Masterchef. It's back. Go on, you know you want to. Thread the 1st

[Halsall]

New series, starts Monday the 13th (unlucky for some?) on BBC1 at 9pm. Starting on a low gas now so the Greggggg 'observations' can build up gradually to a nice rolling boil.

THANK YOU ❤️ to @MrsTommyBanks for spotting the date and sending out the Mastercheffians bat-signal

@SchadenfreudePersonified
@ellenanora5
@RomaineCalm
@GrouchyKiwi
@Wolfcub
@Taffeta
@fourquenelles
@whatashower
@OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow
@PencilMuseum
@jay55
@ilovesooty
@iklboo
@shirleyphallus

Apologies to anyone I've missed and I trust you'll see the thread. We need the equivalent of an email group!

56 new contestants to find nicknames for

Tim........Norman Price with a haircut, that's who he reminds of, if he uses one of those blow torch things I'll have to shout Fire Fire and wait for Sam to come to the rescue

Catch you all Wednesday

Great thread

Ooh Baptiste, bloody brilliant, I loved him in Missing

Was it Missing??

The two women smashed that! I really didn’t like the look of the boiled fish and dried beans, not to mention the sloppy soup dessert! 🤮

Oh dear Autumn, I can just imagine it, I've had a few disasters with fishw and baking paper, I gave up in the end

No it looked awful Hazel

Lovely to see last year’s lot, apart from David obviously.

Yes ellenanora5 it was Missing. Stupendous.

It looked VILE, Hazel

Colourless, unappetising, tasteless gunk.

They should have kept Frank - at least he didn't serve a plate full of neutral colours. Who knew that a meal could be magnolia?

The cat judges were very unimpressed (in fact, one of them had an EPIC SHIT during MC - perhaps his verdict on the borlotti beans - and I had to change the entire litter box).

I thought Annabel and Lisa were standouts - Tim can fuck off with "never eaten a ready meal".

This is interesting: where are all the MasterChef Winners now

It is Grouchy - I notice that Kenny hasn't got his serial killing on his CV.

Tim-nasty-but-dim might have taken inspiration from him.

I'm waiting for Mr Never-eaten-a-ready-meal to tell us how he has "curated" the ingredients for his meals - he looks the type.

Glad to see I wasn't missed. Was too tired to cope with more than the telly.

why is Kenny without a surname like Lulu or Cher?

Hello - internet went down last night so just to say - foraged stuff ground over meal - massive tick.

In the absence of being able to comment in real time - can I just say FO FO FO fuck off G$£G3 & bugger off some more. FO Thank you to Schaden for helpful suggestion i.e. I should get this in early doors . May I store some FO G^£G5 for future use , All can take them and use them as required.

Thank you Basilisk for your very generous Fuckoffs - There may be just enough to cover the series.

We shall season as necessary

Footle! How did we not notice your absence? I'm so sorry - I think we were all so carried away by CreepyTim, CreepyTim's trousers (!), CreepyTim's creepy grin, CreepyTim's creepy boast never to have eaten a ready meal, and CreepyTim's creepy food that we were blind to anything else. (Except the OrangeGirl - little Fanta, or whatever her name is - who started badly then surprised us all with her culinary expertise).

See you tomorrow?

Dear SchadenfreudeP, I haven't been forgotten. Warm fuzzy glow, like a plateful of soapy Scandi cold soup with little moomins floating about in it.
I may be a touch delirious.
That Tim, yes creepy. Why pass over Frank with his beignets d'ananas?

@Schadenfreundpersonified

In case not enough - here are a few more - FO FO Oh do keep quiet Gr3g6g - Do shut up . I give you those so can be handed out. I do need to get internet sorted so I can say FO in real time. Sternly worded letter to Virgin and indeed the Telegraph / Times / guardian & all broadcasting companies needed.

Apologies Footle, there are so many Mastercheffians now it's difficult to remember and namecheck everyone - glad you're back onboard

masterchef is on again so here follows my biannual tweet about how gregg wallace looks like a dog barking at a trifle through a fence saw this on twatter this morning and thought of you lot.

Thank you again Basilisk

Thank you for sharing that Fuckery

An insult to all dogs everywhere, but funny nonetheless.

And to all trifles.

Not to mention all fences . . .

I'll just leave this here

iklboo

@Wolfcub

Fuck off gregg

Incisive comment - I like that

Fucks sake missed this sorry thank you for shout out

Love Nawamin ❤️

Underwhelmed thus far otherwise

What are the Now ingredients this season? There seems to be a distinct lack of hispi cabbage so far