X FACTOR - It's BIG BAND week! And we've got Mickey Bubbles..sort of...

[Raahh]

Just look at this song list

Andrea Faustini
Summertime (by Ella Fitzgerald)

Lauren Platt
Smile (by Nat King Cole)

Only The Young
I Wanna Be Like You (From The Jungle Book)

Stereo Kicks
Still TBC!

Ben Haenow
Cry Me A River (by Michael Buble)

Fleur East
Bang Bang (byJessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj)

Jay James
Empire State of Mind/New York New York medley (by Alicia Keys/Frank Sinatra)

Stevi Ritchie
Mambo Number 5/ She Bangs medley (by Lou Bega/Ricky Martin)

I'm sure an orchestra might be involved somewhere, but most of this list is frankly rubbish. Twice.
Someone got 'Bang' and 'Band' mixed up.
The best one there is 'TBC'

They are all going to be drowned out by the brass section, aren't they?

See you later.

Bring nibbles.

Rudy- I went out with a bloke who named his man parts. This was before I found out he actually preferred to be dressed as a woman called Samantha.

He had a beard and hairy legs, he was not a pretty woman.

Err let me think about that Cal

For a nanosecond. I'm not eager to meet King Richard

clunt v stevie to leave
can't decide which would be more horrific to keep in

Not Ernie.. Its one of my fav songs too. The working class hero..loved that video on totp

No. I doubt any if us ever want to be me acquainted with king Richard.

I think Clunt would call his the Bo'Sun. Or First Mate. Or Skipper. Deffo Navy tho, YY.
Stevi might go more off piste. Like The PleasureSeeker or something. You know it.

nancy-that would be great. It could be Christmas number one. As it was the week I was born Christmas 1971

I once went out with a twat bloke who wanted me to meet Helen and Shake hands with her

Readers, Helen was his penis

I don't know why they keep mentioning he's a nice guy and a dad, so are lots of people, but I wouldn't want to see them on X Factor murdering songs in a thrusty karaoke fashion.

Rudolph I think you're right about the Fleur thing. She's as charismatic as Leona (ie. not at all) but with about 0.001% of her singing ability. I really don't get it at all.

Honestly, I think I'd rather shag louis before clunt or melty. And that's completely improbably, because I'm not a teenage boy.

Soooo..... How was Stevi? Doggie had to poo so I missed it.

Me too Raah. The naming that is, not the other.
Only his name was (for eg) Tom and he called it Little Tom. Awkward as it really, really was. Tweezers job, really.

Helen

rudy, surely clunt is far too arrogant to call his anything other than captain?

Raffles- it's true they need someone with a bit of personality on the tour. The rest of them are no fun.

cyclope I hope that was a short relationship...

Cyclo, yuk! Men are so obsessed with their bits.. Why?

You probably saw more talent in your dog pooing dil

HELEN
of Troy? Daniels? Surely Daniels. Please yes.

At least FleurBeur can skip half her gigs if she gets as bored as us.

Oh Dear Me. This is terrible.

I think Rudolph might be right. They're employing louis logic here and imagining that no one I'll really be able to tell the difference between fleur and Leona.

I'd rather sleep with Simon before Stevi...