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Teenagers

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Original poster

Son’s friend thrown out, wwyd?

138 replies

MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:35

My son’s friend is just 18, and has rocked up at my house today in a complete state saying his mum has thrown him out - he has only the clothes he’s wearing. He was previously in care due to physical/emotional abuse by his mum but was returned home against his will just before he turned 18 so has no leaving care support. Apparently they had a big argument because he didn’t do the washing up when she asked him, and so she threw him out at 2am, and he was wandering the streets and went to his former carer’s house but he couldn’t stay there.

I’ve literally had to take him to the shops to buy him some clothes (he was filthy) and toiletries as he was too scared to go home with me to get his things. He’s now in my spare room. I don’t have any contact details for his mum and I only know which road he lives in, not which house. He has no money. He goes to college and doesn’t have a job.

What on earth do I do here?!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
BreakingBroken · 28/12/2025 23:20

you're question is what do you do?
you notify who ever you think needs to be notified.
you help the best you can for as long as you can.
i've done it, so has my mom and my son. a 3 pack of t-shirts, a 3 pack of underwear and socks, some basic toiletries and a bag/box to keep it all in.
you sit down with him once he's showered and fed discuss the house rules and discuss the plan going forward (school work etc.)
hopefully you are able to keep him safe till he finds his feet.

PurpleLovecats · 28/12/2025 23:25

I used to work in leaving care services. How long was he in care? He may be entitled to support.

www.gov.uk/leaving-foster-or-local-authority-care

Hallywally · 28/12/2025 23:58

Poor kid, so sad to hear stories like that. You’re a good person, OP.

Billybagpuss · 29/12/2025 05:56

How is he this morning @MrsJPBP the lad I took in was like a rabbit in the headlights for a long time.

caringcarer · 29/12/2025 06:37

OP it would be kind of you could put him up until NY. Beginning of January he applies for Universal credit and he can claim housing benefit. As a former child in care he will get 1 bedroom flat rate not 1 bedroom in shared house rate. This will be at least £500 pcm for housing him. If you are anywhere near London he'll get much more. He will also get single person under 25 rate attending college. In addition he can get a bursary from college based on attendance if his course is not above A levels (level 3). I know this to be the case because I'm a foster carer for DC teens and when they turn 18 that is what they have to do. If you were in agreement he could pay you his accommodation money for his room and use of utilities and buy his own food from his UC or come to agreement with you to pay you for his food, if you have a spare room and could accommodate him until he finishes his A levels/BTEC course at college. If you don't feel able to help him with accommodation he should still put in claim for UC immediately and present at council and inform them he's homeless. He'd need a letter from his Mum saying she had thrown him out. In the longer term he can apply to uni and get his UCAS payment waived as previously in care. The LA will have to give him £2k towards uni costs each year as he has history of being in care. Please help him as much as you can if you have a spare room set out ground rules to him and give him a chance. As a foster carer I look after 2 teens with learning disabilities and who have both had really dreadful parents and been neglected and abused. Given the chance they are both lovely boys and learning how to live within a family setting and learning what is appropriate behaviour. They are both grateful to have a home and helpful around the home. One wrapped most of my Xmas gifts up for me.

caringcarer · 29/12/2025 06:47

@MrsJPBPyou can PM me for more information. The 2 teens I care for one 17 and one 19 both attended special schools and had EHCP's. First I fostered them. As one DC turned 18 he moved on to the Shared Lives scheme for over 18's who still need a bit of support. You would also get an allowance paid to you for offering support once you did an assessment. Contact me (PM) for more information.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 29/12/2025 06:54

Bless him. Poor lad. How frightening for him. Thank goodness for you. So many kids are just left to gind theor way without sny guidance or support. How the hell can he learn at college when he isn’t having his basic needs met. Tragic. Good luck with social services/Shelter. Hope you get a plan in place.x

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 29/12/2025 17:08

Just a quick update, I managed to speak to the leaving care team at the LA. They say he is a “qualifying” care leaver not eligible/former relevant because although he was in care for over a year between 15-17, he was returned home to mum 6 months + one week before he turned 18! So not much in the way of support beyond a bit of advice. The PA on duty told me the best thing to do was to present him as homeless at the council. In fact, our LA is covered by Housing Jigsaw so I’ve done an online referral today and will be notifying his college/our SEND team asap. He can stay here for a little while but it won’t work staying here long-term as although my son is his friend and wants to help, he’s autistic and is really struggling with someone in his space already. We also have a house full of family due to it being Christmas, but it is what it is. I will be back onto the housing team tomorrow.

OP posts:
Daytimetellyqueen · 29/12/2025 17:43

You’re a good person for stepping up Op - hope you & he are able to get the support going forward.

CornishTiger · 29/12/2025 18:39

@MrsJPBP that LA knew exactly what they were doing to return him to his mother 6 months and 1 week prior to 18th birthday. Stripping him of his relevant child and former relevant child protections and suppose. And yet here we are just 18 and mother has kicked him out. I’d be interested to know which LA this is. Things do not suddenly get better for YPs age 17.5 years young. It’s about gatekeeping services amd makes me so mad. That boy could have had uni support from LA including summer accommodation.

Fortunately even as a qualifying child he has automatic priority need.

22.22 Categories and definitions of people who have priority need are set out in Chapter 8, and include young people under 21 who were looked after between the ages of 16 and 18; and people aged 21 or more who are vulnerable as a result of having been looked after, accommodated or fostered. Both of these categories exclude ‘relevant students’, who are owed particular accommodation and support duties under the Children (Leaving Care) Act. It should be noted that a young person who was looked after when aged 16 or 17 will be in priority need when they are 18, 19 or 20 years old, whether or not they qualify for care leaving services from a children’s services authority.

www.gov.uk/guidance/homelessness-code-of-guidance-for-local-authorities/chapter-22-care-leavers

Homelessness code of guidance for local authorities - Chapter 8: Priority need - Guidance - GOV.UK

Guidance on the categories of applicant who have a priority need for accommodation if they become homeless.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/homelessness-code-of-guidance-for-local-authorities/chapter-8-priority-need

CornishTiger · 29/12/2025 18:41

Actually just realised qualifying children do get uni holiday accommodation. But look at what he’s missed out on.

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/services-for-children-leaving-care/#elementor-toc__heading-anchor-2

I bet his wasn’t properly consulted at all. Just told ahd not explained what he would lose…..

CornishTiger · 29/12/2025 18:45

Please help him do an online claim for UC.

If anyone is able to help him challenge social care about decision to return him home I’d speak to coram for advice.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 29/12/2025 18:51

Get him to give you his mum's number and call her. Also, ring his college on first day they open and get to.speak with somebody in safeguarding. You will end up having him full time if you are not careful.

CornishTiger · 29/12/2025 18:54

@ByQuaintAzureWasp she won’t end up having him full time at all and ringing his mother could affect his safety. She has been known to be abusive and neglectful of him. He had an ECHP. He’s clearly a vulnerable young man who needs support and guidance. Doesn’t sound much like his mum can do that.

@MrsJPBP adult social care referral needed. College can help.

SconehengeRevenge · 29/12/2025 19:09

@MrsJPBP would it be ok to pm you?

JohnofWessex · 29/12/2025 19:16

I might also talk to your Councillor who may be decidedly under impressed by Social Services.

It may also be worth making a complaint on his behalf about the fact that he was removed from care just at the point where that would mean he isnt entitled to post 18 support

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 29/12/2025 19:22

And he was returned against his will, he tells me he begged them not to send him back to his mum.

yes please do PM me, I will also follow up with local MP if no joy with housing or social care.

OP posts:
Daytimetellyqueen · 29/12/2025 19:24

MrsJPBP · 29/12/2025 19:22

And he was returned against his will, he tells me he begged them not to send him back to his mum.

yes please do PM me, I will also follow up with local MP if no joy with housing or social care.

That is shocking. Poor kid. So glad you’re in his corner & doing what you can.

CornishTiger · 29/12/2025 19:26

MrsJPBP · 29/12/2025 19:22

And he was returned against his will, he tells me he begged them not to send him back to his mum.

yes please do PM me, I will also follow up with local MP if no joy with housing or social care.

In that case speak to Coram regardless of whether he gets homelessness assistance.

He should have been offered an advocate as part of any decisions to ensure his views were heard and the fact he was returned against his will shows complete disregard for his needs. I’d be interested to see what the last child in care review said. If the IRO/childrens right advocate were acting in his best interests.

Honestly it’s gate keeping of services and provisions because of budgets and it’s vulnerable young people who suffer.

Clasaassa · 29/12/2025 19:26

Oh gosh poor boy. I’m so sad for him. Well done for keeping him safe while the council find him a more permanent home.

peirdolona · 29/12/2025 19:28

Get help from social work and go to the council homeless service. Support as much as you can but ultimately he will have to help himself.

Yogabearmous · 29/12/2025 19:28

He can return to care leaver services whenever he wants, they will reopen his case. He can get support until he is 25 from a personal advisor and they will help him secure housing.

Meadowfinch · 29/12/2025 19:31

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

@Kibble19 Yes, they do. It's not even unusual. My f waited until my dsis was 18 and then dumped her stuff in the garden and bolted the door.

Just because it doesn't happen in your world, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Yogabearmous · 29/12/2025 19:32

MrsJPBP · 29/12/2025 19:22

And he was returned against his will, he tells me he begged them not to send him back to his mum.

yes please do PM me, I will also follow up with local MP if no joy with housing or social care.

He may have said this to you but it’s unlikely. He would have had a social worker and an independent reviewing officer looking at his case and he would not have been made to return. It’s more likely he wanted to go home and now regrets his decision. This is understandable as lots of young people want to go home despite the obvious issues that remain.