longer cope. It's always somehting seemingly trivial. But it's not to them.

Yes, I would agree with laundry being a straw on a camel's back.

Equally, I think gently offering some ideas for making things easier with dog is also ok. Key word: gently.

The thing that jumped out at me was the way in which the OP's ex had been the one to look after the dog, and now wasn't. I think thats fairly major in all this.

Oh dear, I must go and do some work.....

Word I also got the sense that the OP doesnt really want to rehome the dog so people have asked questions to dig a bit deeper. Whats so wrong with that? Yes some have been a bit more blunt than others but thats people for you (and I'll say again thsat this happens on all of MN not just this topic)

Its a fair assumption that if someone is using laundry as one of the reasons then maybe they havent really thought it through.

If this thread has been a bit thought provoking for the OP and thats why she is now looking into the dog share idea, then something good has happened here yes?