what if my boy fails all his exams 😭

[ChangingChances89]

cant sleep keep thinkin bout thursday. ds gettin his results n my stomach just turns over every time i think of it. i feel like if he dont get what he needs then i failed him as a mum.

hes such a quiet boy, keeps to himself, xbox n music, but hes had same help as the other kids so what if it werent enough?? i keep picturing him openin that envelope n its all fails 😢 what will happen then??

i been cryin in the bathroom tonight so the others dont see. just wanna protect him but i cant do this bit for him.

any other mums feel like this?? like u just wanna take it away from them.

Hi OP, I remember your previous threads.

This would be my practical action plan, take this however you will:

1. Check what grades his school require to admit him for sixth form. Email them directly if you’re not sure.
2. If he does not meet the grades required to enter sixth form at his current school, he will need to look at other A level colleges or apprenticeships. Almost all jobs and colleges require a minimum of a 4 in both English and Maths for GCSE.
3. If he gets below a 4 in English or Maths he will need to resit, as his options will be very limited without them.

There are always options. Worst case scenario is he will need to keep resitting until he gets the minimum grades for an apprenticeship or sixth form. It will take longer, but he will get there. Just don’t let him decide he isn’t going to go to college or get an apprenticeship!

Oh sweety. You’re catastrophising but If he does fail them all, then you will still love and support him. People make their own luck in life and 9 A* doesn’t make you nicer, happier or, in the long term, necessarily anymore successful than the academic “failures”. If he can find something that he loves to do, if he can get out of bed in the mornings and earn enough to support himself then he’s winning at life. However he does, make sure you put a smile on and tell him how proud you are of him.

Wpuld He be interested in an apprenticeship?

He won't have failed.
He might get low grades (1-3) but these still count as GCSEs.
If he gets less than a 4 in English or Maths then he will be able to re do those at college as getting a 4 or above is generally needed for any jobs or other college courses but if he has a 1-3 in any of the other subjects then they are still counted as GCSEs and he can tell people he has GCSEs in that subject.
He will be ok.
Stay calm.

If he's done his work and tried his best then what he gets is what he gets and if he didn't try as hard as you might like remember exams are shit anyway and shouldn't be a one size fits all. Life beyond GCSEs is full of different options so even if he is disappointed he will be able to find a different path with your support. Update us on how he did if you need help!

but hes had same help as the other kids so what if it werent enough?
What kind of help did he get? Did he have tutors?

There are always options!
One of the more successful people I went to school with had to take resits. Set up his own business once he finished, and now employs several people and lives in a very nice house.

He seemed to have fallen through the cracks from what you've said, both at school and at home, but did you manage to speak to the school about what might happen next?

It’s not the end of the world. My eldest got nothing over a grade 3 last year. He went to the local college to do a Level 1 vocational course. Loved it and doing Level 2 this year and hopefully 3 next - which is the equivalent level of A Levels. His brother gets his results this week. He could get similar or could do better. Best case scenario he’ll go straight into Level 3 on the vocational course he wants but worst case scenario he’ll still be on the course but will start on Level 1.

Apprenticeships are highly competitive and not the back up option! As others have said, a college course might be more suitable,

OP this time last year I was in a similar boat with my twins. One massively underachieved at school, chose a college rather than 6th form. He is about to start a L3 after getting a distinction in Year 1.

thanks everyone 💔 i just sit here panickin n my brain goes to the worst. i didnt even know the 1-3s still count, i thought that was just fails. shows what i know 🙈

he hasnt had tutors or nothin, just whatever school give. i did email before about extra help but they said he was “coping ok” which dont really feel true when he dont talk to no one.

im gonna try stay calm n smile for him like u say. he dont need my stress on top of his. i just wanna hug him n tell him im proud no matter what.

thank u for remindin me theres other ways n not the end if he dont get it right first time. i probly needed to hear that.

I hear you, DD2 did online school and private tuition and I'm hoping she just passes her Maths and English. There are other options and possibilities of resits and studying Maths and English again alongside Level 2 qualifications. Good luck, OP.

Some courses at College will allow them to retake English and Maths alongside the course.

If he does fail both then it might be worth going to the local college with him and finding out which courses are available with his grades.

thank u 💕 means a lot hearin others been thru it too. i keep remindin myself its not just black n white pass or fail, theres always other ways. just hope he can see that too if its not what he wanted.

good luck to ur dd2 aswell 🤞 hope she gets what she needs xx

My eldest failed an A level subject and was devastated. His reaction was due to the disappointment but also the feeling that he’d let us down. I remember just hugging him and saying ‘don’t worry-we will sort this out’.
A little while later he was off to Uni.
They need to know that you support them - even if things work out a little differently. It’s their life ultimately and adding stressful expectations to kids (and many boys mature more slowly anyway) doesn’t help in the long term. This is different to encouraging aspirations and ambitions.
It’s not the end of the world and working through these setbacks builds character. He knows I will also be there to do just that, whatever happens. We’ve grown closer since then and he comes to me usually if he has a problem.

Agree. My DD missed y11. She started college at level 1 and went from there with maths and Englush at college.

I’m sure he will do fine. There’s always resits and other options for them. What’s his plans for September?

There’s so many college courses out there that will be suitable for him and he can work his way up if needs be.

My Y11s this year are mostly looking at 3s and below. They all have something they're doing in September at college - hairdressing, animal care, plumbing, construction...there really are options out there for students who don't get all 4+.

thank u all, its helpin me calm a bit. hes said he wants to do sport at college but i dont even know what grades he needs for that 😕 i just keep thinkin what if he dont get in anywhere, like its all on this one bit of paper.

im tryin not to let him see im stressin cos i know that wont help, just wanna be able to say same as u lot, that we will sort it out whatever happens.

There's a sport BTEC level 2 that requires a few grade 3s and a level 1 that doesn't really require anything.

Look at what your local college offers for sport and the entry requirements.

Sport sounds good, glad he's expressing an interest. As said I'd look up the local colleges so you can get a head start.

Just to let you know @ChangingChances89- Level 1 is equivalent to functional skills, Level 2 is equivalent to a GCSE and Level 3 an A-Level. Just so you know and the wording of the college on the day doesn't confuse you and you know. Try and get him the highest level to start with (based on what he likes and what he can deal with) depending on the grades as PP have mentioned. He can also always progress after. He can start at Level 1 first, then do progress to Level 2 and Level 3.

I get the impression a lot of your stress, very understandably, is because you’re not sure what grades he actually needs or what impact they will have on his future studies.

You need to sit down with him, pick some A levels or BTECS he wants to study together, then look at the entry requirements for colleges that offer them. It doesn’t sound like he is able to do this himself.

That will give you a concrete plan and hopefully some reassurance for both of you.

So have you and your son not been in contact with colleges, enquiring about courses, @ChangingChances89? That was discussed at length on all your previous threads.

By now he should know exactly what grades are required for every possible course within a twenty mile radius, surely?

Yes, I agree with this OP. What subjects does he like?
Does he want to do A-levels if he gets higher grades than expected? If so what subject would he like to do?

If not again look at the specifc BTECs and 1. What they teach (modules etc, placements) 2. Ask DS to think about general ideas on what he wants to do in the future as a job/career potentially. He doesn't have other know for certain, but even just eliminate jobs he wouldn't like and then search up on Google etc how he can get there - as in what subjects does he need to study and a what level (level 1, level 2, level 3 etc) and what grades he needs for the future job or any future training.