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A Paedophile in Family- Surviving Dad

63 replies

Newcastle2023 · 31/05/2023 23:19

Did anyone else watch this?

Cant imagine the horrors confusion and splitting the poor girl went through.

I hope it was a good decision to do the programme, i would hate to think poor woman deteriorates after

Thought the mum seemed a bit odd ? Obv the dad was off the scale. Just awful

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madamegazelle1 · 31/05/2023 23:32

It made me so sad that she had been through this for such a prolonged period of time and it was her dad. I hope she continues to feel the way she said she felt at the end of the programme but I imagine it’s not that simple.
I also thought things with her mum seemed rather strange. I realised at the end that her brothers hadn’t appeared or their feelings discussed which would have been interesting.

user1471462634 · 31/05/2023 23:40

Yes, totally understand why she did it, felt she wanted to open up & get it out there, as difficult a subject it is. Think ultimately she just wants to help other children. Think she felt frustrated that nobody caught on & she so desperately wanted someone to notice.
What an absolute horror he was.
What I was thinking is, who gave the ok for him & mother to foster care? Mum was working all the hours she could while he was at home. Not seen as a red flag? Would it be now?
Don't want to say brave, seems such a cliche but she just so was.
I hope she finds some kind of peace.

Bagpuss2022 · 01/06/2023 00:30

She’s such a strong woman opening herself up like that
I can understand the ways he feels about her mum my bio father SA me from 3-7 and then my step father from 11-17 .
I hope she’s found some kind of peace it will never go away.
very thought provoking it usually is manipulative clever men who do this and manage to engineer situations to there sick benefit

Pemba · 01/06/2023 05:41

What channel please?

boboshmobo · 01/06/2023 07:21

I'm so glad they showed his face and didn't try to protect him . His excuses were awful , that she was a sexual child and came and sat on him . He was her father ffs and he should have kept her safe . She was so lovely, it was heartbreaking to watch her cope .

awaynboilyurheid · 01/06/2023 08:40

Thought she was incredibly brave what an absolute evil man. The realisation that he actually tried to put the blame on a young vulnerable child made her see he never cared for her well being at all. I also thought the mum seemed a bit vague in her excuses of not realising, I mean he kept her away from school a lot and then her prom and instead took her to New York, her mum didn’t go with them seemed very strange, would have been interesting to hear why her mum went along with all of that. How very sad to be put on the pill at 15 for your father, it’s horrendous abuse. Glad they showed his face even if it was brief.

Original poster
Newcastle2023 · 01/06/2023 11:19

Didnt see the start but for what reason did the mum think the 15y old was on the pill if there were no boyfriends and who pushed for it?

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Interestedinknowing · 01/06/2023 11:45

@Bagpuss2022 I don’t have any words but wanted to say I’m so sorry that happened to you.

keeptalkinghappytalk · 01/06/2023 11:58

Emily s such a good person struggling to try and make things better for other children.
Confused as we saw her give a police interview when only 11 and he was arrested ... then saw him as she was 18? And she does refer to 18 years.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/06/2023 12:34

Which platform is this on?

Igotjelly · 01/06/2023 13:09

ApolloandDaphne · 01/06/2023 12:34

Which platform is this on?

Channel 4.

I find the mum really odd but I’m not sure if that’s from being on TV talking about something so horrific when you’re struggling with the guilt of not knowing.

TheaBrandt · 01/06/2023 13:12

Just felt so terribly sorry for her. His interview was contemptible - basically saying a two year old came on to him sexually. No words. The police were very decent.

Bluebells1970 · 01/06/2023 13:21

It was a hard watch, and I found that the Mum was very detached from it all ...

What an amazingly brave young woman.

Pemba · 01/06/2023 14:21

@ApolloandDaphne I've found it's on Channel 4, not watched yet.

Chateaulaohshit · 01/06/2023 14:57

I found out about this program as Tristan from MIC (who is Emily’s sister) had talked about it on one of his stories on Instagram. He sounded very supportive however couldn’t quite work out the family dynamics as there has been scenes with him and his mum on MIC and sure it’s not the same women.

Regardless what a brave lady, I hope the filming process was cathartic to her healing process.

I got the feeling that there was more discussion to be had on how much her mum knew, no one could be that removed from all the red flags, time off school, holidays just the two of them etc.

biddyboo · 01/06/2023 14:59

I felt so angry for her when she found out that he didn't want to meet to answer her questions because he didn't want it to impact his progress with his therapy. Ugh. Although it was probably for the best as I think she was hoping for some kind of remorse on his part, which I think seemed unlikely.

She mentioned that she spoke out because she suspected he was abusing one of the girls he was fostering. I don't think they mentioned the outcome of that. Was it investigated? Was he charged with any other offences?

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Newcastle2023 · 01/06/2023 16:29

What is the Tristan MIC connection as his parents both have different names and his dad (Simon I think) has a whole CV of businesses

Unless his real dad is same as Emilys and this is a step dad?

He does look very like her

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Chateaulaohshit · 01/06/2023 16:51

I didn’t want to say but I thought in the early video footage of Emily and her father he looked quite similar to Tristan but maybe I just saw it as trying to look for a connection

She did mention growing up with 2 brothers…

I also wondered if there was an unmentioned separation between her parents, Emily staying with her Dad and why there was the weird trips just the two of them and how her absences from me school had gone unnoticed.

Bonelly · 01/06/2023 18:48

What an amazing woman. Watched it after seeing the trailer in respect of her fortitude. She'll likely never know the good that she is going by bringing this into the light. Wonderful girl.

daretodenim · 01/06/2023 19:11

I heard her on Woman's Hour (same day as programme aired, or day before). She really wants people to discuss what happened, because that raises awareness. I'm abroad so can't watch it for the moment.

I have a friend who was sexually abused by his father prepuberty and his mother once puberty started. He told social workers about his father's abuse because he saw the signs in his younger step brother that he recognised. He wasn't believed, his dad was a real stand up guy.

The problem is that a) people don't want to believe it's possible, even when they know it is, b) people generally don't realise that charm is a choice, not a personality and c) people can't easily separate who they see in front of them to what they've been told about them, if that person doesn't match the way "a horrible person" should look. It's human nature, I'm not blaming anybody. And paedophiles and other abusers play on it all the time. That means others have to think like a paedophile/abuser to catch them and that's really hard, because nobody else's brains work like that (except a few seasoned police officers and social workers who have had experience and training and obviously victims who can often spot it).

What happened to to this lady during her childhood was absolutely depraved. What's just as bad is that we can't find a sure fire way to make sure it never happens to any child ever again.

IsThePopeCatholic · 01/06/2023 20:27

I feel the mother really let down her daughter. She should have been much more challenging of her husband. He was clearly a manipulative and controlling monster, but she should have picked up on things such as frequent illnesses, not going out with friends, etc. I’m not sure Emily really forgave her.

MiniMoon12 · 01/06/2023 21:12

I felt so sad for Emily and in agreement with you all regarding her mother not spotting ANY red flags. In my opinion, and if I were in Emily’s shoes I would struggle with a relationship with the mum, and by all accounts her mum has a new partner, I would be so hesitant having another male figure around me/my children when in realty this abuse is still so fresh in her memeories.

Any idea on the dads name? I wonder where he has been housed? such a shockingly shit sentence for such horrendous crimes

FairlySane · 01/06/2023 21:53

I’m watching this now on catch-up. The male police officer and his interactions with Emily is making me feel uncomfortable - is he flirting with her ?

MiniMoon12 · 01/06/2023 22:24

I don’t think so, he has strong eye contact and he was understanding her emotions which is his job

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 01/06/2023 22:26

I agree re Emily's mother, it's unfathomable that the mum wouldn't have noticed something was happening. The mums answer when Emily asked her about what was she thinking when her dad took her away so she misses prom etc was also vague and didn't feel sincere.

I missed who the man was in some of the later scenes? Was it her mums new partner? If so that completely blows my mind, how could she ever go near, let alone trust, a man again?!