Harvey and Me

[2021namechanger]

Yes it should probably be in telly addicts - but Aibu to think Katie Price has really done a great thing in doing this documentary.

I think I am aghast at Grenlei’s comments about ‘professional carers’. My eldest [ASD, Dyspraxia and a heap of other things] was more than explosive. His social workers would only EE him in twos and described him as extremely challenging with complex needs. Until you have had professional carers REFUSE to take on your child with complex needs = and that WAS the SS recommended respite home - because he is classed as too high a risk your not in a position to judge. I accepted help from anyone who had an eDBS and enough rapport to reach son orbiting through planet zog because frankly I NEEDED the sanity break to be able to cope. I had to fight tooth and nail to get him into a specialist residential college to improve his life chances as SS would only fund secure locked accommodation. Take it from me its no joke dealing with an explosive toddler with atypical development without having breaks let alone a SEN teen who is three times your size and who can punch holes in walls. The times my son was in hospital and cared for by skilled nurses I took some down time too. It was the closest I ever had to real respite.

@triballeader

I think I am aghast at Grenlei’s comments about ‘professional carers’. My eldest [ASD, Dyspraxia and a heap of other things] was more than explosive. His social workers would only EE him in twos and described him as extremely challenging with complex needs. Until you have had professional carers REFUSE to take on your child with complex needs = and that WAS the SS recommended respite home - because he is classed as too high a risk your not in a position to judge. I accepted help from anyone who had an eDBS and enough rapport to reach son orbiting through planet zog because frankly I NEEDED the sanity break to be able to cope. I had to fight tooth and nail to get him into a specialist residential college to improve his life chances as SS would only fund secure locked accommodation. Take it from me its no joke dealing with an explosive toddler with atypical development without having breaks let alone a SEN teen who is three times your size and who can punch holes in walls. The times my son was in hospital and cared for by skilled nurses I took some down time too. It was the closest I ever had to real respite.

💞

Don't sweat it. Grenlei is getting at KP and KP alone.

Am starting think that Grenlie is that woman that Katie Price was sued by!
Anyways - this wasn’t really about her - but more how enlightening the documentary was - and I do think it was a great thing to see. She highlighted what is a real struggle for many people.

@dannydyerismydad I thought that too. That woman is a star and absolutely in the right job. They both seemed to be actually at that college, the other one explaining about all the doors.

I don’t know if anyone caught it but I thought I saw the staff at the first college they visited giving each other the side eye at one point.

I do agree about feeling odd about seeing him in his underwear etc, I remain a bit uncomfortable with putting him out there so much when he can’t consent. I’ve just been working on research ethics though so informed consent is close to my thoughts.

I hope Frankie (makes my blood) Boyle & other revolting trolls watched and took note.
Uses him to make money? Just like all the insta mums and YouTube bloggers who parade their kids all over the internet, film them sleeping, make them perform for Ads and ensure they have zero privacy?

No. She’s not as bad as that lot!

^^ this.

I'm no fan of KP either but it was obvious shes very close to Harvey.
As for ''putting him out there without his consent'', well, I think he's aware enough to know he was being filmed, and didn't say no, and also, people, unless they're involved with SN/disabilities, for the most part don't tend tobother with programmes about Disabled, so if a celebrity can raise awareness, then go for it.

One of my DCs has profound Autism/ADHD and does a LOT of the stuff Harvey did wwhen he was distressed.

[quote RJnomore1]@dannydyerismydad I thought that too. That woman is a star and absolutely in the right job. They both seemed to be actually at that college, the other one explaining about all the doors.

I don’t know if anyone caught it but I thought I saw the staff at the first college they visited giving each other the side eye at one point.

I do agree about feeling odd about seeing him in his underwear etc, I remain a bit uncomfortable with putting him out there so much when he can’t consent. I’ve just been working on research ethics though so informed consent is close to my thoughts.[/quote]
No different to the many, many people who document their younger children.

It was a fantastic watch and I think shows like that are vitally important to highlight the battles and tough choices so many parents have to make.

There is a difference between an adult with a learning difficulty and a young child though.

And I’m not sure knowing you are being filmed On its own means you understand the full implications of being seen by millions.

I’m torn because an earlier poster had a very good point that people with disabilities should be seen in society but if you genuinely think Harvey understood the reach of the documentary or thst an adult with ld is the same as a child, I totally disagree with you.

@RJnomore1

I’m mildly uncomfortable with him being so much in the public eye when I’m sure he doesn’t have the capacity to consent. There must be other ways for her to raise these important issues without parading him on tv for an hour.

Harvey wasn't paraded on tv , throughout he was treated with dignity and respect . People may have mixed feelings about his mother but there is no denying how good she is with him. The programme highlighted a lot of the difficulties faced by families with a vulnerable young adult like Harvey . It also showed a lot of love .

Harvey is in the public eye simply because of who is mother is. He has attracted a lot of horrible comments on social media so it was lovely to see his personality. I hope it makes people think twice about their horrible attitudes after seeing what a great young man he is.

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@Toddlerteaplease has your nurse friend never heard of patient confidentiality, not really professional to go around talking about patients . [/quote]
Too right , i also wondered if the nurse friend knew this information because she happened to be on duty every time Harvey had an appointment .
It seems really hard for people to acknowledge that Katie is a good mom to Harvey .

The thing is if parents and carers didn’t make choices on behalf of their children/those in their care about taking part in shows like this then they would never be seen in the public eye and is that really what we want?
Shows like this can work wonders for raising awareness of what families up and down the country so I have a lot of respect for those who decide to take part in well put together shows.

I wonder if the documentary had half an eye on creating leverage to get Harvey the funding he needed? Not knocking it because I also have endless struggles to get adequate provision for DD and would do the same. KPs bond with Harvey was very real and touching

She's come across very well. I'm no fan, but fair play to her, she's a great mum, and the relationship is fantastic.

Shame on his dad though, who's never bothered with him and left it all down to KP.

Found this moving and also very humbling as someone who does not have a child with additional needs.

Wanted to come on mn to discuss how realistic with people who have been there but am baffled by some of the vitriol towards her?!

This is a woman who had a child with extremely complex needs, so complex it appears to be unchartered territory for most medical professionals. In addition the father is physically absent if not financially, she has had two failed marriages, seemingly not by her own choice, both the exes are complex people too, a mother with terminal illness, a declining career with little prospects, various medical and emotional issues of her own. Cut her some bloody slack!

All this 'left with the make up girl' nonsense too. The 'make up girl' is a person too, maybe she is a family friend, someone he is safe and familiar with. Parents make choices about who to leave their children in the care of all the time, very often not professionals and not trained. I have a reciprocal arrangement with another school mum which means we each get a long weekend and a weeks holiday away from my DC every year, neither of us are trained, even though her son has SEN and my daughter is extremely difficult.

If I have half as good a relationship with my child at 18 years old I'll know I've done something right. I see KP as a good Mum doing her best (and her relationship with Harvey is lovely). But also a woman with her faults and flaws and fuck ups, just like the rest of us muggles.

@Chalkcheese

If I have half as good a relationship with my child at 18 years old I'll know I've done something right. I see KP as a good Mum doing her best (and her relationship with Harvey is lovely). But also a woman with her faults and flaws and fuck ups, just like the rest of us muggles.

😘🙌🙌🙌

@Grenlei

Are you some sort of ex-friend or ex-employee of KP's?

You seem to know all about her personal RL arrangements, I know KP is in to SM, but even so.

Can you not simply accept she is her own person and a damn, good mother doing the best she can! She doesn't have to be perfect, or meet other people's ideas of how she should behave or manage her personal relationships. She's allowed to be human and different.

Her children are happy with her, she has been lucky to have a supportive and present mother. As with everyone, she has her highs and lows.

To us parents who have severely disabled or autistic kids/young adults, we know she is tough, strong and a great role model. Katie and Harvey are raising awareness to the reality of living with these types of disability. That is a good thing, she is willing to share her and his challenges with us.

To those worried about his consent, if he weren't happy, she wouldn't be doing this, as it would be too stressful for him (& her + his siblings), and he just wouldn't physically co-operate.

Katie and Harvey, thank-you for sharing.
and

Brilliant that she brought it to the public eye - it is about time there was more knowledge about this situation. She did an amazing job in the documentary and should be commended.

@Fizbosshoes

I saw a calmer and caring side to her in the programme and his behaviour is obviously very challenging, not least now that he is so much bigger than her. And for a lot of his life she has dealt with the situation as a single parent. Dwight Yorke apparently contributes finacially (as he should) but was not actually present to share the load of caring for and parenting a child with very complex needs. I know she has several holidays without him, and I don't begrudge having respite from him, as with all carers . However she insisted that he won't cope without her and she is the only one who will understand him. As I understand he has been at a residential school for a few years (so that he didn't have to cope with the journey each day) so he has learned to be without her. Before covid he was there during the week (we saw them face time each other) and comes home at weekends. The head teacher at the school said he was doing very well, and he is obviously cared for there by well qualified and trained teachers and staff. This doesn't take away from the fact she has been his sole carer and parented him singlehandedly for most of his life, and will be a huge transition but it isn't the first time he will have been cared for by someone else and I think that is a little insulting to his school where he has apparently done very well.

If you were a parent of a severely disabled young person, you wouldn't be happy for them to go miles and miles away from you. Many residential colleges are more than 3 hours away. Most people find it hard when even their regular kids go away to university.

Why should we be any different, except that our kids have more needs that have to met (inc. communication), and taken care of. Many may need personal and medical care. They might not be able to tell us how they are really feeling or being treated.

Just because the local residential school, has done the prep work, doesn't the next stage and separation any easier for either the young person or their family. It's called Transition for a reason.

@Squirrel134
I wouldn't expect you to be different (in fact it would be a lot harder) and appreciate that Harvey starting college is a far more difficult process due to his needs, than a NT teenager starting uni.
However I was just making the point that it won't be his first time away from KP, and that he has been happy (we saw he was happy to leave for school and had a rapport with his driver etc) and done well at a school with other people's care, so presumably he had built up a relationship and trust with the carers and teachers at the school. I'm not trying to minimise the transition (we saw how difficult he found it in the programme) but surely that would include the trauma of being away from Katie and not having the security, routine and care of his current school and carers

It's widely reported that Harvey can be incredibly physically agressive.

The idea that Katie would in some way be able to force him around for a documentary is laughable.

Just watching now. Katie's patience is just incredible. I think she's a wonderful mother!

I loved this programme. It was great to see Harvey and Katie interact, there's so much love there.