my 16 yr old ds is having sex with his 15 yr old gfriend.

[maltesers]

do you mums think it is wrong that my ds of 16, 17 in april is having sex with his 15 yr old girlfriend? Know she is underage, but guess it doesnt matter what i say if theyre going to do it they will. she is on the pill and he is using comdoms. feel he could have waited another year especially as she is only 15, but her mum is all ok it seems bout it. she picks her dd up from our house at least three times a week. cant always stay in to make sure their feet are on the floor.

I think that an age of consent of 12 is awful tbh. Girls that I teach of that age are often unable to organise a book bag, let alone a sex life!

While I accept that teenagers will want to experiment, and are hormone fueled, I do think that large numbers of children are being 'sexualised' (for want of a better word) too early.

What next? Children of 13 with their mother not having a probelm with it? And I've taught a few of them too. By and large I don't think that most kids of this age are ready, some are, but most are not. And while it isn't helpful to hide your head in the sand and just tell them 'don't do it', neither is saying, 'well go ahead, I don't mind'.

Caligula, re the stats, some fall in age might be true, but just remember there is great kudos in having 'done it' and these are the same kids who tell me that their last teacher let them play music on their mp3 players while in class. Just coz they say it, it don't mean it's so!

My mum actively advocated me going on the pill at 15. Now let me just emphasis, had been out with a boy for yonks (a least a year). We (bf and I discussed, and we both weren't ready), 6 months later and I was 16, I wnet to mum and asked for the Dr's appointment.

I would do the same with DD, I hope that we have an open enough realtionship to discuss these things, and that she will come to me and let me help her.

Also as a postnote, is that I think that my biggest mistake was getting too involved with that sex had too lead to marriage, My first Exh, was firmly of the view that if you slept together you had to get married.

My folks had only ever slept together, and in a sense I felt totally trapped, " I had slept with him, therefore come what may I must marry him! "

Excaltly the same happened with DD, I had a child and therefore when he asked me to get married I had to say Yes!!!

The moral to all this I suppose, is that society places so many burdens on us to do the right thing!!

Think for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wasn't ready to get maried at 19. I was ready to have sex aty 16, I jus shouldn't have been pushed into a place where I had to marry the guy I slept with at 16.

Not previewing, if this is a load of shit, plesae igniore

Pink Webby

Okay maybe I was a bit different, I dont approve of it at fifteen you are classed as a child there is no getting away from that. I went to an all girls school yes we did talk about it and there was and always is peer pressure to be the first in your class, but we were also told that you had to respect yourself.

Are you Catholic, I am sure you went to school with me.

I agree it is less than ideal,but having seen my friends DD's coming up before my DS, I would rather know where they are, than not.

I have a friend who is GP who holds a family planning clinic for teenagers. We live in a relatively well-off area so lower than average problems of teenage pregancies and STDs etc. She says she has a large number of 'customers' some as young as 12 but most around 15 or 16 who come to her for advice, pills, condoms etc. She says that many of the most responsible and mature kids come with their mums and she is delighted to see this. She would rather give a fifteen year old or even a 12 year old contraception than sort out the alternative mess later. Teenagers do have sex whether we like it or not. The lucky ones have mums like maltesers who make sure their kids are safe. The unlucky ones have nobody they can talk to because their parents would faint with shock at the thought.

I would agree with one rider. That the luckiest ones of all don't feel pressured by society into having sex before they are ready. I would feel happy if dd asked me for help and advice at age 15 regarding sex. I would feel happier yet if she didn't feel the need until she was older.

And at 42 (grin) I know that vast numbers of very vulnerable girls are having sex way before they are capable of dealing with the emotional consequences, let alone the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy or a dose of the clap. In many, many cases these are not the terably mature, composed girls who know what they want from life. They are underconfident, often ignored by their families and desparate for someone to locve them and to recognise that they are growing up. So they shag some sptty herbert who can't wait to tell his mates that she is 'easy' and they should have a shot at her!

I tell you, you haven't lived until you've coped with kids of 14 with 24 year old 'boyfriends' who's mothers don't think there is a problen because 'she is so mature and is on the pill'. Yeh, right.

Oh, sorry I haven't had a message???

Oh god, CATted you, it obviously didn't get through. Will try again - which name are you registered under?

If 'happy' didn't work, try hmb. That said dh has so many safelty things on the computer it is a wonder that anything ever gets to me!

It won't do hmb, tried happymerryberries, nothing life or death anyway!

Maltesers, I wish my mum had been like you when I was 15.

She wasn't old enough, that was my point. But her mother thought she has done her bit by putting the girl on the pill

I have already said that I think that the teenagers we are discussiong are very sensible to use double protection. I also think that they are very unusual (sadly) in doing so.

The reason I worry more about a 14 year old getting pregnant more than say and 18 year old is that the older you are, generaly, the better able you are to cope with these things,. In addition the yonger you are the more danger to the baby and the mother (mirrored at the other end of the age range btw). And also statitically the yonger you are when you start having sex (unprotected) the more likely you are do get cervical cancer.

Rates of STDs are rising, many of them leading to infertility in later life. Younger girls are far less likely to have the confidence to ask a boy to use a condom. It isn't a case of morality, it is practicality!

Out of interest what was it? Can yo post it here?

Do you think one reason teenage pregnancies - and didn't I read the age of 'having sex' generally - are lower in countries like Holland is precisely because better sex education means learning about all the other stuff as well as penetration? When your idea of sex is 'doing it', unalloyed by acts that might be rather more enjoyable and, incidentally, a lot less likely to cause pregnancy or STDs, perhaps you're a bit limited?

Only that I thought our paths had crossed in our distant right-on past, HMB. I appear to have demonstrated with half of MN in the past.

I think that one of the bigest reasons they have ower rates in holland is that they have fewer girls who see having a child as their way to being accepted as an adult IYSWIM. More girls who are confident in the sexuality and can demand that boys use a cndom, not so many girls who are just desparate to do watever it takes to feel wanted and loved posiibbly? What that what you wanted to cat me over? I've tried to cat you btw

yep.

Agree about the assertiveness but still think that educating kids in alternative acts of filthiness could be a good idea.

Naw, let'em find out for themselves....more fun that way, and it worked for me

Dutch friends of mine have told me that having received such good sex education takes away the mystery and makes it sound less attractive to teenagers; same for the drugs education they also receive.

Very true, Cam. Sex certainly doesn't seem to have the same embarassment factor here with teenagers. The Dutch are VERY matter of fact about it and also with drug education as you pointed out. Much healthier IMO. Still not sure where they came up with the age of 12 though: it does seem very young. My ds is almost 10 and is very much a child and 10 isn't that far away from 12! Will have to look into it further.

TBH, I teach sex ed and I am about as matter of fact as is possible! So I am not sure just what the Dutch do that we do not. I've happily fielded 'spit or swallow' questions and nothing worries me. Kids do get a vast amount of info given to them, the problem is that they never seem to think that it will 'happen to them'