my 16 yr old ds is having sex with his 15 yr old gfriend.

[maltesers]

do you mums think it is wrong that my ds of 16, 17 in april is having sex with his 15 yr old girlfriend? Know she is underage, but guess it doesnt matter what i say if theyre going to do it they will. she is on the pill and he is using comdoms. feel he could have waited another year especially as she is only 15, but her mum is all ok it seems bout it. she picks her dd up from our house at least three times a week. cant always stay in to make sure their feet are on the floor.

PW, why do you assume that those who choose to have sex under the legal age of consent are "jumping into bed" ?

All of us on this board have had sex (I think?). I doubt many of us have tried heroin. Not the same thing at all.

Sorry, don't want to alarm anyone, i realised I'm not sure if the law about it being automatically considered rape if the person is under 16 has come in yet - it was due to come in in September as far as I remember, but don't know if it was passed.

Also agree drugs and sex are not the same thing at all.

malteser - I too think you have done a great job if you have a boy who is mature and confident enough to take resoinsibility, use a condom, and have what seems to be a good committed relationship.
Keep talking to him, make sure that he understands (I'm sure he does) that he can't 'expect' girls to want sex, and that if he starts another relationship, he needs to be just as happy if his next girlfriend doesn't feel as comfortable with it as this one does.

If everyone is sure that they are happy to be in a sexual relationship, I think sensitive support from communicative trusted and trusting adults is the best way to help young people develop responsible and caring sexual relationships. I think you should be proud of him, malteser!

For heroin, read blow, pot, skunk or anything else NCMM, if it makes you any happier and my argument less bizarre.

Makes perfect sense to me. My kids won't be doing either at my house.

They're not even remotely the same, open ... you, presumably, have sex in your house, but I'm assuming you're not doing heroin (or whatever drug) in your house?

And presumably there is some age or marital status that will mean you'll be ok with your kids having sex in your house? While drugs will remain forever forbidden?

Again, linking heroin to pot is anothet tenuous link.

Maltesers, I'd be really happy if my daughter ever went out with a boy such as your dS. He seems very mature, I can only assume it's the result of good parenting on your part
Teenager don't always make the decisions you would choose for them !But as parents we can only guide and encourage them.

Self Respect is something you have to have in this day and age, if you dont respect yourself nobody else will.

You can say yes or no to anything you want, but you have to live with the consequces at the end of the day.

Self respect gives you the confidence to be who you are, not what someone else expects you to be. If this girl wanted to have sex that is up to her, whether she respects herself in the future that is a different story. You have the rest of your life to try sex, why cram it all in as soon as you think your body is ready. Next you will tell me that it is okay for a 13 year old as she is being open with her parents.

Yes I do think you are doing a good job as being a parent as not many children would discuss this. But he needs to watch who he is doing it with.

It is classed as Jumping into bed isnt it.

"why cram it all in as soon as you think your body is ready. " Why didn't wait until you were 40 then, PW ?! Give yourself something to look forward to

That is being ridiculous

Open - how will you stop them doing this at your house at that age? You won't always be able to be at home with a 15/16 year old. What do you plan to do, get a babysitter to watch them? I was brought up by strict catholic parents with your attitude but it didn't stop me.

Do you not remember being 15?? I only wish my hormones were as lively these days, instead of being suppressed by toddlers

Pinkwebby - the important thing is that we all stick to the standards that comprise our OWN self-respect - not other people's. I think many 15 year-olds are capable of making very mature emotional judgements, and need to have some control over exploration of their own sexula feelings. if she, and her parents attach no value judgemnent as sex as a bad thing per se, why should her self respect suffer? Because people who 'disapprove' look down on her, perhaps?

Re - "jumping into bed". Jumping into bed implies that it was a rash split-second decision. Who is to say that this girl and her boyfriend didn't sit down and discuss decision to have sex ? The girl may well have felt physically ready for sex 6 months prior to actually doing it. Just because she was 12- months away from her 16th birthday does not mean that there was no consideration going into her decision to have sex.

At 15 yes maybe

open and pw, sorry but you're both making me laugh...i can't take your comments seriously at all...sex and heroin are not the same thing, and a girl can be a woman at 14 or still a little girl at 24, it depends on the individual case. how on earth can it be that she is totally unself respecting and badly brought up the day before her 16th bday but it's all fine the day after. they are obviously in a long term relationship,and are open with their parents both of which suggest that they have both been brought up with moral values etc.

caligula, the law stands to protect children from exploitation and/or abuse. no policeman in their right mind would consider prosecuting the ds for this, especially given no objection from parents...don't you think?

I think both have shown alot of maturity in both being honest with their parents, and also about taking the responibility of using contraception. Yes, its illegal, and yes they are both very young, but as long as all parties concerned are aware and that all precautions are taken, then I think the situation is being dealt with very maturely.

At the end of the day, you know what youngsters in this day and age are like, tell them they can't do something, and they'll just do it behind your back and thats where problems start.

I think my point is - both in illegal drug taking and illegal sex - you are breaking a law.

If we all broke laws whenever we wanted to, we would no longer have a society. Don't we have reasonable laws for reasonable reasons?

No, sophable, sex and heroin are not the same thing. But underage sex and heroin use are both illegal.

I am glad we are making you laugh. I feel very strongly about it and I am allowed to have my opinion.

Good luck to both of them and their future.

Maltesers, As long as you dont mind, dont worry about it, you should be proud of him for being open with you.

i can't remember what the figures were but on the radio yesterday it was said that the majority of us speed when we're driving. so that makes us a nation of criminals, ok?

now back to the matter in hand...i am so pleased that malteser's ds is behaving in such a responsible manner. most boys in my 6th form would have left it up to the girl (ie contraception, hiv wasn't in the headlines back in '83) and he's not "jumping into bed" with anyone, he's in a steady relationship.

my son of 16 having sex with gf which sparked off this massive debate is a really nice mature boy.he is kind and considerate and not a 'lad'. the gf is very mature. i can onlu thank god they are using contraceptives x2. my dd of 14 on the other hand has not had a bf yet. when she does i will be maybe more concerned for her. its the females who get pregnant afterall !

I thought being open had nothing to do with it pinkwebby?