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Teenagers

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Original poster

Son’s friend thrown out, wwyd?

138 replies

MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:35

My son’s friend is just 18, and has rocked up at my house today in a complete state saying his mum has thrown him out - he has only the clothes he’s wearing. He was previously in care due to physical/emotional abuse by his mum but was returned home against his will just before he turned 18 so has no leaving care support. Apparently they had a big argument because he didn’t do the washing up when she asked him, and so she threw him out at 2am, and he was wandering the streets and went to his former carer’s house but he couldn’t stay there.

I’ve literally had to take him to the shops to buy him some clothes (he was filthy) and toiletries as he was too scared to go home with me to get his things. He’s now in my spare room. I don’t have any contact details for his mum and I only know which road he lives in, not which house. He has no money. He goes to college and doesn’t have a job.

What on earth do I do here?!

OP posts:
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6
EchoedSilence · 28/12/2025 20:50

ThatFairy · 28/12/2025 20:48

It's all just a bit dramatic his mum is probably expecting him back

Children don't get taken into care for being a bit dramatic.

HelenaWilson · 28/12/2025 20:50

You w only heard his side of the story.

However many sides to the story there are, op and the young man need support.

ThatFairy · 28/12/2025 20:51

EchoedSilence · 28/12/2025 20:50

Children don't get taken into care for being a bit dramatic.

Show quote history

I'm not talking about that I'm talking about the argument

EchoedSilence · 28/12/2025 20:52

ThatFairy · 28/12/2025 20:51

I'm not talking about that I'm talking about the argument

Show quote history

There is a history of abuse. I'd believe the teenager wasn't just being a bit dramatic.

CornishTiger · 28/12/2025 20:53

@MrsJPBP those with PR are often consulted but don’t have the final say.

Childrens commissioner is quite clear 16/17 who are living away from home should be offered the protection of section 20 unless there are compelling reasons otherwise. Which most councils deter YP from doing due to the costs to council but it offers them do much more protection including housing support and automatic priority need for homelessness.

Original poster
MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:53

CornishTiger · 28/12/2025 20:50

Depending on his care status he may automatically be classed as priority need but I bet they never did section 20 on him. This is relevant to a homelessness application.

When he lived away from home before where did he live? Who provided him money? Ages etc.

He was living with a foster carer, he has always been in education - he has an EHCP and attended a special school. Not sure about money, I assume an allowance through his carers/social care.

OP posts:
blankcanvas3 · 28/12/2025 20:55

MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:53

He was living with a foster carer, he has always been in education - he has an EHCP and attended a special school. Not sure about money, I assume an allowance through his carers/social care.

Show quote history

You could possibly look into PIP if he had an EHCP

CornishTiger · 28/12/2025 20:55

I’m going to PM you.

Pumpkindoodles · 28/12/2025 20:58

I’m honestly shocked at some of the responses here and can only assume poor reading comprehension. Op knows the person has been beaten before and as a child was removed from the mothers care by social services. So at the very least it seems like you would lean on the side of believing him that she isn’t stable and this isn’t entirely out of character for her and this person has had a difficult time of it either way.

I’d contact social services for advice, there might be a service available for care leavers or vulnerable adults. Or at least they can advise what services he can access. I am surprised he has no social work or other input though if he’s previously been in a situation bad enough to warrant being in care and I would be skeptical of this, though maybe that’s me having too much faith in the services.
i wouldn’t send him back to his mums personally, you know she’s abusive, I’d just leave her out of it
I’d probably let him stay but for a set amount of time, and I’d expect him to get a job and show me that he’s saving money for future rent. Is he going to university? If he is at least He will get some loan / grant money and can move into halls then at least and there’s usually support at uni for students estranged from family plus university often offer some free therapy which would be useful. Is he at school or college? I’d probably speak to them too. And ofc id check with ds first what he is comfortable with.

Nocameltoeleggingsplease · 28/12/2025 21:01

If he has an EHCP he has additional support and protection until he is 25. College probably ‘hold’ the EHCP so if you don’t get anywhere; contact college on the 5th Jan.

Icanflyhigh · 28/12/2025 21:06

You've done a good thing taking him in. Well done for that.
X

bluedabadeedabadoo · 28/12/2025 21:28

How long was he in care for? It it was more than 13 weeks then he is still entitled to leaving care support. He will have a support worker from the leaving care team and is likely to be classed as ‘eligible’ in terms of meeting the criteria for leaving care support. If you google the leaving care procedures for the local authority where he was looked after, you will be able to find the procedures around this. They probably won’t actually house him and he will still need to present as homeless etc but they will be able to support him with it and will be able to local charities etc.

fatphalange · 28/12/2025 21:32

I accompanied a friend of DS to the council to declare homeless. Google your local authority and something like ‘young person presenting homeless’ to see what provisions there are in your area for a head’s up on what to expect. Poor kid. At least he’s got some support in you and your son.

Hepzibar · 28/12/2025 21:45

MrsJPBP · 28/12/2025 20:49

No personal advisor, he said his mum refused all care leavers services on his behalf - I didn’t think parents could do that.

I do believe she flew off the handle - possibly provoked for whatever reason. She has beaten him before. He said she had been drinking.

i guess he was filthy as he’d been wearing the same clothes for almost 2 days and had been wandering the streets all night? I don’t think anything more sinister.

His mother cannot refuse on his behalf- he is 18 and can request support from CSC until he’s is 25. If he has been with a FC, then it is either on. Full care Order or Section 20. Do not believe what his mother says, or had told him - ever.
If he had an EHCP then he will have a SW also.
College Safeguarding and Care Experienced Team will know all these details

Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 28/12/2025 21:47

Imo you have the power to transform that lad into a decent human being.
Please do so.
Or he will end up lost amongst the homeless druggies...

bluedabadeedabadoo · 28/12/2025 21:57

CornishTiger · 28/12/2025 20:53

@MrsJPBP those with PR are often consulted but don’t have the final say.

Childrens commissioner is quite clear 16/17 who are living away from home should be offered the protection of section 20 unless there are compelling reasons otherwise. Which most councils deter YP from doing due to the costs to council but it offers them do much more protection including housing support and automatic priority need for homelessness.

He lived in foster care so definitely would either have been s20 or on a care order. Yes sometimes local authorities get around it with supported accommodation but you can’t either foster care.

OnePearlHelper · 28/12/2025 22:15

Kibble19 · 28/12/2025 20:42

No parent is throwing an 18 year old out at 2am for not doing the washing up. There has to be more to this.

As others have said, it’s a case for social work. Presume they’d try to mediate between him and the parent, to see the best way forward.

If he’s previously been in care this could definitely have happened!

OnePearlHelper · 28/12/2025 22:20

Depending on how long he was in care for he might still be entitled to some Leaving Care Support.

You could also try Adult Social Care but this depends on his support needs, being homeless on its own isn’t enough.

Lastly you could google young people’s supported accommodation and refer him. I know of many provisions in Lancashire that he would be eligible for, if you’re in that area I can direct you to these if not google should throw some up for you.

JohnofWessex · 28/12/2025 22:25

SS may well try and get out of any involvement if they can.................

You may need specialist legal advice

Moussell · 28/12/2025 22:29

If he was formerly in care ask social services child duty desk at the local council. If he is covered he will get much more help than if treated as an adult. I wouldn’t take his or his dm’s word on this. Ring up and ask. It isn’t just about a roof over his head. He may need support and therapy. How do you know he doesn’t present a danger to your dc? Contact the authorities and get him proper help.

Itsmrsadlertoyou · 28/12/2025 22:55

My mate is homeless, it’s a living nightmare for my sleep. Please let the boy stay. The homeless shelters are awful. Full of dealing, fights yet If my mate so much as breathes wrong he’s out on his ear for 2 weeks but I still pay for him to sleep there so he’s not freezing and seizing in a tent.if I could I’d have him live in the spare room. Be the mum that boy needs. My mate started using h, and c at 18. I’m all he has. His family disowned him. Don’t give up on the kid.

Flibbertyfloo · 28/12/2025 23:03

Whilst probably not the wisest idea, I suspect I'd end up with him living with me. I just couldn't turn my back on a neglected and abused 18 year old if I could possibly help him. Unless there were drugs or inappropriate behaviour that posed a risk to the family, in which case I'd be doing everything possible to get help from the authorities.

CornishTiger · 28/12/2025 23:04

@bluedabadeedabadoo hopefully it was a formal foster carer rather than a supported lodgings type arrangement. I’ve been in touch with OP and offered her some advice.

Let’s not forget he was kicked out and fled in just his clothes and there is a long history of domestic abuse from his mother. That in itself is automatic priority need even if he’s not class as a care leaver.

fatphalange · 28/12/2025 23:05

Itsmrsadlertoyou · 28/12/2025 22:55

My mate is homeless, it’s a living nightmare for my sleep. Please let the boy stay. The homeless shelters are awful. Full of dealing, fights yet If my mate so much as breathes wrong he’s out on his ear for 2 weeks but I still pay for him to sleep there so he’s not freezing and seizing in a tent.if I could I’d have him live in the spare room. Be the mum that boy needs. My mate started using h, and c at 18. I’m all he has. His family disowned him. Don’t give up on the kid.

Your mate needs to engage with council services in order to be housed, if that’s what he wants. Many homeless don’t want to be which is a different topic entirely to the OP’s situation, where this young person has found himself thrown of his home, but isn’t a drug user who lives on the streets.

1Messycoo · 28/12/2025 23:14

Contact your local adult support services