DS13 refusing to do anything on holiday

[savemefromteen]

DS is an only. We are in Devon for a much needed break and he’s ruining it. He refuses to come even for a quick dog walk on the beach. I managed to get him to agree to come somewhere with me tomorrow (visit to city) while DH and dog go elsewhere and he’s just said that after that he’s not leaving the house until we go home.

Keeps saying he wants to go home etc etc.

Am so fed up we have a lot going on and we really needed this break and I’m hating it because of this behaviour.

It’s fine to leave him while we do a quick dog walk but not all day ☹️

Any advice on where to go with this? I won’t be able to physically drag him out the house, he’s taller than me now!

There has to be a compromise somewhere. We have a long weekend just he and I in June and I was going to go to a relative’s caravan in Wales… I’ll invite a friend and organise some fun stuff for them to do and see how it goes.

He won’t do the stuff on his own so a friend will have to be the way to go. I won’t mind the friend but DH will struggle so I’ll have to work on it.

My DD13 is like this also, at home and elsewhere. We don’t go on holiday for this reason.
Following for advice.

We brought a friend on most holidays between age 12 - 17. If it’s any consolation he had a great time with a pal there and is quite happy to go on holidays with us now (age 20) although he still refuses to get up early for activities.

DSS was hard work at 13. We tend to do outside holidays ( wild swimming, beach, walking) as both DSSs are outdoorsy and full of energy, and we don't have the money to go abroad every year. At about 13 he just wanted to be on his phone and was very moody. We're away atm and now, at 15, he's been a delight. Played boardgames, played football on the beach, lit a fire, said thank you for the food we had out. I don't understand the negativity about UK beach holidays -- they can be idyllic. Just hang on, he may have well grow through it. But so much solidarity, it's pretty infuriating and disappointing when it's happening.

Maybe plan a holiday for him - my kids were never bored but we did things they wanted to do. Walking around I wouldnt think would be a 13 years old first choice. Find activities for him and tha you want to do.

Am I right in thinking that your DH is as much a problem in this as well

teens are tricky getting the balance - we are in Disneyland California at the moment and it has by far being the best (DD17 DS 13) 5 nights downtown for shopping basketball then theme park then beach

it’s hard with competing needs

@ThisSunnyBeeyep, my dd is 20yo now so I’ve survived the teen years. I just wouldn’t put up with ungrateful behaviour 🤷‍♀️

My son is a bit older now, but for the last few years he is still happy to do things outdoors on holiday with me (he's not an only child but I have a large age gap and my eldest has moved out). However, he likes things with a bit more adventure now - so hiking up mountains, maybe a challenging adventure course. He really likes cycling in new places, if it's scenic and off the beaten track, but to be honest I struggle to keep up with him and tend to ruin it a bit!

Yeah sounds like your DH is the more rigid one. The thing about having only one DC is you get a sort of false luxury of thinking holidays are about you, the adults. Then when they rebel you're all surprised. Most people with several children have made their peace with the idea that the holiday will only be 50% good for the adults.

This.
Actually was happy for once that my parents were "absent".

I was out of parents' trap at 20.
Maybe they don't want to suffer someone else's choices.

Some good points made here.

@savemefromteen sounds as tho your DH is a bit the issue too (I sympathise as finding something to suit all of us became increasingly challenging)

YY the activities you booked – did your DS have input and say he wanted to do them? What kinds of things?

A friend may be a good shout – I have three DC but for various reasons we went on a UK holiday with just DD (she was 19 I think) and a friend of hers came too which was pretty successful.

Another trip we did when mine were all teens (maybe 13-15-17) was five days in London and everyone got to pick something and everyone had to do it. So DS2 picked the tour of Wembley stadium – which I never would have thought of and was actually really good. Then everyone had to come swimming in the Olympic Park pool with me :)

Feeling like a terrible parent now. All the suggestions go going with friends or cousins… no cousins, no friends me and DH would holiday with, kids or not. DH likes his own company.

I’d go on my own with some of my friends and their kids maybe… will look into that.

I think most ppl are suggesting just your DS's friend? I certainly wouldn't want to go away with friends of mine, however well we got on, but DD's lovely mate from school whom we had known for years was fine.

We’ve done group tours with intrepid. They’re perfect as they’re action packed and tend to have similar age kids for company.

I don't think you sound like a terrible parent but the way you are quick to flagellate yourself suggests you do a lot of smoothing over to keep the peace. I was hinting that it is perhaps DH who is being a bit precious about holidays. Yes we all like our own company and doing exactly what we want personally on a holiday, but we have to accommodate one another.

I remember being 14 and point blank refusing to go visit Times Square all lit up on a family holiday to New york! My parents and sister just left me to it . I think it’s kinda normal especially if you are all on top of each other. Perhaps say x y z is optional but v isn’t so you are clearing n the expectations? No idea im not on the teenage stage yet as a parent!

Remove his phone and/or turn off the wifi. He's only 13, still a child. I have a 14 and nearly 13, and they still love doing things with their parents. There's plenty to do in Devon, even if its just tracking down a pool table or some arcades. Or even bribing him with his favourite restaurant.

I have seven kids and can confirm the holidays are less than 10% what me and husband want to do. 😂

You are going to have to choose between OH and son!!

Son needs a mate with him to enjoy himself - OH can't cope with that - so you will have to choose! - good luck!

Honestly the answer is not to have holidays or to let him take a friend.

At that age we took friends - it was ideal.

My friend had this with her daughter so she disconnected the WiFi and made out she’d rung the cottage owner who said it was bust 😂
that made her move 🤣

It's how some 13 year olds are, but not most. I speak as the mum of an only child male.

This is so interesting to me. Our DS had plenty of activities to do for the bulk of the summer hols but when it was a UK family holiday we only went near a theme park if it was a full on wet week. In spring/at Easter we always went on a walking holiday in the Lake or Peak District. Activity yes, but not organised by a theme park or package. Still wanting to join us for weekend walking when uni work permits.

Dont feel.bad op. This age is so hard.

My 13 yr old refused to do any of the walks or outings on our recent holiday...but did come out of room to play cards and a bit of football with younger cousins. But as the only tern yes he was bored and sulky at various points

I think they are just evolved by nature to want their peers not family at this age

We took a friend for my son in summer and it was a game changer...so good.

Think your husband just needs to get over it. Tbh you will find the teens keep very much out ot adults way if there are two of them.

I would leave your son at the holiday cottage and let him slob about Tbh he will get bored soon enough.