New the Island with Bear Grylls

[Akire]

Anyone else looking forward to this one? After last time I think there a BOys and a Girls island though it is just boys tonight. Roll up roll up anyone who has no idea how to lit a fire or build a shelter whilst knowing they are going on a survival program!

Go left field and tell them to read this thread.

That's a good idea!

Read this thread? Yeah, why notI mean it's not like we've slagged off the dodgy biased editing by ch.4 or even spoken of the best and most tortuous way of disposing of an island bear. Yet.

Well I havent

I've been nice!

Quick Viva- say how much you love Bear Grylls' fucking schtoopid BG Outdoor shirts and wonder where you can get one

Blatant sucking up can't do any harm

Oh yes, I love BG branded clothing and am googling for some to buy as we speak!

Perhaps you can buy I heart bear Grylls badges and affix them to your promo pic clothing? That would be a skimpy pushy-uppy bikini top with even more skimpy nether coverings, natch, just the sort of coverup you need on a mozzie and sandfly active desert island. And start growing your fingernails now

Oh and viva they're going to need a doctor. They've got proper ones to do proper doctoring on call just a speedboat trip away. You know how to apply a bandaid, right? That'll do

Fuck my boots I need six weeks of starvation before Id be wearing a bikini.

Just not sure what to say for three mins of video blathering. Yes, Id like to be on it to push myself and do something amazing, yadda, yadda, more cliches, do something for myself for once, feel life is passing me by.

But they will get another 39,999 applicants saying the same guff.

I could say how I was annoyed at the pathetic ness of some of this year's contestants and I'm sure I could do better. . Plus I have a great idea for digging a pit in the damp sand with a container in and a plastic sheet over the top and I think I could turn condensation into distilled water. But maybe I shouldn't say that as they might think I'm too good to go on the show.

I'm sure I could fish better as well. I've never fished before but it can't be that hard!

If anyone has a baby on the island Id have that emergency covered!

Three minute blathering then, lots of time to read up on stuff and blag it, so...you've an interest in foraging and pride yourself on being able to feed your starving children in a healthy and nutritious manner from the gatherings from the Forest of Dean, supplemented on Sundays by a roast chicken, one of those mythical beasts which provide a roast lunch one day + a variety of dishes for the subsequent days.

And then we move on to what you can do with a wild boar...much emphasis on the efficacity of BG's branded overpriced knife, of course...

They want people with no survival experience though. I guess muppets make for better tv. I mean I don't actually have any survival experience. I did once spend a few hours in a survival bag while waiting to be found by the mountain rescue so maybe I am a muppet?

Just seen on local fb group that Bear has been in town at a bit scout thing today. Maybe it's an omen! I could have gone down there and demanded a place if Id known!

Right then viva, how's this promo vid shaping up?What's your usp? Big baps perhaps? Always good, big baps

And how are the words going? Need any help? We're full of good ideas and wouldn't it be a neat trick if you got picked? We could get this secret code going where you give us secret signals as to how it really is and what you really think about the others. Specially the latter, natch. Might have idyllic white sand there, but, really, we like a bit of dirt, too

when is mens final wed or thur?

It's on Wednesday. Apparently, from my TV book, they're just now deciding to see if there's any meat on the island?

I do not believe it!!

I didn't like the editing. I would rather have seen more! Like big brother style thing.

Thanks for day confirmation.

I've not done the video yet....am trying to think of some sort of witty script.

If by some miracle I did get a place Id spill the beans on all the gossip, etc.

How about if I start with me in the garden trying and failing to light a fire by rubbing two sticks together. I could then eat a raw snail on the film to prove my commitment and dedication!

They do want people with no survival experience. So the more you talk about your nails and hair the better. They don't have to know you have been swatting up on your SAS survival guide.

I've come up with what I think is a good idea for the video. Not saying anything else.

OK then, Miss Good Idea, keep your bonkersgood idea to yourself and see if we care

They're going to see if you're telegenic, too. Artfully tousled hair, and it seems that a sprinkling of freckles is fashionable, too, easy enough to fake.

Good luck!

I may fall down on the telegenic side of things. Will paint some freckles on.

Oooh, this is exciting! I hope you get in VivaLeBeaver.

If you do, can you use some sort of code to indicate where you are timewise? Like wearing a red ribbon for week 1, blue for week 2 etc?

I wonder if they have to sign the equivalent of the Official Secrets Act once they're picked?

Homing pigeons! That's what we need. Homing pigeons! One of us could live with the pigeon on that adjacent island and act as liaison between you lot in rainy Britain and Viva in the sun...

Tell you what! I know a bloke with racing pigeons round here, I'll go and chat him up. Then I'll volunteer for the long slog on a Pacific island. Someone's gotta do it