Sixy Tixting and Why I'm Still Single at Fifty: Rancid Trolls and Crappy Rapping, Skateboarding Sex Pests and Boys' Night Banter - How They Revived the Badger Badges Industry Worldwide . . .

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

This is, obviously, the proposed title for my thesis in support of my Diploma in Expertness . . .

Actually - out of context, :into her" looks bad.

It should read "forces pen into her clenched fist"

Thank you.

I was actually once a lawyer in a previous life, before ending up in a near minimum wage role in a school (how did that happen?!)
Don't let Schady and Rinder pressurise you into signing anything, particularly not in blood (DNA, innit.)
If you're certain you want a freckly Telv, then go ahead, but ensure you have a cooling off clause when your beer goggle lust wears off and you get fed up washing his pants.
I also recommend a clause insertion involving the banning of wearing any sixy mesh tops and thongs. Aussie men seem to have a worrying predilection for such items that would look more at home on a gay man in a nightclub dungeon.

Oh those mesh pants!. For a man who can’t express his feelings verbally, he sure was pretty willing and open to fetish wear.

I have never been in the kind of shop that sells "men's lingerie" for want of a better word. I don't consider myself terribly unworldly, but are there such things in mainstream England? ( So I can continue to avoid them)

Can anyone point me in the right direction to binge on the remaining episodes, pretty please?

Here you go @ItsAHardKn0ckLife1

shvideos.net/2019/04/28/mafs-au-s5-all/

You can’t just GIVE Simon to FELLA , Schaden . He’s not yours to give

Have you even seen the show, Veridta?

I'm a NIXPERT.

I can do anything I like - make or break a relationship. Encourage people to try to put their hands on each other's personal bits in front of a billion salacious viewers.

Insist on sixy tixting that embarrasses even the audience.

I can destroy lives on a whim . . . .

I think if you check your huge Filofax you’ll find that Simon and Alene remain in some kind of platonic relationship. If that’s finished then I’m next . OK ?

Fair enough - I've made a note - you get first refusal.

@Eaumyword

I was actually once a lawyer in a previous life, before ending up in a near minimum wage role in a school (how did that happen?!) Don't let Schady and Rinder pressurise you into signing anything, particularly not in blood (DNA, innit.) If you're certain you want a freckly Telv, then go ahead, but ensure you have a cooling off clause when your beer goggle lust wears off and you get fed up washing his pants. I also recommend a clause insertion involving the banning of wearing any sixy mesh tops and thongs. Aussie men seem to have a worrying predilection for such items that would look more at home on a gay man in a nightclub dungeon.

Eau - I was going to tell you to mind your own damn business, but it seems that you have some excellent ideas that might be incorporated into our venture . . . this dungeon nightclub stuff . . . do you know any sixy enmished gay men that we could recruit into the first series? I could see that being a draw for the viewers.

Also - as an ex-lawyer, you should Know Better than to read a Personal Message to another individual

I am shocked by your totally unprofessional behaviour. However, I am not surprised because I know two lawyers and they would both do that if they got the chance. Apparently they use any knowledge gained Only for Good, and Never for Evil, but I have my doubts.

@FuzzyPuffling

I have never been in the kind of shop that sells "men's lingerie" for want of a better word. I don't consider myself terribly unworldly, but are there such things in mainstream England? ( So I can continue to avoid them)

I hope not Fuzzy, my little Puffling

i think we all deserve better.

I love Charlene but I agree with this "I think what she’s getting at is that she wants him to be more of a grown up, but it comes off as her complaining that he’s not performing masculinity to her standards." I can't see that they'll stay together. I think she has respect for him as a person and a friend but perhaps there's not quite enough there for her to fall in love with.

I fast forward John and Melissa. They're both nice enough but just so very dull.

And yes, it was Mat who was so lovely with Alycia's brother. I had really high hopes for those two but it very quickly went downhill. I still wish they'd brought Alycia back for Ryan.

I think it would be great to bring some of the old cast back for the wife swapping part. Particularly I'd love to see TF with DaviNA 😈 I really dislike TF and he sounds so insincere when he says he's falling for Tracey.

I'm glad Carly is rid of Justin. He was awful. I can't believe she managed to have six with him. She was certainly putting her all into the "expirimint"

[PM' to Rinder - Don't anybody else read this please, as it's Private and Confidential. Thank you for your consideration: RINDER - look what Toothbrush has been through - she's a NATURAL! We MUST have her on our programme. Do we need the contract signed in her own blood, or will a biro do? Have we got a legal advisor? Cheers!]

[PM back to Schadenfreude -entirely confidential - she sounds bloody perfect! Everything we could possibly want. We may need her to fill out a questionnaire, I’m a little concerned her self esteem may be a bit too high, but we might be able to work things so that it looks like she’s making healthy choices week-by-week so stays until the bitter end, despite the specimen she’s matched with. Either way I can guarantee she’ll come out of it looking saintly and will help us create some villains! Let’s face it, the best we can hope for is to advertise her good points to the nation by matching her with a prat. I think this is her best chance of getting a long term relationship out of the show.

I also think we can incorporate the other formats really easily. Come dine with me is almost there, we just need to stop catering the dinner parties (Money saving too!). Four in a Bed - I would love to see the couples stay in each others’ homes and critique them! So much conflict and bonding potential! We can do a bake off style couples’ cooking competition, which should make for some brilliant kitchen arguments. Great british sewing bee can be where couples have to design and create an outfit for each other to wear for the commitment ceremonies - added humour and tension. Dancing on ice will only be for the couples who are clearly uncoordinated and uncomfortable touching each other - save that for boot camps!

Our new format is going to smash it! Keep it under your hat for now though. Nod’s as good as a wink]

Can you imagine buying that outfit not realising that Justin had been wearing it before, all hot and sweaty in front of tv cameras ((boak))

maybe that adds to the attraction of it though

@Egghead68 thank you!

[secret message to @SchadenfreudePersonified - I also thing we could do a reunion special where we invite back every participant from seasons 5 and 6 and we match them with their ideal partner.

Simon and Charlene?! Match made in heaven - he hates talking about his feelings, she has all the joy of Alene.

DaviNA and Abandrew - both utterly self absorbed, will live beside each other for years before noticing the other one exists!

So much potential, but keep mum for now]

@Sunbird24

Have they not done the swap thing on previous seasons then? This is the first one I watched (have gone forwards but not back to previous ones yet!)

Don’t miss out on season 4 - it’s what brought us all together on this excellent thread . There are men ( and women but mainly men ) to hate and love . You can then read the appropriate thread and really immerse yourself in the strange boundaries of Australian romance . Enjoy !

I'll accept my knuckle rapping like a champ, Schady Let me back in the gang?
Omg, I forgot Carly&Justin had actually had six. I'm imagining it happened in a socially distanced manner, like wooden Punch and Judy puppets bashing together for 60 seconds, until they could part ways in great relief.
We were laughing at Irene the sales lady in the lingerie shop CLEARLY on commission!

@FuzzyPuffling. I think you are leading a sheltered life. I live in Brighton and work in Soho and there are many, many shops where you can buy male ‘lingerie’ and other exotic lifestyle paraphernalia.

I can't believe she managed to have six with him.

ROFL!

@RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder

[PM' to Rinder - Don't anybody else read this please, as it's Private and Confidential. Thank you for your consideration: RINDER - look what Toothbrush has been through - she's a NATURAL! We MUST have her on our programme. Do we need the contract signed in her own blood, or will a biro do? Have we got a legal advisor? Cheers!]

[PM back to Schadenfreude -entirely confidential - she sounds bloody perfect! Everything we could possibly want. We may need her to fill out a questionnaire, I’m a little concerned her self esteem may be a bit too high, but we might be able to work things so that it looks like she’s making healthy choices week-by-week so stays until the bitter end, despite the specimen she’s matched with. Either way I can guarantee she’ll come out of it looking saintly and will help us create some villains! Let’s face it, the best we can hope for is to advertise her good points to the nation by matching her with a prat. I think this is her best chance of getting a long term relationship out of the show.

I also think we can incorporate the other formats really easily. Come dine with me is almost there, we just need to stop catering the dinner parties (Money saving too!). Four in a Bed - I would love to see the couples stay in each others’ homes and critique them! So much conflict and bonding potential! We can do a bake off style couples’ cooking competition, which should make for some brilliant kitchen arguments. Great british sewing bee can be where couples have to design and create an outfit for each other to wear for the commitment ceremonies - added humour and tension. Dancing on ice will only be for the couples who are clearly uncoordinated and uncomfortable touching each other - save that for boot camps!

Our new format is going to smash it! Keep it under your hat for now though. Nod’s as good as a wink]

[PM to Rinder - Private and Confidential: Excellent! Hope she has a really good weepy backstory we can bring through, too! We'll make sure that she does well out of this, because she's going to bring in advert and product placement revenue like you wouldn't believe!

As you suggest - team her with a tw*t to start with (though we will tell her what to expect as she is the Chosen One of the first series) and then when his behaviours become so appalling that even American audiences wouldn't accept it, get him out and pair her with some really lovely man who has been led a life of misery by his TV wife - actually we could do a new, innovative "Pair Swap".

This has "ker-ching" written all over it. I'll say nothing to anyone - the New Improved Surprise Format will take everyone completely by - er, surprise. Wondering if there's any way to get a sort of Time Team vibe in there to attract people who pretend to be serious intellectuals, too]

@RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder

[secret message to *@SchadenfreudePersonified* - I also thing we could do a reunion special where we invite back every participant from seasons 5 and 6 and we match them with their ideal partner.

Simon and Charlene?! Match made in heaven - he hates talking about his feelings, she has all the joy of Alene.

DaviNA and Abandrew - both utterly self absorbed, will live beside each other for years before noticing the other one exists!

So much potential, but keep mum for now]

GENIUS!

Let me back in the gang?

Of course you are in the gang, Eau. - but your''re working with us now .

Toothbrush - don't worry that we'll take advantage of you just because Eau is now our almost-lawyer

a) we wouldn't do that to you, would we Rinder?

b) you were her client first, so Eau professional as she is, will place your needs first if there's any conflict of interest.

[PM to Rinder - TOP SECRET - Burn After Reading: One Man and His Dog! If we can weave border collies into the format we not only bring in the farming communities and the dog agility fanatics, but every dog lover in the civilised world - AND - as the "Thumbfaces" of this series leave we can have them chased physically out of the studio by a pack of superbly trained ISDS dogs given permission to bark as much as they like for the 11 seconds it takes them to catch the bounder! The dog who collects the most ears gets a trophy at the end of the ixperiment.

[PM to Rinder: Strictly Personal - when I say Time Team, I don't mean that tosser Tny Rbinson.]

I have many many red lipsticks so should have no issues in passing selection for the Charlene fab club.

At the risk of being sent to Coventry Simon just doesn't do it for me. Verdita knock yourself out.

Schafer and Rinder you need to ruin Ryan's current relationship so I can have him please and thanks. Also I can't wait to see what ye come up with for your season of MAFS

@BloggersBlog

Can you imagine buying that outfit not realising that Justin had been wearing it before, all hot and sweaty in front of tv cameras ((boak))

maybe that adds to the attraction of it though

FuzzyPuffling writes that she has not seen a shop selling men’s sexy underwear and doubts that there are any in mainstream England .

I know when I was younger and frequented Soho ‘occasionally’ , I often glimpsed , as I rushed past Ann Summers , a section showing men’s sexy stuff hidden in the back rooms .

There is a firm in a nearby well known Georgian city in the West Country that has a shop and an online outlet ( with examples ) where you can get most things sent to your home in a brown paper packet .

( ignore any oxymorons in this comment - thank you )