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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son’s friend thrown out, wwyd?

138 replies

MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:35

My son’s friend is just 18, and has rocked up at my house today in a complete state saying his mum has thrown him out - he has only the clothes he’s wearing. He was previously in care due to physical/emotional abuse by his mum but was returned home against his will just before he turned 18 so has no leaving care support. Apparently they had a big argument because he didn’t do the washing up when she asked him, and so she threw him out at 2am, and he was wandering the streets and went to his former carer’s house but he couldn’t stay there.

I’ve literally had to take him to the shops to buy him some clothes (he was filthy) and toiletries as he was too scared to go home with me to get his things. He’s now in my spare room. I don’t have any contact details for his mum and I only know which road he lives in, not which house. He has no money. He goes to college and doesn’t have a job.

What on earth do I do here?!

OP posts:
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6
UnhappyHobbit · 28/12/2025 20:37

Oh op. That sounds awful for him, well done on taking him in while you work out what to do.

blankcanvas3 · 28/12/2025 20:37

Does he have any other family other than his mum? Is he willing to give you his address so you can talk to her? I’d probably be taking him in but appreciate that might not be the best thing for you!

Reversetail · 28/12/2025 20:37

Does he have a social worker or support worker/ current or previous you could contact together?

WhoFedTheFish · 28/12/2025 20:38

You contact social services at your local council. In the meantime you’re doing the right thing by letting him stay with you imo

Iamnotalemming · 28/12/2025 20:38

Social services.
You are doing a good thing.

MySweetGeorgina · 28/12/2025 20:39

Oh you did a really good thing

does he have a social worker he can contact tomorrow?

Followthesunshine · 28/12/2025 20:40

I'd be careful. There may be more to his behaviour so set very clear house rules and if you get any inkling that these aren't being followed you tell him to leave.

TheCurious0range · 28/12/2025 20:42

Social services are a nightmare for this, returning a child to the family home just before they hit the threshold for needing LAC support. He's 18 now so I doubt they'll do anything. He needs to present at the local council as homeless, he shouldn't tell them he is staying with you or if he does that you are very overcrowded can't keep him and there's no bed for him.

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

MyChristmasCheerHasBuggeredOff · 28/12/2025 20:42

Not sure social services would be interested sadly. His 18. It will be a homeless shelter, charities or the council you need to contact

MyChristmasCheerHasBuggeredOff · 28/12/2025 20:43

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

Did you see the bit where the op said he was negleted and in care previously?

Billybagpuss · 28/12/2025 20:44

In that situation I did take the young lad in. No regrets whatsoever.

unfortunately the provision and options for young adults in that situation is shockingly bad and trying to access any help really difficult. They are too old for child services. We were able to access some support through school as he was in y13 and he was able to get a full student loan for uni. Charities like centerpoint are worth looking into but they have limited locations around the counties.

in the short term I’d probably make him comfortable until the new year then contact council and college for advice if you are not able/willing to offer longer term.

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:44

He doesn’t have a social worker now he’s 18, he wouldn’t come under children’s social services now. I might ring them for advice tomorrow though, that’s a good idea. They may suggest he presents himself as homeless perhaps? I have no idea how that works.
While I absolutely would never see him out on the streets, I don’t think this would be a good long term arrangement for any of us. And of course I only have his version of events, but as a parent to two teenagers myself I’d not throw my kids out in the middle of the night in December and would be mortified if they were then too scared to come back for their clothes!

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 28/12/2025 20:44

Followthesunshine · 28/12/2025 20:40

I'd be careful. There may be more to his behaviour so set very clear house rules and if you get any inkling that these aren't being followed you tell him to leave.

This. How come he showed up in such a “filthy” state?

Billybagpuss · 28/12/2025 20:45

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

Sadly yes they do, for the most bizarre of reasons and over Christmas, late night drinking, very plausible.

HelenaWilson · 28/12/2025 20:46

He goes to college and doesn’t have a job.

if not SS, speak to his college as soon as you can. See if there's someone in the office tomorrow (Monday). Say it's a safeguarding issue. It probably won't be the first time they have had to deal with a family breakdown.

CornishTiger · 28/12/2025 20:46

What exactly was his care status and how long for? Does he have a personal advisor?

falalalalaaaah · 28/12/2025 20:46

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

No normal loving parent, doesn’t sound like he has one of those.

Egglio · 28/12/2025 20:47

MyChristmasCheerHasBuggeredOff · 28/12/2025 20:43

Did you see the bit where the op said he was negleted and in care previously?

Show quote history

You're only right in so far as no one who does this deserves to be called a parent. @Kibble19

I'm happy for those that haven't lived lives where this kind of abuse is even conceivable.

OP, well done for at least helping him.

Hepzibar · 28/12/2025 20:47

He will have Social Care Support - he will have a PA until he’s 25. Contact Children's Social Care - Care Leaving team tomorrow. Email the college’s Safeguarding Team, it will be on their website. Although college will be closed, they will have safeguarding arrangements.
don’t contact his mother - there was a good reason he was removed in the first place

PInkyStarfish · 28/12/2025 20:47

You w only heard his side of the story.

UnhappyHobbit · 28/12/2025 20:47

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

I’m glad that’s the case in your world. Poor kid has been abused previously and didn’t want to go home due to said abuse. His mother isnt going to need a sane reason is she?

He’s a vulnerable young adult that needs help.

ThatFairy · 28/12/2025 20:48

It's all just a bit dramatic his mum is probably expecting him back

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:49

No personal advisor, he said his mum refused all care leavers services on his behalf - I didn’t think parents could do that.

I do believe she flew off the handle - possibly provoked for whatever reason. She has beaten him before. He said she had been drinking.

i guess he was filthy as he’d been wearing the same clothes for almost 2 days and had been wandering the streets all night? I don’t think anything more sinister.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 28/12/2025 20:50

Depending on his care status he may automatically be classed as priority need but I bet they never did section 20 on him. This is relevant to a homelessness application.

When he lived away from home before where did he live? Who provided him money? Ages etc.

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