Look! Look! Over there!
Jane is stuffing chocs
Sat in her chair.
And where is Ian?
The sly dark horse,
He's wheeling and dealing
And eating of course.
And there is Abi!
Doing nothing at all
But smirking and pouting
The ex booty call.
Lauren is striving
To get to the top
Stephen is scheming
To make it all stop.
Holes in condoms,
Fake illness too...
Is there nothing the little
Arsehole won't do?
Dot's got a cat
Stop the front page
'Old girl has a cat'
Let's leave it at that.
And now to the Vic
Where we can all see
That bloke from Blue
Eating his tea.
Sausage is simpering
In a jacket last seen
On Danny LaRue when
He met the Queen.
Mummy's little sausage is sad
His dad's got it bad for
Whitney the moody mare.
Our sausage knows about
Toad in the hole
And Mick just wants his share.
Cora is creeping all around
Max is up the Shard.
Jack is in a lonely place
And the bullies are being 'ard.
Sharon is very important
If you please
Miss Piggy on speed no less
Minus Kermi, a smile, a stylist,
And a decent dress.
Now 'Chelle is not so new
The scriptwriters groan,
"Big mistake bringing her back"
(In a mac)
"I know," they cry ,"She can
Shag the bloke from Blue!"
Nooo, he's too old, but hang on a mo
His C V said he's twenty two!
Cheese could be grated
On the cheekbones of poor D
Her eyes as sunken as a junkies
She's over there
Rummaging around in the
Bins outside McClunky's!
Look! Look! Over there!
The wise Mumsnetter's sit
"Why oh why" In one voice they chorus
"Do we watch this shit?"
In their graves Ronnie and Roxy
Would surely swivel
If they now appeared
In such drivel.
Oh please, we beg
For a high speed bus
To hit Walford again
Or even a plane would do.