How do you get a grumpy teen up for school in the morning

[BettyStogs]

DS 15 is a nightmare in the mornings! He has to get up at 6.45 ish to be ready to leave at 7.30 to catch the bus to school. He struggles so much to wake up and get up, sleeps through alarms, including a vibrating wrist band, falls back to sleep etc. I am having to go in to him multiple times, which I don't have time for when also trying to get myself ready to leave for work. And of course it's all my fault if he's running late! I know the teenage brain isn't designed to wake that early but unless school start time changes to 10am he doesn't have much choice. Has anyone found a magic bullet to get a grumpy teen out of bed?

No, but I did buy melatonin gummies so he could go to sleep earlier and that made a big difference. This was with his agreement because he was frustrated that he couldn't get to sleep before 11/12 and was so tired in the mornings.

You model getting up early yourself so there is more time.

In your shoes I'd get up earlier, then go in at 6:30 to wake them and get them downstairs to have a drink.

Then they're on their own and you can get back to your jobs!

Sometimes you have to stop battling and just make it work so you both can win.

Lol
That would make absolutely zero difference to the average teen

Not a magic bullet but here are things to suggest.

Have a talk about it at a separate time like a weekend. Actually "book" a specific time with him when you will sit down and talk. Does he accept that the situation can't go on? What are his thoughts on how things could be improved?

What time is he going to sleep? Can he be honest about that. Is he on devices until late? If so, agree with him about a plan to move his body clock to go to sleep earlier, eg, come off devices and actually go to bed 15 mins earlier each day until it is at a reasonable time.

What consequences will he face at school if he is late? If school will enforce a consequence like a detention, I'd offer help and support as above, but then if he fails to take it, let him face the consequences.

If all the above fails, you could try enforcing a device ban after 9:00 pm. ( I presume you are paying for internet and phone plans etc). Turn off the router, lock devices in a filing cabinet, whatever you have to do. Slowly allow him more control as he proves he can do it without it affecting him getting up for school.

Alarm clock out side his bedroom door with similar decibel rating to a pneumatic drill…that’ll get the beggar up!! We had to put a CD player (one with a sleep function) outside DD’s door. Turned to full volume playing heavy metal….it was absolutely hell, but within two weeks she was waking up before the alarm went off. Because she had to get out of bed cross her floor she was well and truly awake and stopped any sly zooming out, switch off and zooming back to bed. You have to find a noise that your son absolutely hates or it won’t work….! Good luck!

Get him to bed earlier (easier said than done). He is making a choice to not get up, being a teen is no excuse.

Tell him starting tomorrow it will be a rude awakening 10 minutes after his alarm goes off, until he chooses to listen to his alarm. Walk in remove his duvet from room and open blinds.

I tend to use a sledgehammer sometimes 🤣

It's tough. We had those lamps that gradually brighten, but he hated them.

In the end we got everything sorted the night before: bag checked that he had everything he needed for the following day, clean refilled waterbottle, uniform laid out. I'd wake him at 7.00 to ask what he wanted for breakfast and make it for him, then wake him again at ten past. All he had to do was crawl out of bed, clean his teeth, get dressed and take breakfast, wrapped, to eat on the way. It gave him an extra 30 mins. Teens are not programmed to wake that early.

Melatonin gummies sound good but they weren't around ten years ago.

We did also insist phones and laptops got charged downstairs, to avoid them being on screens until 2am if they couldn't get to sleep.

Oh, and my mum used to give me the cold flannel treatment! Used to get me out of bed very quickly, but I think dd might have thumped me if I tried that with her!

How does waking them properly not wake them properly?

The problem in the OP is the lack of time to wake them.

No idea why my very innocuous post has been hidden for MNHQ to look at...

I really feel for you and your DS. It’s a ridiculous time to have to wake up.

First make sure he is going to bed at a reasonable time. Unfortunately, that’s pretty early for a teen. No screen time an hour before bed or in his room.

Make sure his phone is not in the room with him so he sleeps better and has to get up to see it.

Ensure school prep is done the night before.

Offer another 15m in bed if he promises to get up when the alarm goes off.

Knock on the door, bring tea/water and open the curtains - be low key and don’t nag.

Ask your DS what would help them get out of bed on time.

Make him accountable - which might mean missing the bus at least once:

DD struggles too. She had been using an app that doesn't let you turn off or snooze your phone alarm until you have done a task, like take a picture of a tap or a made bed, so it forces you out of bed.

It worked well for a while until the app developed a bug and couldn't be turned off at all 😁

There must be other similar apps available, I keep meaning to look into it again

Following with interest as I have a similar problem with my 17 year old. He sets his own alarm and it is extremely loud, it has been known to wake me in another room- he simply doesn't hear it or turns it off and straight back to sleep. I have to go into him at least three times. He walks to school and mostly I leave before him so goodness knows what time he gets in at.

Í open the room every morning and bring a cup of tea, open windows and let them to it. I do help with breastfast too. I mostly let them to get ready, sometimes they are late to school but I can’t bother with arguing or rushing them every morning.

I gave them magnesium glycinate, 100mg tablet each day with breastfast; omega 3 in the evenings and wellteen. I also check they go to bed at a reasonable time.

DC also wakes up around 6:45

Take the duvet away when you wake him. He can’t snooze with no duvet!

What time do devices go off, and what time does he do lights out?

Thank you for the helpful suggestions. To clarify, I get up at 6.30, shower then go and wake him. Light goes on, he grunts, I insist on him speaking a full sentence (normally something like 'leave me alone' ) then I'm up and down stairs sorting myself out and going in again, plus sorting 12 year old who thankfully is currently easier in the mornings. If he misses the bus it's a public bus an hour later which takes an hour, then a 20 minute walk. I am tempted to leave him to it one day so he has to make this journey and be late. He goes to bed at 9/9.15sh, no devices in his room but yes worth asking what time he actually goes to sleep. I think i need some kind of alarm that physically tips him out of bed!

How would you suggest 'getting them downstairs to have a drink' when he won't get out of bed?

I think you need to let him be late so he learns himself. He's 15, he is practically an adult. Harsh but it will work if he learns the consequences.

I was that teen. I tried going to bed earlier, having multiple alarm clocks, changing the alarm tones, having different times on the clocks to try to shock me in the morning, placing alarms where I’d need to get out of bed to turn them off. This was before mobiles. I don’t have an answer, I just found it really difficult. I’d be more productive in the day if I was given time to come to, rather than a sharp shock. It’s frustrating for you and frustrating for your teen.

There was a study done where the school start time was moved to 10am and concentration and results greatly improved. The secondary schools near me start much earlier than the primary schools and certainly earlier than when I was at school (DC has to leave an hour earlier than I did). I’ve never understood why secondary schools start so early, rather than playing to children’s best interests more.

I hope others are able to offer some tips.

what helped my teen:

sunrise alarm (very bright light which slowly gets light for half an hour before the alarm. Mimicks dawn)

melatonin for the evenings
phone/laptop on charge

(stops the going to sleep at 3am to get up at 6 cycle)

bedroom next to bathroom so she hears three people shower and get ready - helps convince her body it’s wake time

multiple alarms

I don't leave the bedroom until he's out of bed and headed downstairs. I have his agreement/permission to remove the duvet and/or do what it takes to get him out of bed and down the stairs.
We agreed this because he was getting annoyed at not having enough time to get ready in the morning because he was always falling back to sleep.
Most mornings I just have to give him a bit of a push and hand him his phone and he drags himself out of bed. The trick is to do it immediately so no risk of dozing off again....

I know this doesn't help the OP, but the problem isn't the teen, but biology and society.

The teen brain is wired to stay awake until late and to rise late.

Given these truths, schools start far too early. It's the equivalent of asking as adult to get up at 5 in the morning.

I'm sure others will be able to help with practical tips on making the teen get up in time for school.

Just to add, the consequences for being late wouldn’t have made a difference to me, as I didn’t want to be late anyway! It was something I found really difficult and made me feel shit that I couldn’t manage without help.