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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Son’s friend thrown out, wwyd?

138 replies

MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:35

My son’s friend is just 18, and has rocked up at my house today in a complete state saying his mum has thrown him out - he has only the clothes he’s wearing. He was previously in care due to physical/emotional abuse by his mum but was returned home against his will just before he turned 18 so has no leaving care support. Apparently they had a big argument because he didn’t do the washing up when she asked him, and so she threw him out at 2am, and he was wandering the streets and went to his former carer’s house but he couldn’t stay there.

I’ve literally had to take him to the shops to buy him some clothes (he was filthy) and toiletries as he was too scared to go home with me to get his things. He’s now in my spare room. I don’t have any contact details for his mum and I only know which road he lives in, not which house. He has no money. He goes to college and doesn’t have a job.

What on earth do I do here?!

OP posts:
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Blizzardofleaves · 30/12/2025 21:53

I wouldn't even hesitate to take him in. You know his history, you can see how he is presenting. Please offer all support, and get him down to the GP for some proper therapy, whilst contacting adult social services for advice. We offer a very well funded under 25s programme here, to house and supervise young adults in this position. I think most areas offer this op. Look after him over the festive period, and then help him to establish himself independently in the new year. There are some brilliant council funded intiatives. Poor boy, he is barely an adult and is likely to be traumatised.

Wisperley · 30/12/2025 22:11

How does the mum have access to his bank account? That's the first thing to sort out. If she's got his bank card, then can he log in online and cancel the card? If she's doing it by logging in herself, then he needs to change his password. If not, is it a bank that has an actual branch? If so, maybe he could go there tomorrow to stop her access before you head to the council.

This organisation could also be really helpful for him in Reading.

CIRDIC - Churches in Reading Drop-In Centre - Homeless England

Homeless England is the most comprehensive database of Homelessness services. You can search by location or type of service to find services in your area.

https://homeless.org.uk/homeless-england/service/cirdic-churches-in-reading-drop-in-centre/

ISeeYouHere · 30/12/2025 22:17

Even though he’s 18, he’s technically a care leaver so social services and housing will help. Make sure you make that clear when you contact them.

GAJLY · 30/12/2025 22:29

Take him to his bank in a few days to explain that he doesn’t want his mum to keep accessing his money. If he presents himself as homeless then he’ll be put into temporary accommodation usually a hotel room. But he’ll be a priority on the council housing register. He also needs to start applying for universal credit.

SauronsArsehole · 30/12/2025 22:38

MrsJPBP · 30/12/2025 21:37

So his PIP is paid to his bank account in his name, but she has access and takes it apparently. So he needs a new bank account I think.

Go with him to the bank to mark it as compromised and fraudulent activity. Report to police too imo.

yes new account needed.

Chell2281 · 30/12/2025 22:52

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

Parents can do strange things, my dad attacked me and threw me out over me eating a biscuit

caringcarer · 30/12/2025 23:05

MrsJPBP · 30/12/2025 21:37

So his PIP is paid to his bank account in his name, but she has access and takes it apparently. So he needs a new bank account I think.

Definitely get him a new bank account with pass word she won't know. Contact PIP and tell them to put his money into his new account. I might be tempted to inform SS as he's a vulnerable young adult and she stealing from him.

CornishTiger · 31/12/2025 08:23

Access to legal advice here if they do not accommodate him. I think he should be in touch with them anyway as he needs to challenge that care leavers decision.

https://launchpadreading.org.uk/preventing-homelessness-and-rebuilding-lives/preventing-homelessness/

The sooner he is placed in interim accommodation the sooner your son can get back to being his friend and you can be supportive that way. I feel the relationship will be broken otherwise.

Present him as homeless tonight at the council this morning. They probably asked do you have somewhere to say tonight and he said yes and didn’t prioritise him.

Preventing Homelessness

Launchpad is focused on preventing homelessness in Reading in a number of ways - to stop housing problems becoming a crisis.

https://launchpadreading.org.uk/preventing-homelessness-and-rebuilding-lives/preventing-homelessness

whowhatwerewhy · 31/12/2025 08:54

Firstly well done in stepping in and helping him .
I would contact his bank and explain the unauthorised withdrawal, they should be able to change his account number , PIN number ect to stop his mom getting at his money going forward.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 31/12/2025 09:11

JohnofWessex · 29/12/2025 19:16

I might also talk to your Councillor who may be decidedly under impressed by Social Services.

It may also be worth making a complaint on his behalf about the fact that he was removed from care just at the point where that would mean he isnt entitled to post 18 support

That’s mightily convenient for the LA, isn’t it??

That they can simply wash their hands of him, and state ‘hey, we tried. But he’s 18 now, so, y’know - off you pop MRSJPBP’.

Billybagpuss · 31/12/2025 09:44

I’m so sorry this isn’t working how you hoped. You have to put your DS first. Make this clear when you take him to the council to present has homeless. You are not the shit his mother is, what you have done is above what most people would as evidenced by some answers on this thread. You can still help him, you can help with the bank account, you can invite him for meals when your DS has calmed down and as a pp said your DS can get back to being his friend. If this situation is forcing them together for too much longer it will cause further problems.

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 31/12/2025 10:25

Thanks all, I’m literally sat in the council offices with him waiting for the housing officer. His mum keeps calling him and has apologised but I’m going to refer to adult social services while I’m here as well. He doesn’t want to go home understandably but if his mum tells housing he can come back I’m sure they’ll make him go.

OP posts:
Billybagpuss · 31/12/2025 10:50

Oh blimey good luck, there are plenty of wise mn who I’m sure can advise better than me, if he declares homelessness due to abuse would they still send him back?

GAJLY · 31/12/2025 11:19

MrsJPBP · 31/12/2025 10:25

Thanks all, I’m literally sat in the council offices with him waiting for the housing officer. His mum keeps calling him and has apologised but I’m going to refer to adult social services while I’m here as well. He doesn’t want to go home understandably but if his mum tells housing he can come back I’m sure they’ll make him go.

You need to explain that he was barely released into her care before being kicked out. Also she is financially abusing him.

GAJLY · 31/12/2025 11:19

Let us know what happens. Hoping he gets the help he needs.

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 31/12/2025 11:25

I have absolutely said all that and it looks like they are going to house him today 🤞 I’ve completed an adult social care referral form but also the housing officer is going to refer him too.

His mum has left him with no money either so I’ve transferred him £200 to cover him until his next PIP. I’ve helped him change his passwords on everything as she is accessing his emails as well. He’s very nervous as his mum wants to meet him for coffee this afternoon and he is worried housing will force him to go back with her.

OP posts:
whowhatwerewhy · 31/12/2025 12:03

Well done op for helping him .
Hopefully he will be housed today 🤞. Glad you have changed all of his passwords this should stop his mom accessing any information or money.
Tell him not to meet with his mom she will only try to manipulate him .

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 31/12/2025 12:10

Have you got a local neighbourhood fb group? Might be able to source new home essentials for free or very cheap.

Billybagpuss · 31/12/2025 12:27

My goodness you’ve been amazing for him fingers crossed for this pm

Silverbirchleaf · 31/12/2025 13:33

You’ve been amazing.

Slightly cheeky of him to want go to a NYE party and expecting you to take him with everything going on.

landslide51 · 31/12/2025 13:47

Well done OP, what a kind person you are. I hope he manages to get himself set up and his mum leaves him alone. It's not surprising so many people struggle when they've grown up with shitty parents like that.

BruFord · 31/12/2025 15:44

Hmm, funny how his Mum is reaching out now that she no longer has access to his bank account. She’s running scared because she knows that she’s going to be in trouble for taking his PIP after chucking him out.

I hope that he manages to stay strong and stay away from her. Your amazing support is showing him how a parent should behave. 💐

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 31/12/2025 17:15

Just got home - delivered him to his new emergency accommodation! Due to his age and vulnerabilities they’ve given him a nice, secure studio flat so he doesn’t have to share facilities and he has his own bathroom and kitchenette. It was very modern and clean and furnished, I was pleased. Completely bare and empty though, so we have managed to drum up some pots, pans, utensils, crockery/cutlery, duvet/pillows/sheets, some basic cleaning stuff, a warm coat (he didn’t have one!!) and a quick basic food shop. It’s in a great location. He is very happy not to be forced back to mum, he was beside himself that he was somewhere safe and all his own.

I have done his housing benefit forms and housing register application. Council seem to have stepped up which is good news. I have warned him that it’s lovely to rebuild a relationship with his mum but he doesn’t have to tell her where he is and that he definitely needs to not give her any money. Adult social care have responded to my referral saying they will link up with housing and the leaving care team to do an assessment as they were also concerned about financial abuse. I think it’s lucky actually that he’s a care leaver as I can imagine any other young person who wasn’t wouldn’t have had the same response.

so although I felt like a total shit this morning, I feel really good he’s ended the day so happy. Thank you for the hand holding and advice! I am still concerned about how this will play out and his mum manipulating him but I think I have done all I reasonably can at this point.

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