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THURSDAY......................9.00.................."I SMACK AND I'M PROUD"......................

191 replies

RTKangaMummy · 18/09/2006 22:33

THURSDAY 21 SEPTEMBER

Documentary

I Smack and I'm Proud

9:00pm - 10:00pm

ITV1 London

VIDEO Plus+: 8537
Subtitles, widescreen

Documentary looking at and analysing the behaviour of five sets of parents who believe in smacking as an appropriate means of disciplining their children. Experts Dr Miriam Stoppard, Lynette Burrows and Professor Christina Lyons and other parents give their views - both for and against.

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OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 21/09/2006 21:59

davina99 - i contacted the police. They said taht they believe that prior to the programme being aired any concerns about welfare would have been looked into. I think that is complete hogwash, as if a child under the age of 16 is reported to the police as being abused they are a duty to investigate it.

I am loathed to call NSPCC in case they have a cue of children who are being smacked calling for help.

Tempted to called social services but will they actually do something?

TheBlonde · 21/09/2006 22:00

I could only bear to watch a couple of minutes of it
The woman with the fish slice was scary and the whole thing v upsetting
I've complained to ITV and Ofcom

saadia · 21/09/2006 22:02

It was very uncomfortable, depressing and worrying viewing. These parents quite obviously have no imagination if their immediate response to everything is a smack. And the people who claimed that a smack did them no harm - they are not nice people.

QueenEagle · 21/09/2006 22:03

I have always been pro smacking. But I tell you what, MY smacking is not in the same league as these vile people. I am ashamed that people would think I would be anything like these dreadful people (you might have realised though that they would be weirdo extreme examples though) and this alone will make me think twice, nay three times before smacking my kids ever again.

All those well reasoned arguments on MN have never changed my mind in 18 months I have been signed up to it. These, vile, hideous poeple on this programme have changed my mind in less than 18 mintutes.

davina99 · 21/09/2006 22:05

I watched it thru and so so happy to see the devon family finally realise that smacking is not the answer but how can they not see that Mitchell just needs more love and that jealousy is normal when a sibling arrives, I think that mum was wierd how can you smile watching that footage. We all live in our happy bubbles and forget these poor kids who are stuck in their difficult situations, oh to have a magic wand!

Blu · 21/09/2006 22:05

That was at least one ok ending. Martin has resolved to smack no more.
The others...fish slice woman, and the Christians (I would bet my savings) will not reconsider...and i THINK Aaron's parents were on another parenting programme? Supernanny or something?

I thought this would be a programme that somehow showed happy balanced families who managed to incorporate smacking into thier life. The Christians came closest to that...but i found all that 'I sat her on my knee and said 'Mummy's going to spank you' ' creepy.

MamaMaiasaura · 21/09/2006 22:06

Is there anyway we can as mumsnet report our views and try and do something?

QE (hugs) good to see you x

MamaMaiasaura · 21/09/2006 22:08

Blu - That just doesnt make sense... how can happy well balanced familys incorparate smacking.

It is akin to how can a happy balanced marriage incorporate the husband phyically punishing wife.. (used to be considered ok tho)

Blu · 21/09/2006 22:08

QE - fish slice woman aside, why do you think they were extreme and weird? I am sure they represent millions just like them.

mumfor1standfinaltime · 21/09/2006 22:09

Seems to me that the programme is doing good as it has certainly opened up my eyes to some of the world of smacking and many others on mumsnet.

I was smacked as a child by my mum but only when I was very naughty (which wasnt very often) and was usually on the bum or legs. My dad has never laid a finger on me, ever. He was infact beaten as a child with a belt (his back is full of scars)and was often locked in a cupboard. This is why he never touched me.

mumfor1standfinaltime · 21/09/2006 22:10

Aaron was on another programme - the one where they have to do parenting classes. That woman is vile, always swearing and hitting out. If anyone has problems it's her!

Blu · 21/09/2006 22:12

Awen - I don't know! I didn't mean to advocate it, i just thought from the programme adverts that somehow there were parents prepared to say "I smack and i'm proud' and would then, somehow, manage to show us what they have to be proud of...

I REALLY worry about those poor children being shown on national tv being hit and humiliated like that.

imaginaryfriend · 21/09/2006 22:15

I haven't read all the posts but I've read a lot of them. This has to be one of the most depressing programmes I've seen in ages. To think that this kind of behaviour goes on in loads of homes and all those poor kids are being treated like this.

That bloke with the little boy who asked him on camera: 'do you hate me for smacking you' 'no' said the boy nervously 'thank you' said the father. What kind of psychological bullshit torture is he doing with all that?

Some people really truly do NOT understand or remember anything about what being a child is like or about.

Horrible horrible horrible.

AND one of the couples were on a programme about a year or two ago in which parents with disciplining problems went on a kind of course with other families to change their behaviour. They even re-used some of the footage of the hitting from the other programme. What's that all about?

texasrose · 21/09/2006 22:16

Very sickened and saddened by this programme. TBH, as much by the general atmosphere in those homes (the aggression, stress, lack of respect or decent communication, the swearing) as by the actual hitting itself.

The comment made that children "like a smack"(???) reminded me of how men used to justify hitting their wives (still do I'm sure but thankfully I've never experienced that myself).

I don't see how any parent could ever swear at or hit their child. It's inevitable that the children will pretty soon learn to swear or hit back. They learn by what we do, who we are, how we react to life, not just by what we say.

My parenting mantra is: Be the person you want your child to become. If you want them to be a good, respectful citizen who loves life and enjoys relationships with all sorts of people, model that in your own life as much as possible. Idealistic maybe but it works for me and on days when the stress level starts to rise in our house it reminds me to take a step back, take a breather if I need to and re-focus on the real job of parenting, the bigger picture - then you can go back in and deal with what's immediate.

Writing these things has helped me to re-focus after that awful programme!

QueenEagle · 21/09/2006 22:17

Awen, hi nice to see you back, hope all is well.

Blu, the fishslice woman was weird - did you see those euebrows? She should have been sectioned purely on those alone!

Joking aside, I'm afraid when I hear the phrase "smacking in the name of religion" my heart sinks - I fear it usually means some kind of wacko ritualistic type thing. The woman with the two girls and Mitchell's parents need to go on a positive parenting course to equip them with other skills to discipline their kids. It will take a lot, I fear - they set no example by their own foul language and obvious anger/power issues.

The tv company should be taken to task for failing to provide a balanced viewpoint - we all know these people were picked because it would set the debate raging.

MatNanPlus · 21/09/2006 22:18

I'm sure the police loved the 'christian' families reasoning.

That may have been the last physical abuse Mitchell recieve - pray to god, poor lad, they ruin him and then expect him to accept a baby, they never asked if spencer could join him in play just assumed, poor wee guy.

As for fish slice slapper, slapped for being playful WTF, i think i would prefere her kids to drink/take drugs and get pregnant than go around committing ABH on anyone smaller than themselves.

A very sad programme. If you have to do it more than a few times...duh it isn't working.

As for family of 6, i remember them on a parenting/anger programme and i see things have gone downhill even more, yep slap a SN child, he'll wake up 'normal' in the morning if you do it often enough, think he is SN because of the smacking and abusive language personally.

Loved the NSPCC advert, should have shown the whole range in the gap.

mummymic · 21/09/2006 22:18

but what about the poor little boy (well im not so sure he was that poor with his language and behaviour!) who had curry powder and pepper in his mouth to remove the bad words! surely to god this is child abuse??????????????
all of these parents wsere no more than big fat bullies - do they have such low self esteem that the only way they can make themselves feel good is to physically pick on someone smaller than them?????????

davina99 · 21/09/2006 22:20

just went onto the itv website and only 43% of parents disagree with smacking, this programme as saddening as it was certainly did make people think - hopefully! but its not enough more should be done on a massive scale, a nationwide scheme should be set up but in a positive more factual way rather than opinionated, most people get angered by opinions but there has to be plenty of psychological reports on the damage done by smacking, it has to be possible to re-educate a large number of parents and every parent re-educated means at least one more child not being smacked.

QueenEagle · 21/09/2006 22:22

texasrose - A good point about the atmospehre in the homes being as bad as the smacking itself.

A couple of them - Mitchells dad and the religious family came across as power/control freaks - one of them said, "I want him to think how I think" (have I got that right?) - they don't see them as kids but mini adults and they will never succeed with anyhting regarding their kids whilst they have this attitude.

I didn't see the end, I couldn't bear to watch anymore.

Blu · 21/09/2006 22:22

mummymic - yes very stupid and cruel to have put those things in his mouth.

imaginaryfriend · 21/09/2006 22:23

mummymic, that boy was the son of the family who were on a previous parenting programme. They obviously are proud of their lack of control and learnt nothing from the other programme they were meant to being re-educated on!

Blu · 21/09/2006 22:25

I think they just re-cycled material from the previous programme, didn't they?

rushour · 21/09/2006 22:26

after watching this prog. tonight, i've shed some tears..and has certainly put things into perspective for me and DH..we only ever want the best for our children and we are their mentors, role models etc from the moment they r born..we cannot force them into becoming who we want them to become..this is something they develop individually and parents must accept and love them for this..that poor SN child..their parents just can't accept him for him..instead of the continual shouting and smacking..could they not divert his attention to something else..garden, bike, toys, park..i felt that parents were devoting too much time to discipline and not enough time to spending quality time with children..for me, this is the time i can de-stress (sometimes!)..yes I get stressed and wen I do, i can identify with it and ask DH to take over..whilst I take time out..going to bed now..hope i don't get any nightmares after watching that!

MamaMaiasaura · 21/09/2006 22:27

soz Blu just read it all again and understood it what you meant now

imaginaryfriend · 21/09/2006 22:27

Yes, they did. Bloody nightmare couple that pair. Poor kid. You could see how he was winding them up in a very chaotic way. He'll learn to equate 'affection' with violence. Especially as so many of these serial hitters feel remorse and over-compensate with cuddles and demands of love later on.

Yuck. Horrible. Should be completely banned.