my 16 yr old ds is having sex with his 15 yr old gfriend.

[maltesers]

do you mums think it is wrong that my ds of 16, 17 in april is having sex with his 15 yr old girlfriend? Know she is underage, but guess it doesnt matter what i say if theyre going to do it they will. she is on the pill and he is using comdoms. feel he could have waited another year especially as she is only 15, but her mum is all ok it seems bout it. she picks her dd up from our house at least three times a week. cant always stay in to make sure their feet are on the floor.

whilst the advice on here is really sensible and i agree with the majority of it including how maltesers has a fab relation ship and she is a shining light in the ways of communication with a teenager- that said - i couldnt watch the tell whilst my 15 year old lad was getting his rocks off in his room - with my permission - whilst his younger bro and sis are in the house - nah, they would have to do it in someones backyard like i did - cos i just couldnt let them do it.

do have fairly regualr talks about contraception - make sure my lad had a pocket ful on holiday just in case and my girl will go on the pill as soon as periods start i suspect.

malteser
Whilst I don't think it bad at all that they are having sex, I do think it is a problem that they are doing it when you have told them not to. That shows a lack of respect for your wishes from your son. Now I know that that is normal in teenagers, but you might want to clear it up. As you do seem OK about it, let him know that. And I agree with custy that having sex in your house whilst you are out is completely different to doing it whilst you are there (I still won't have sex with my dh when we go to my parents - and they must know we do it - we've given them 2 grandchildren

Somehow my mum managed to get the message across to me that she completely disagreed with me having underage sex (I was 15) however I still talked to her about it and told her I was on the pill etc. When I think back this was quite an achievement as I still dont know why I talked to her about it even knowing how strongly she disagreed with my choice. I would really like this relationship with my children when they are older, I really respected my mums point of view however was made to feel like I was responsible and mature enough to make my own decisions. I would love to be able to help my children make their own decisions whilst still offering my opinion and experiences like she did. She obviously appreciated that forcing her views on me was not going to be productive.

How can i make sure they dont get fruity when i am in. Its embarrassing and makes you look ridiculous to keep popping into his room. Yes, i dont like the fact that they might be 'at it' whilst i am at home, but dont want to be a complete 'Chairlie' and make sure they have got both feet on the floor all the time. know they have sex, so why flap too much, every time his girlfriend comes round. he is 17 in April.

Maltesers, you tell them. Imho, in your situation, if I felt as you do (not sure how I'd feel atm) I would speak to them and tell them simply and firmly that you don't want them having sex in this particular situation and I would explain why. I would also point out when it is ok... i.e when no one else is in the house (or whatever). It is your house and it is up to you to lay down the rules so that you don't feel uncomfortable in your own house.

I agree with Winnie. He is probably really frearful of being caught at it - just keep popping up to his room when his girlfriend is there to offer cups of coffee, sandwiches etc. And I think taht if you tell him you feel it is ok for him to be having sex, but don't like it when you are around, he is likely to respect your views.

You could also point out that if they are adult enough to be having sex, they are adult enough to be having it in an adult way, ie not when other people are around who could be disturbed by it!

I was engaged at the age of 15, I see nothing wrong about this at all! If they're mature enough to be open about everything and use proper protection then (without knowing anything else about them) I'd say they're doing what comes naturally... it is just nature after all!

Again you should be open and honest and crystal clear about not wanting them to have sex when you're around... they should respect you, as long as you're not around 24/7! Although I must admit it never stopped me and my dh... we just did it more quietly

THANKYOU all you mnetters for all your opinions and advice. It has been a great help. Feel now that he isnt so bad afterall. Wish my ds' relationship with gf wasnt so heavy but still it has turned him into a really nice boy this last term or two. maybe sixth form has helped as well.

Its better to have a steady g/f than to be out drinking every night looking for one!

my rule was with my girls when they got to that age they had to be mature enough to come discuss going on the pill in an adult manor and have a steady boyfriend before i was cool with it,it is illigal but you wont stop them,so better you know where and how there doing it with

Just reading this thread with a lot of interest. My children are 11 and two 8 1/2.

I can't remember whether I was 28 or 29 when I lost my virginity, but my dh is the only man I have ever slept with and I am proud of it for it, it is what I wanted.

BUT with my own children if I was in your situation Maltesers I probably would be worried about the age thing, but most importantly I would be proud that my son was using contraception, and his girlfriend too, and that he/they felt that they could talk to me about it, and act in a responsible manner. The age isn't really the issue. I would want my children to start having sex when they were ready, and hopefully with someone who respects them as well, not just wants sex.
It is very difficult, but even though I had a strict upbringing, I try to be very open with mine, so that they know about life and the emotional side as well.

As for the people who are against, I suspect their children are very young, and its all very well saying, this is wrong, and that is wrong, but how could you stop two teenagers, you have to let them grow up, and all you can do is guide and support them.

Good luck Maltesers.

Maltesers, I only hope my DSs grow up to be so mature at 16. I'd be very proud of having the sort of relationship with my son that encourages him to talk these things through with me. Yes I think the love of a good woman can have a positive effect on most men, whatever their age! Just be ready with the Kleenex for the almost inevitable break-up.

AH , THANKS KGIRL AND WORDSWORTH, that was nice of you to say what you said. There seems to be only so much you can stop them doing by the time they reach 14 . You cannot keep them at home and not let teenagers out. What they do at otherfriends houses we will never know. I always say,'please dont drink too much, please dont smoke,' but it impossible to stop them. My daughter is still on the straiaght and narrow in that respect. but dont spose it will last very much longer !

Sorry i meant WORDSMITH, SORRY !

Maltesers,

At least your son has been open enough to talk to you about this.

I would agree with the comment previously made that many young girls (not just to say boys) are not emotionally mature enough to deal with the consequences of a sexual relationship and fallout from it when a relationship fails. Physically mature yes but that and emotional maturity are two very separate issues.

I think that there is more at stake here than mum doing a great job and what responsible teenagers, to both I would agree.

But the fact is it is breaking the law, who decides when its ok to bend the law and not to? What if these teenagers with the raging hormones have a raging row and she's cries rape? One of our rolls as parents is to protect and guide, we would be failing if we did not cover every angle, we are after all the parent and the ones with experience and foresight.

I'm not saying that there is a surefire answer to this situation as clearly there is not.

But I can say that my home will not be used as a knocking shop, any child of mine ANY age in my house will not be left alone with ANY aged partner to have one thing lead to another. When they are old enough to pay their own bills and mortgage then more power to them but not under my roof.

I fully understand that this does solve the problem of teenagers having underage sex, but it is my house with my rules and I am trying to encourage the correct behaviour. Clearly I wont start this once the ball has already begun rolling, I will ingrain this into their head from the get-go!! We can talk 'sex' until the cows come home, the information or access to information will always be available to my children as will the social and moral responsibility they undertake when they wish to start their sexual endeavours.

I'm not prudish or strict, I just have strong opinions over such matters and they will not be negotiable.

Meant to say "I fully understand that this does not" !!!!!

tamula

just out of interest how old are your children?

Thank heavens I've not got a daughter!

Just done some searching and found the following site - age of consent .
No surprise that the age of sexual consent in some US states is 18 (how many on this thread would have broken those laws?) but some surprise that the age is 17 in Northern Ireland.
The site states that in Texas (17) no action is taken if the boyfriend's age is within three years of the girl's (unless there is coercion).

I am 30 years old expecting my first child in 2 weeks. I am my mothers daughter and have a pretty clear idea on whats acceptable and whats not. Clearly I cannot predict the future and I dont doubt that I will change as a person as I progress through life and parenthood but I defy anyone that says I will reach a place where my child or children will be having underage sex in my home. Its not going to happen.

We are all entitled to our own opinions and i'm not here to go with the majority I'm here to go with me! {smile]

Just thought I'd tell you out of interest

I would say that for every time they do the business your house, you and his father will loudly do it as revenge ...

Seriously, I think your attitude is great Maltesers.

The law is there to prevent abuses of power, not to stop teenagers from expressing their sexual selves in mutually agreeable relationships!!!

I'd also just like to add that I dont expect my 'no sex at home' policy to stop or prevent sex from occuring but its a clear signal and something for them to think about.

Just because my future teenage children may be hell bent on having sex doesnt mean I have to compromise on what I as a person and a parent deems right or wrong. Why should it? I'm not gonna be the one liking or lumping the situation they are! not in a malicious way or unkind way, but who's the parent? I'm also against sex of any age under my roof not only underage sex.

I pool my opinions on how I was raised, my experiences growing up and the current state of western society, where sex, being skinny and mass consumerism being spoon fed via bad tv and pants glossies is king.

I dont think so.