I’m being made a complete fool out off!

[Whatsgoingonnow65]

Is it me who is just out of times.

I have a 19 yr old DD, she has an 18yr old BF, both not as mature as their years.

Neither of them work. The BF is at my home all the time, lunches and dinners provided. They don’t help out at all with cooking or washing up. At the beginning I allowed him to stay over 1 night per week. It’s escalating and now asking nearly every night which I don’t allow but he does stay up to 3/4 nights. If I’m honest I end up feeling manipulated/bullied into allowing it as they start asking late on at night when he has no way of getting home. He lives in a different town.

Last night I spoke with them early evening and made sure he knew how/when he was leaving- all fine seemingly, then at 1130pm he could t get home.

I did lose the rag as I know they are taking the piss!!

I sound pathetic when I read it back. What would you do?

More or less anxiety than you’re feeling at the moment?!

Honestly-they are walking all over you.

I would use this recent incident where you told him he couldn’t stay and he did anyway to reset the whole situation. You feel let down and taken advantage of so the staying over and eating meals at your expense stops now-no more. If they want to meet up somewhere else, or his house that’s fine but your goodwill has dried up.

Why should you fund the pair of them doing fuck all?! Do you have a partner to support you or are they taking advantage of you being alone?

I’d sit her/them down today and say you’ve had enough and it stops now.

I really don’t think the OP is coming back to this thread …

@Whatsgoingonnow65 - if this thread is genuine, and you’re still reading - I’d urge you to read and share this article on apprenticeships with your daughter.

You simply can’t be doing nothing at 19 - studies have shown it has negative ramifications for the rest of your life in terms of earning power and mental health. Please, please encourage her to find training or education to help her move forward:

The UK’s 100 top apprenticeship employers 2026

https://www.thetimes.com/article/49253cab-9057-4f5b-9f69-af8c0366c9c0?shareToken=749fc864cae6712fb0d0e53de1324f91

They have abused your generosity so he's not allowed in your home going forward.

She needs to give you money for food and to do a bit of cooking and cleaning if she wont or doesnt want to thats fine but she needs to think about moving out.

They are taking advantage of your good nature and relying on making you feel bad for not feeding him and letting him stay. You need to let go of your attachment to how they will react to you. It’s fucking hard because you know they are going to imply you’re a bad person but you are not. They are eating your food and violating your privacy

Hi. I feel for you. Your initial kindness has led to you being completely taken advantage of. It's easily done - I know from my own experience.

What concerns me tho is that they are both enabling each other to do nothing. They are both bot in work or college and they are being allowed to get away with it.

Set your boundaries as you how often he can stay. When he's not there its important you talk to your daughter calmly about getting in education or employment. Reassure her you can help her with this. Make it clear tho that you are not going to allow the lazy BF to drag her down.

Good luck xx.

THIS is why we need to reduce the benefits bill....

I would be taking all food from the cupboards, totally emptying them, leaving only milk in the fridge and I would be bringing in only what I was eating.
Let them sit and watch!
Time to grow up. Change the wifi or remove the router when you leave for work.

Have a TOTAL melt down at them and reset from scorched ground. This is doing no one any good. They need to work. You need some mental space in your own home.

Yes, I'm sorry to say they're both making an absolute arse of you, particularly him. They both know if they wate till late on, he has to stay because they know you won't chuck him out on the street. At least charge him, ffs, if he's eating you out of house and home.