How do you get a grumpy teen up for school in the morning

[BettyStogs]

DS 15 is a nightmare in the mornings! He has to get up at 6.45 ish to be ready to leave at 7.30 to catch the bus to school. He struggles so much to wake up and get up, sleeps through alarms, including a vibrating wrist band, falls back to sleep etc. I am having to go in to him multiple times, which I don't have time for when also trying to get myself ready to leave for work. And of course it's all my fault if he's running late! I know the teenage brain isn't designed to wake that early but unless school start time changes to 10am he doesn't have much choice. Has anyone found a magic bullet to get a grumpy teen out of bed?

My DD is the same, sleeps through the smoke alarm. I have to go in and wake her up by giving her a kiss or hug.

Yes not uncommon for children and teens to sleep through loud alarms, their brains just do not register it.

Your DD is lucky you wake her supportively, she will always remember this.

i wish I had a magic solution but it was so bad with dc doctors were involved etc. we tried absolutely everything suggested here but there was just no drive to get out of bed, no pull to get into school. Would miss mornings got very very behind, had adjusted timetable.

what actually helped was uncovering a well hidden depression and anxiety and once counselling and medication addressed that getting up - while still very hard - happens rather than complete shut down and (morning) school refusal

My dad was the same. He was so lovely at waking us up in the morning. He'd open the curtains, bring us cups of tea and sing to us. It was such a lovely way to be woken even though we grunted and squawked at the daylight.

I always remember my mum waking me with a cup of tea every day that I was at secondary school. She was the sweetest. But I'm a morning person and I would wake up nicely, and then get up with no difficulty, unlike my DS who is a night owl and needs a lot more to wake up.

I have an alarmy app on my phone and I set it so it won't switch off until I take 20 steps so I have to get out of the bed, walk up and down the hall before it will stop

I agree with talking to him about what would get him up.

Maybe when you go in, take his duvet and open the window, cold air is a friend here.

Maybe the12 year old with a water pistol if he isn't up by a certain time, again you need to discuss it with him.

Vibrating bed / under pillow vibrating alarm? They are designed for Deaf people but might be useful to wake him up.

https://www.rnidconnevans.co.uk/product/47774734/40L2300/Big-Digit-Clock-with-Vibration-Alarm-Pad-by-Lifemax

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=vibrating+Alarm+Clocks&rh=n%3A376321011&ref=nb_sb_noss

I would highly recommend a sunrise alarm. I still struggle getting up in a morning but this has really helped me.

Let him learn that actions have consequences by going in late and dealing with the disciplinary measures that the school takes.

My mum would take my duvet away on the days I wasn’t getting up!! I hated it but it got me out of bed

Years ago a high school in England changed its start time until later because the HT believed what you said. It was a disaster. The pupils that had always been late were still late. Pupils were left at home because parents had to leave for work. Some of them just stayed at home and didn’t bother going to school. Some who’d not previously been late, were late because there was no parent getting them out on time. The school changed the start time back again.
The problem is the teen. The majority of them manage to get up on time and get to school on time.

I’m still waiting and my ‘teen’ is at Uni. Nothing worked. We tried everything and the school threatened her with expulsion. No answer I’m afraid. Now she just skips the rare morning lecture. No problem with attending anything post noon.

perhaps 20 is the magic number and they magically get fixed as they are no longer ‘teens’ 😂

Well this morning I told dd13 if she didn't get up i would freeze her bank card.

She managed to get up then 🙄

What happens if he misses school or is late?
I didn’t wake my kids at that age. It was up to them to get themselves up. I know I was lucky as I had kids who would get up though. I didn’t make them breakfast either. I left it all to them.
At 15 I also didn’t nag them about homework. I helped them if asked and I’d make it comfortable for them to study etc but I tried to make it clear that I wasn’t the one responsible for it. Kids tune out if you are always moaning . You need to shift the relationship from child and adult to more of and adult and adult relationship. Obviously 15 year olds aren’t full adults but they aren’t children either.
Do you some allowed online or to game late at night?

Maybe go all out for something different. Both of you get up at 5 and go for a run or swim or lift weights or something really active. Have a big brekky then get ready for school/work.
Start it off as a bet and see how long you can stand it.
It also helps not to ever have lie ins.

I didn't. Not my responsibility to wake up a teenager! My DS13 was late to school numerous times and the school no longer selected him for the football team. Funnily enough, he was never late again!

55 years later, my uncle still talks about how much he now appreciates my Nan nagging and shouting at him to get out of bed when he was a teen. He fully understands that despite all the alarm clocks and consequences in the world, he wouldn’t have got through school and then his apprenticeship without her. Sometimes it’s just one of those things that comes with being a mum and nagging is the only thing that will get results. It will get better eventually!

At various times we have tried everything - the cold wet flannel of doom, removing the duvet, lumi alarm clock, playing the Ride of the Valkyries at full volume... We never did find the magic solution, but what helped was an absolute consistent routine in the mornings. DS is usually completely exhausted, so I am somewhat sympathetic, but our time of departure for leaving the house is fixed - and he has to be showered and had something to eat before then. I try not to yell (however frustrating it is) but I am OK with giving a couple of reminders. Keeping a calm routine works best for us.

I am also not a morning person. The only thing that works for me is a phone app where the alarm goes off, and you can't turn it off unless you get up, take your phone, and scan a particular barcode.

Put the barcode somewhere far away from his bedroom, like in the kitchen or even the back garden or something.

The app I use is called Alarmy. You can customise the alarm sound, or use one of their very loud, unpleasant sounds, set it to get progressively louder etc. You can also customize snooze settings, I find it helpful to allow a two time five minute snooze, then the third alarm forces me to get up and scan the barcode, no more snooze.

def no magic bullet but no phone/gaming after 9 - we use the google family link app for this. And we are now insisting that bags and uniform are done, teeth brushed/shower finished and they are in bed by 10. Can't quite insist on lights out as I like to encourage them to read a bit before dropping off but that might be the next step.

Dd was a shocker, I would send the cat in to wake her up and then bring her breakfast in bed...she only ate toast though and her bedroom adjoined the kitchen, so very minimal effort. She's 27 now and still a fully functioning adult with a full time job despite me making her breakfast,

We bought a router, changed the password and set hours for every device in the house. In my opinion the academically motivated ones get up and the less motivated can struggle more. Thats why it’s ridiculous to just say, tell them to come downstairs for a drink.

Every device including games machines! They can be used for messaging etc 😂

Get up, tell him to get up and remove all the covers from the bed. No WiFi in the house BTW 8pm and 8am. If he doesn't get up and out the gaming station gets put in the bin or sold your choice.

I was totally useless as a teenager, my mum shouted continuously and I more than once missed the bus and she had to take me and was late for work herself. And there was no wifi back then, just stuff like Casualty to keep me up. Never did any gaming.

I learnt to be fully functional in time tho. I hold down a decent job, have a mortgage and now going through the same cycle with my own boys