How does rehoming a dog effect children?

[LeoTheLateBloomer]

DD is 18mo. She worships the dog (a 6yo lab), but I'm a lone parent and I just can't do it anymore. It's not fair on my poor dog that he always comes last in the pecking order and I've come to the (very difficult) decision to have him rehomed .

The problem is my ex. I've given him the opportunity to say he'll have him, but he's in no position to do that. He has started saying that he's concerned about DD, that she'll lose the one constant in her life (), will forever be traumatised and never forgive me.

My argument has been that if I do it now, she'll forget him more quickly than if I leave it another year. (Not that I want her to forget about him completely, but she'll stop asking for him sooner.)

Could anyone reassure me that DD will cope? I was planning to take her away for a few days when it happens so that she's not waiting at home for him to come back.

Any advice would be most welcome. TIA.

Koukla - you should feel ashamed of kicking someone when they're down. ANd you seem to be enjoying it too.

Yes, we love dogs in the DH, and want the best for them, strange that.

No idea what you're talking about LadyMontdore? Is the OP planning to tell the child the dog is dead? And your last line - baiting. Pathetic.

She hasn't the time or the energy to take the dog for a walk and must drag her toddler out with her no matter what the weather. She can't afford the vet bills (and dogs eat too). She now lives in a small house and there is the implication that the dog can't get out and run around as he may have in the country cottage. She will shortly have even less time for the dog, who will be left on his own all day every day, and has on top of that a toddler to care for and to pay for.

'Not much that has substance' is only your opinion. I think a little less paternalism and dismissiveness is in order here. She has taken care of the dog for 6 years and all have survived to this point. Can you trust a grown woman to assess her own situation and make the decision that is right for her dog and for her and her child? The decision that is right for you might be a different one.

Goodness me, enjoying it?? I wish I'd never bloody read this thread. I actually can't take the DH generally because I can't stand the flippant way people regard rehoming dogs.

Well, any newcomer seeking info, as a parent, on dog related matters would prob post here not realising what might happen if they weren't of the same persuasion as some of you! It isn't a club.

'Are you suggesting that if a dog dies children need counselling or something.' Mine did, yes. She saw CAHMS for a short while. There was other stuff going on in her life, a lot of other stuff. Worse stuff tham loosing a dog in my adult opinion, to her loosing her best friend and confidante, broke her. We got another a dog, she slowly recovered but still misses 'my Myra'. She talks about her often.

Any newcomer to the Doghouse would get bloody good advice, which is what I got as a newcomer not so long ago.

Lady Montdore, you are quite free to give your opinion with regard to rehoming dogs, as am I. It is not a club - what a strange comment.

Aw, Dooin, that is sad :(

Dooin, what bed of roses are you talking about?

The life the dog has may well be perfectly fine but it is a strain on the OP to provide it. The OP and her child could use the money and the time for themselves. Are you seriously suggesting the OP should cut down on what she can provide for her child in terms of time and the things money can buy in order to take care of a dog in a way that she (the OP) is not happy with?

Who or what comes first in The Doghouse scheme of things?

(I have my suspicions)

It's thanks the DH (and, in fact, your thread Katherine ) that I found my rescue lab :)

Oh FFS, this 18 month old will be seeing a therapist because the dog is rehomed?

Get a grip.

what's with the bullying and hectoring tones? op asked for opinions. she has been given opinions (and advice)... no one has bullied or berated her and yet it seems any comments about the potential difficulties for the dog are seen as "mean" and unhelpful.... err, this is THE DOGHOUSE, where err, people who care about and are interested in dogs are to be found.... some of you are behaving as if you're in the playground. very impressive.

OP, I'm sorry you are having a hard time at the moment. Is there any way you can have a discussion with your ex about giving more support for the dog? It sounds as though he has recognised the important part the dog plays in your daughter's life, and this support could be both practical and financial. Even though he is working full time, if he could commit to walking the dog two or three times a week, this could give you a break. Maybe he could get you an annual pet insurance policy, so your vet bills wouldn't be such a worry? Have you sat down and discussed with him all of the bills and incidental expenses incurred by the dog? It may be that if he wasn't the one paying, he might not have been aware of how things like gland squeezing, worming, vaccinations can all add up over the course of the year.

Unfortunately this time of year is one of the busiest in rescues. People offload dogs in the run up to Christmas - partly so they don't have the hassle of having them around over hte holidays, partly so they can get a new puppy and partly for financial reasons. While it may be a good idea to contact a rescue, please be aware of this pressure - even if you can keep the dog with you till after Christmas this will greatly increase its chances of successful rehoming.

I hope you can resolve this for your daughter, for you and for your dog. By posting in the DH rather than other parts of the site, it's natural that you will get replies that are understandably focused on the dog's welfare. I think there are other parts of the site that might be better if you wanted to focus purely on your daughter. I'd concur though that many of the problems you've listed are definitely solveable (vets bills, training, getting a teenage dog walker). I completely understand about the mud - we've got three dogs and at this time of the year, it drives me potty with seemingly endless mopping of muddy floors.

If ex-DH is worried about DDs response to dog being re-homed, why doesn't he take the dog? He can take it to work like he always did and she'll see it when she visits with her dad. If he isn't willing to make this happen, then it's his fault if it goes elsewhere. Sounds like he had the dog for the bulk of the time when you were together and he's just waltzed off leaving you completely overwhelmed.

OP, if you want tea and sympathy, maybe re-post in parenting or something. Posting here would always make it about the dog.

''What do you plan to tell your dd? that he's gone to live with another family who can look after him better? please explain you would never do the same with a child won't you....'

Never a truer word, OQ. ('What's with the bullying and hectoring tones?')

If you want sanity, and kindness, post literally anywhere else, even Style And Beauty.

I think the threads about advice rather than the bitching between each other may have given OP some food for thought and perhaps some ideas to explore if she is feeling overwhelmed which will hopefully give the best outcome for all concerned.

OP has also learnt enough about rehoming through the replies that she at least will be able to try and ensure before she does rehome the dog that she looks into all the rehome options to find the best outcome for the dog.

'The life the dog has may well be perfectly fine but it is a strain on the OP to provide it. The OP and her child could use the money and the time for themselves' - Can they not have time to themselves with the dog? Some of my earliest childhood memories involve my lovely, dearly missed Doberman.

We had very little money. We would camp occassionally, mainly near or on travellers site (they were cheapest). We'd take the dog with us. While my friend's were playing on there Sega Megadrives I was out romping on the beach
come rain, hail or shine with my dog. My father would skip dive for x-mas presents for us.

You know what? I loved my childhood. I allow my children to go camping with my father's dogs on travellers sites to give the, a taste of what I had. I wouldn't change my childhood for the world.

I'm sure there were bad times and tantrums but I cannot remember them.

well i can see you've decided that was intended to be bullying and hectoring.... but actually it wasn't. i thought and wrote it with a straight face and meant it quite straightforwardly. op was asking for views re effect of rehoming on her toddler. my point was that she needs to think carefully what she says about where dog has gone and why, and to make sure child isn't scared this might happen to her. i meant that. not cruel. sensible imo. but you do seem to be someone spoiling for a fight... so it suits you to decide i meant that cruelly.