rehomed our puppy and feel devastated

[ItsMyTurn]

that's it

What's done is done, surely? What good does it do anyone to make someone going through this shit feel even worse?

ItsMyTurn, I hope you're okay?

I, for one, am really glad I read your post. I've been seriously considering getting a puppy for a while now and, thanks to your posting, I realise it's for all the wrong reasons.

You've made me re think and I understand now it would be completely the wrong thing to do. Thank you for being so honest.

Thing is, grief affects everyone so differently. I'm watching the fallout from DD's friend's Dad dying 18 months ago and it's a complete bloody mess. Incidentally it was watching her walk out of Church behind her Father's coffin (ranking extremely highly on the scale of traumatic things in my life and something I hope I never have to repeat) that led to us getting a dog shortly after, the push I needed after years of umming and ahrring. And by years I mean approx 9 years of researching it and a puppy was still a huge shock to the system, which I regretted many times the first few months.

I appreciate that you're all concerned for the dog but it has now got a new home. Possibly not ideal but time will tell and it sounds as if the lady who rehomed her is going to keep a close eye on the situation . I'm absolutely not going to judge the OP as I've never had to bury my DH and hope to goodness I never have to. I know what you're all saying about we all have hard times but there's no set way to behave at these times and quite often people behave in ways they wouldn't at other times. What's done is done now and I really do wish people would stop now. You're all being rational but sometimes situations and people just aren't. This is hugely different to whatshername whose Labradoodle shed too much etc, please treat it as such.

OP I'm very sorry for your loss. Please do as Netto says, stop reading. I hope things improve for you. Take good care of yourself and your DC's and please take all the help that there is for you out there. Not sure if you have spoken to Winston's Wish but they were fab when I rang them about my friend's DD.

itsmyturn.

You look after yourself, and please believe, there ARE people here who fully understand that you made a mistake.

As you said, the most perfect pet at the wrong time in your life and you didn't know when you went for her, what feelings she would bring out it you.

Honestly, please take care. hug x

Bemybebe.

How does anybody know this was an inappropriate home?

Well lets hope this thread shows why people need to really think about whether they really should be getting a puppy/dog.
Physically and emotionally hard at times, whether a puppy or an Oap dog.

TheBest - they don't, they're making judgey assumptions . They might be right, but may equally be wrong so wouldn't it be better to err on the side of compassion and not add more grief and guilt to the OP who has far too much to deal with already?

Its surely not so very unusual for people to have dogs of different ages and states of health. The 'selling' was just because the new owners offered money - so they weren't just after a free replacement.

I can understand the mistake of taking a young puppy and then regretting it. I have never faced this regret, even when my own mum brought a dog and her litter of eight puppies from 'the street'. It was -30C outside and was going to stay like that for weeks, it was not in the UK btw. The puppies were 1 day old and we had to look after them for 3 months. In a smallish flat with very little money and no decent vet care. I do not even mention rescues because this word does not exist in the country I am coming from. Raising puppies was bloody hard, but I am grateful for this lesson in life. That is why when my dh said he wanted a dog it took us two years to decide if it is a good thing for us.

What I cannot understand is why or why the OP did not listen to advice people gave her to find a reputable rescue to responsibly rehome her puppy. I would have been very supportive of her and her decision to rehome had it be done RESPONSIBLY. This is not a mistake, this was done deliberately and saying "what's done is done" is condoning the behaviour that leads to more homelessness and suffering.

I do hope this story has a happy end for OP's sake, but the odds are not in her favour.

thebestisyettocome the home the OP sold her dog to has another sickly elderly dog suffering from cancer. It is not an appropriate home for a young puppy. Ask any reputable rescuers.

Itsmyturn - sorry to hear of the loss of your DH. I think, in th circumstances =, it is the right decision to rehome the puppy. It is done now, you need to move on, have this thread removed and to not read anymore related to it.

There are people here who will not allow out to have made mistakes.

It is time to look after yourself, to grieve and to look after your children and your cats. It is still early days. Take care of yourself.

And do yourself a favour - get the thread pulled and move away from it all.

recent posters - thankyou. I have been as grief stricken in the past couple of weeks as if my dh had died yesterday - I ahve no idea why - maybe it brought home to me hte enormity of doing things alone. Maybe having somethng so little to love and depend on me? I dont know.
no one knows it was an inappropriate home. It isn't. It really really isn't. And if things do not work out then Tilly will come back here and I will do all I can to make it work. With or without my sanity and mental health in order. They want to think badly of me because it makes me look like an irresponsible heartless bitch. Which I am not - I have single handedly steered my dc's (and three cats) through a traumatic couple of years and we are now heading forward with our new lives in a new town with new friends etc. I thought I was ready for puppy ownwership but clearly I am not in that place at the moment. I hope one day I will be but I certainly won;'t be visiting MN for advice

shine on - I will - I will. Thank you

ItsMyTurn.

All of us, no matter how saintly we like to paint ourselves on here have made bad choices. Some people choose bad partners despite the protestations of friends and family and in hindsight realise how foolish they were. You made a bad choice when you were not in a great frame of mind. It happens. Despite people saying you've "sold" the dog to a "bad home", I believe you have tried to do your best. You can't undo the mistakes you've made. All you can do now is promise not to make the same error again.

Jesus this thread has turned my stomach, talk about kicking someone when they are down.

Itsmyturn, take care of yourself (hugs).

This thread is disgusting, the posters attacking a grieving widow should be ashamed of themselves

OP I think you did the best thing for your family

Take care

Itsmyturn, this is Mumsnet at its very very worse. I am so sorry you have taken the abuse handed out here. We all know how easy it is to make judgement from the sanctity of our keyboard but we are not living each others lives.

Don't beat yourself up about this, you and you alone have to deal with your day to day life.

I am so sickened by this thread I am requesting it be deleted.

The problem with this thread is, that the people who do know lots about dogs, have behaved so badly that no one will want to ask them for advice, as they have shown no compassion at all towards fellow humans.
We all make mistakes and no one deserves such a hard time when what they clearly need is support.

This has been a valuable thread - thank you ItsMyTurn. It has struck a chord with me particularly as we are due to pick up our puppy in two weeks, when he'll be 8 1/2 weeks old and I am viewing it with excitement and terror in equal measure, and that's without all that you have been through. However, like you, I believe I have considered long and hard about taking on a dog, mainly concentrated on the cons rather than the pros, have practised looking after my nephew's puppy over the last year and have decided that I'm up for it even in the worst-case scenario. I am now as ready as I could hope to be. BUT, it will be a whole-family venture, and I will be relying on everyone's total cooperation and support.
I can see how, without that, you have felt unable to continue. Ease up on yourself and remember that most of the people on this thread are motivated by concern for animals. if you are confident that your Tilly has gone to a happy home and you can keep tabs on that and take her back if necessary, then I would say your conscience can be clear.
Good luck.

Itsmyturn, just wanted to add my support too.

You might not have made the right decisions, in some peoples eyes, but the dog has a home and hopefully you can have some space to grieve.

I admit that I also reported this thread.

i don't think it serves a purpose for other people. i can't see many other people being in the same set of circumstances.

And I can't see it benefits MN to have a grieving, and pretty fragile woman being dealt with so harshly - so OTT harshness too - for making a mistake. The dog has not been hurt. It has been rehomed. It may not be ideal but the OP has no doubt made the best decision for the dog in the long run.

Netto, yes. I didn't realise I'd had this section hidden until today- I've only been on before when deliberately looking for it, IYSWIM. Just spent an hour browsing, and I'm horrified. Not very approachable- it makes AIBU look like group therapy.

Never mind AIBU, after reading some of the responses on this thread, I think it would've been safer to have started a thread in Feminism entitled 'What about the menz?'

The inhumanity displayed here by some posters is chilling.