A Paedophile in Family- Surviving Dad

[Newcastle2023]

Did anyone else watch this?

Cant imagine the horrors confusion and splitting the poor girl went through.

I hope it was a good decision to do the programme, i would hate to think poor woman deteriorates after

Thought the mum seemed a bit odd ? Obv the dad was off the scale. Just awful

I am so sorry this happened to you, that is unimaginable and unbelievably painful. Thank you for sharing, hope you’re ok & been able to process / heal ❤️

I'm not a victim of sexual abuse so cannot know the true depth of feeling that victims feel so what I'll share in no way compares.
My brother died recently, all happened very quick & now he's buried but leading up to the funeral I could not face it, I was actively blocking the mental picture of what I would have to face, work was a good distraction, conversations, keeping busy.
It dawned on me that I thought this is what victims must go through, they are constantly blocking.
It's such a heavy mental load.
SA victims are truly strong, can't express enough how much I feel for you all.xx

this is what victims must go through, they are constantly blocking.
It's such a heavy mental load.

It is - it's exhausting!

I think my own mother couldn't cope with even the thought of "anything like that" (I did tell her when I was about 9) because it had happened to her, too and it took her to places in her mind that she just couldn't go.

I blamed her a lot when I was young, and it's only since her death, looking back (and excellent therapy) that I have begun to see that this is very likely the case.

It's a particularly horrible crime in so many ways - it robs the child of their childhood, it corrupts every word and action, it can make them into predators in their turn (not that anyone's past excuses their present behaviour - we all need to overcome our past, not perpetuate it), it drives a wedge between family members - sone know, some don't know, some just don't want to know, some can't let themselves know.

It's horrible far beyond anything most people can imagine.

Thanks for sharing that Emotionalsupportviper. Must not be easy confronting this at times.
Can I ask and shut me down if it's too much, what signs would you look for? Do you find yourself on high alert?
I'm the one who mentioned heavy mental load.
Thanks. All the best to you.x

When you ask 'what signs would you look for', do you mean in relation to:
abusers
current child victims
enabling adults
adults who've survived child abuse
or
looking back at family members in one's childhood?

Sorry to butt in. It sounds as though you want to know something specific.

If you want to research this, one book which was useful in days gone by is Bass & Davis's book 'The Courage to Heal'. I think it got a bit of a pasting in the States from some quarters, but I found it excellent.

ifIwerenotanandroid
Thanks for the recommendation, will look into that.

Will PM you - I wrote a long post but am too raw to make it public.

Jesus Christ. There’s a special place in hell for men like him.

Thank you - I'll look for this.

Will PM you - I wrote a long post but am too raw to make it public.
Thank you Emotionalsupportviper.

Abusers are expert manipulators and good at grooming - not only their victim, but the other people around them and the victim. That seems to be what happened with the mother (among other adults), and those that did have a concerned feeling (the friend's mother) couldn't explain quite what was 'off'.

It sounded as if the mother was the one to call the police, so once she found out she believed her daughter and took action.

The person responsible is the father, no-one else.

A couple of other books which might be helpful:

Surviving Child Sexual Abuse by Liz Hall & Siobhan Lloyd
Toxic Parents by Dr Susan Forward

Yes and sadly kids are being abused everywhere. I thought she was so brave to do the documentary and I am pleased it helped her. I just cannot wrap my head around how you can do this to your own child-it blows my mind. My 15 year old was on a sleepover at her best friends and her grandad started messaging my daughter (a 60 year old)-he sent her inappropriate messages but fortunately I had educated her on grooming and paedos etc so she sussed out what was going on and blocked him. She still was so traumatised and saw his face everywhere. I wanted to rip his head off but he's been arrested. My daughter attempted suicide as a result and has now moved away to her dads. I miss her so much and worry about her constantly as it changed her.