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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son’s friend thrown out, wwyd?

138 replies

MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:35

My son’s friend is just 18, and has rocked up at my house today in a complete state saying his mum has thrown him out - he has only the clothes he’s wearing. He was previously in care due to physical/emotional abuse by his mum but was returned home against his will just before he turned 18 so has no leaving care support. Apparently they had a big argument because he didn’t do the washing up when she asked him, and so she threw him out at 2am, and he was wandering the streets and went to his former carer’s house but he couldn’t stay there.

I’ve literally had to take him to the shops to buy him some clothes (he was filthy) and toiletries as he was too scared to go home with me to get his things. He’s now in my spare room. I don’t have any contact details for his mum and I only know which road he lives in, not which house. He has no money. He goes to college and doesn’t have a job.

What on earth do I do here?!

OP posts:
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CornishTiger · 29/12/2025 19:32

Yogabearmous · 29/12/2025 19:28

He can return to care leaver services whenever he wants, they will reopen his case. He can get support until he is 25 from a personal advisor and they will help him secure housing.

Unfortunately he’s only classed as a qualifying child so legal minimum is very minimum. Advice and assistance is so vague.

They could fund him money for clothing etc but they won’t in most cases. They could help him with UC claim but I bet it won’t be as they would assist a former relevant.

Cakeandcardio · 29/12/2025 20:08

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

Well my dad threatened to stab me over less so I absolutely believe some parents are just terrible.
OP he can present as homeless at the local council. He could get emergency accommodation etc. It will be hard for him I am sure. You have done a very kind thing.

Livpool · 29/12/2025 20:39

Poor lad! Po saying there are 2 sides - he has been in care so obviously didn’t have good parent(s). Well done for helping him OP

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 29/12/2025 20:52

Have emailed safeguarding team at college but they won’t pick that up until next week.
He clearly meets threshold for priority need re:emergency accommodation so hopefully someone will call him tomorrow. 🤞

OP posts:
Bobbedhairdontcare · 29/12/2025 20:59

I work for a college we are not back until 5th Jan so I should imagine most colleges will reopen on that date. When it reopens he will be able to see the Pastoral or Safeguarding team on site if he is still in the same position.

Rituelec · 29/12/2025 21:06

As someone who this happened too many years ago I thank you for talking him in to help xx

Silverbirchleaf · 29/12/2025 21:08

Just wanted to say well done in supporting him, and helping him going forward.

missy111 · 29/12/2025 21:17

Try the local council MASH (multi agency safeguarding hub) team. They may be able to point you in the direction of some help for a vulnerable young person

niclw · 29/12/2025 21:17

MrsJPBP · 29/12/2025 20:52

Have emailed safeguarding team at college but they won’t pick that up until next week.
He clearly meets threshold for priority need re:emergency accommodation so hopefully someone will call him tomorrow. 🤞

The safeguarding team at his college are likely still checking any emails etc. during the holidays. If you check their website you may find other details about how to contact them. The school where I work has a text service for students to use so that someone is available if an emergency situation arises on weekends or during school holidays.

ThisCyanPoet · 29/12/2025 21:34

Can you help him to complain to the LA? I would get him to request copies of all information held on him and complain that they put him back with his mum when they shouldn’t have. Push back that they acted negligently in releasing him into the care of someone who was abusing him. Find anyt process that they failed to follow and throw it at them. The threat of legal action may make them support him as they would have done if he’d still been in care.

Do not tell them that he has a bed at your house (he’s sleeping on sofa/your sons bedroom floor). and get him to confirm that you can access his information/represent him, If he does it himself, they’ll view him as capable of looking after himself. You need to make his case for him to demonstrate his vulnerability, inability to have understood what they were deciding and their lack of care and consideration for it.

How long had he been back at home? His mum was abusing him so they had no right to take her instruction of ending support. I bet they made it really easy for her to do.

I have no experience of this type of issue BTW, but this is where I’d start.

Alternatively, is he on tenancy at his mums house? If so, (and the LA dance out of any responsibility), can he apply for an occupation order through the family court? He would have evidence of her abusing him and removing his social care support, leaving him no option but to return to her complete care.

Billybagpuss · 30/12/2025 07:47

MrsJPBP · 29/12/2025 20:52

Have emailed safeguarding team at college but they won’t pick that up until next week.
He clearly meets threshold for priority need re:emergency accommodation so hopefully someone will call him tomorrow. 🤞

I did that too and put urgent safeguarding of name in the title and had an email back the same day. The school could have been better to be honest but as he had stability with us it wasn’t a huge issue, one of the teachers also said his grades were higher as a result of being with us.

HipHopDontYouStop · 30/12/2025 10:30

Followthesunshine · 28/12/2025 20:40

I'd be careful. There may be more to his behaviour so set very clear house rules and if you get any inkling that these aren't being followed you tell him to leave.

This. I would have very strict house rules.

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 30/12/2025 21:05

This is rapidly becoming a bit of a nightmare… I feel terrible. My son has had a meltdown as he’s got someone in his face/space constantly and isn’t coping (he’s autistic). It’s not a spare room as such, as it’s contains my son‘s bathroom and as my room is small, all of my clothes, so I can’t get in to get them only when he’s awake.l and he sleeps til lunchtime. We are all autistic and all struggling being out of routine and having a stranger in our space even though it’s only been 3 nights.

I took him to his mum’s to get his things today as she was out. She’s sent him one message to say she’s cutting his phone off and has spent his PIP on the rent so he can’t have it. He’s then said he has no money as his mum takes his PIP so could I start giving him pocket money. Also he has a NYE party to go to tomorrow night so could I give him a lift there and pick him up at 2am… The housing people unfortunately phoned while I was out, and so I didn’t witness the conversation but apparently they will assess him but it will take “weeks”. That can’t be right, surely?

It isn’t going to work, as good as my intentions were. Is the only option taking him to the council offices tomorrow with his things and presenting in person as homeless? I feel like a massive shit.

OP posts:
BruFord · 30/12/2025 21:18

You’re not a massive shit @MrsJPBP, his so-called mother is the shit in this situation, what an appalling person. Make sure that he saves that text to show that his mother is using his PIP money for her own benefit, not his. She’s no longer housing him so he shouldn’t be contributing to the rent anymore.

I can’t advise you on taking him to the council tomorrow, hopefully someone else can. But know that you’re a wonderful person who’s doing the best they can. 💐

Fiftyandme · 30/12/2025 21:20

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

Clearly you’ve no idea just how utterly utterly shit some parents are

SmoothCollie · 30/12/2025 21:25

Unfortunately yes the social housing landscape is that bad, undue delay on decision making, telling people they don't meet PN for temp accommodation before due investigations are done, wildly unsuitable temporary accommodation offered are all major problems across many areas atm, it really does sound right sorry to say. Can you say where you are and people can suggest specific agencies? I used to work in children's/disability law and I think there's a challenge to be made on this young man's capacity on declining services and a local law centre might be a good starting point. I'm sorry that it's such a struggle for you, I hope you all get the help needed.

SauronsArsehole · 30/12/2025 21:27

Get onto PIP and get it highlighted there’s fraud. Call them. It’s benefit fraud. You need the teens national insurance number etc. they can help redirect his PIP to him.

get him to the post office if possible to open his own new account for PIP. He’ll need his birth certificate.

if he doesn’t have this call 101 for advice about getting his identity Info from home. He’ll need as much as he can for homeless support.

one this is done he can claim UC by himself to help rent somewhere eg a house share etc

UC, PIP etc will unlock support within the DWP

Wisperley · 30/12/2025 21:29

Take him to the council offices tomorrow to present as homeless. Also you could try contacting the local churches - in my area they are often the people who step up first in these situations.

Contact charities - Centrepoint and Shelter also.

In the long run, taking him to the Council offices is the best thing for him. The longer he stays at yours, the easier it is for no-one else to do anything, and what he needs is a long-term solution, which the council/social services can provide. Explain this to him.

Good luck OP. You have done the right thing.

blankcanvas3 · 30/12/2025 21:35

MrsJPBP · 30/12/2025 21:05

This is rapidly becoming a bit of a nightmare… I feel terrible. My son has had a meltdown as he’s got someone in his face/space constantly and isn’t coping (he’s autistic). It’s not a spare room as such, as it’s contains my son‘s bathroom and as my room is small, all of my clothes, so I can’t get in to get them only when he’s awake.l and he sleeps til lunchtime. We are all autistic and all struggling being out of routine and having a stranger in our space even though it’s only been 3 nights.

I took him to his mum’s to get his things today as she was out. She’s sent him one message to say she’s cutting his phone off and has spent his PIP on the rent so he can’t have it. He’s then said he has no money as his mum takes his PIP so could I start giving him pocket money. Also he has a NYE party to go to tomorrow night so could I give him a lift there and pick him up at 2am… The housing people unfortunately phoned while I was out, and so I didn’t witness the conversation but apparently they will assess him but it will take “weeks”. That can’t be right, surely?

It isn’t going to work, as good as my intentions were. Is the only option taking him to the council offices tomorrow with his things and presenting in person as homeless? I feel like a massive shit.

Oh shit, this isn’t good. You’re going to have to take him to the council tomorrow, I’m sorry. Tonight, can you help him get his PIP transferred over to his bank account? Also if his mum is going to cut off his phone he’s going to maybe need a PAYG SIM. You’re not a massive shit, your son is your priority.

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 30/12/2025 21:37

So his PIP is paid to his bank account in his name, but she has access and takes it apparently. So he needs a new bank account I think.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 30/12/2025 21:41

Could you say roughly where you are?

I agree with taking him into council offices tomorrow. He’s homeless tonight. Not two weeks.

blankcanvas3 · 30/12/2025 21:47

MrsJPBP · 30/12/2025 21:37

So his PIP is paid to his bank account in his name, but she has access and takes it apparently. So he needs a new bank account I think.

You should be able to set up something as quickly as tonight with Revolut. Does he have his ID on him?

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 30/12/2025 21:49

We’re in Reading

OP posts: