Master chef the Professionals. Marcus, come and criticise our suveè.

[Fuckerysmuckeryboilsnspornery]

A week to go till we can snuggle down under a warm blanquette of jus.
What will this season fig and samphire be?

Chris' face is eminently smackable.

Yay!

Yeah! Cutie has been saved.

At least lee was humble. Expected chris to stamp his feet.
Critics, yay it's Jay!

This lot have spent a fortune on ingredients for this round.

Textures of onion!

I had mackerel with textures of gooseberries in a poncetastic tasting menu. It was like masterchef gold.

In fact, apparently the mackerel with textures of gooseberry was a winning fish dish from some series of the great british menu.

I'm hungry now. Will have to have textures of biscuit done three ways.

Someone who's practised a dish?!

Aw can you imagine cutie Ben as a hooligan. That sounds lovely.

Why don't chefs take the stalks off strawberries these days? They taste nasty.

The strawberries looked horrible. All grey.

I'm having a mono textured vodka and tonic.

Ben would the most angelic hooligan.

We've got some sort of reconstructed tea and biscuit for pudding.

Jay Rayner has put some weight back on, Charles Whatsit has lost a lot of weight.

Arf @ Jay.

I've cream and pannacotta and fondant-all fraught with danger.
You reckon the woman critic is MNetter? She has just got bingo.

You know what that needs. Mash.

I want to eat that piece of cow.

I think you are that woman Ohwhat!

Were those a little burnt?

Looks slightly messy but tasty enough.

I really like Tracey. And I want her dress.

She so doesn't look like a Tracey, bet she hates her name.