Page 2 | 17 year old is pregnant

Snowpatrolling · 2025-05-26T15:23:31+00:00

Hi, im not sure what I’m asking for here, my 17 year old has just found out she’s pregnant. she dropped out of college but has a cleaning job, her BF is a knob. She spends all her money on weed. im financially struggling with no family support, my youngest is being investigated for autism. She’s 13. She also self harms. had problems with my 17 year old since she was 14. She thinks it’s a game. im struggling to know how to cope, im already low and this I think is about to push me over the edge. Im trying to be there for my children but I can’t help but feel it would be easier if I disappear. I can’t do this anymore. their dad is not on the scene, somebody please tell me we are going to be ok.

scoobysnaxx · 26/05/2025 20:34

God bless that poor wee baby ❤️

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 26/05/2025 21:08

So she’s screamed and shouted at me, she thought she would get a council house handed to her on a plate in BF area, I told her it doesn’t work like that but she’s need to go the the local council office and ask, told her she’d need to register with a dr there but put down a local address. She’s asking me to kick her out, she’s hardley ever here anyway, only comes back when she has to work. I told her I doNt need to kick her out, she’s free to leave and tell them she’s homeless, I told her to ring social: I said she needs to think about the baby and it’s not about her now.
she’s shouting at me cos I do t have the answers to all her questions.
Ive told her she needs to register with a midwife asap as she needs a scan.
she said she can’t live with me as I do her head in. Again told her to leave if she wants.
she can’t register as living with anyone in the Bfs area as they are all on benefits. The boyfriend won’t even tell his dad and told her “it’s not my problem” she’s still saying she wants to be with him.
I’ve got car issues so I need to focus on that tomorrow.

is it selfish to take the attitude of “ you made your bed now lie in it?”

I have nothing left to give this kid.

I have told her when she wises up which I hope is soon I’m happy to support if she stays but she needs to want my support and not suck any more damn life out of me.

OP posts:

xmasdealhunter · 26/05/2025 21:10

@Snowpatrolling If your DD decides to keep the baby, or is unsure, please refer her to the Family Nurse Partnership. You can find the local information for the council relevant to you and sign up through that, but a nurse will visit her throughout her pregnancy and until the child is 2, to help her with various things. It's a huge help and they can refer onto other services if needed. Family Nurse Partnership programme - GOV.UK. It will take the weight off of you to have someone else step in and help.

Shelter has some good advice RE housing, and what her next options would be. Homeless help if you're 16 or 17 - Shelter England

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 26/05/2025 21:16

xmasdealhunter · 26/05/2025 21:10

@Snowpatrolling If your DD decides to keep the baby, or is unsure, please refer her to the Family Nurse Partnership. You can find the local information for the council relevant to you and sign up through that, but a nurse will visit her throughout her pregnancy and until the child is 2, to help her with various things. It's a huge help and they can refer onto other services if needed. Family Nurse Partnership programme - GOV.UK. It will take the weight off of you to have someone else step in and help.

Shelter has some good advice RE housing, and what her next options would be. Homeless help if you're 16 or 17 - Shelter England

Edited

Thankyou this is very helpful.
im going to ring GP tomorrow to find out the process. She’s already had social services intervention previously but im going to ring them anyway as we need help. I can’t do this on my own.

OP posts:

Original poster

Snowpatrolling · 26/05/2025 21:25

scoobysnaxx · 26/05/2025 20:34

God bless that poor wee baby ❤️

I feel the same. I’m really trying. I cannot take it in if she changes her mind when it’s born so I’m hoping that sinks in for her.

OP posts:

xmasdealhunter · 26/05/2025 21:29

That sounds like a good plan. The GP will be able to refer to a midwife for scans etc, but I think the Family Nurse Partnership is a separate agency and so you will have to self refer directly to them. They can get social services involved if need be, or you can also self refer to that so that she has a caseworker, which might be a smart move to have both the FNP and case worker working in tandem Social services and your family | Family Lives. The case worker can then help her figure out living accommodation etc.

Social services and your family | Family Lives

This article explains what to expect if you or a member of your family are involved with social services and what steps to take

https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/social-services-and-your-family/social-services-and-your-family#cr39420

BruFord · 26/05/2025 21:40

Snowpatrolling · 26/05/2025 21:08

So she’s screamed and shouted at me, she thought she would get a council house handed to her on a plate in BF area, I told her it doesn’t work like that but she’s need to go the the local council office and ask, told her she’d need to register with a dr there but put down a local address. She’s asking me to kick her out, she’s hardley ever here anyway, only comes back when she has to work. I told her I doNt need to kick her out, she’s free to leave and tell them she’s homeless, I told her to ring social: I said she needs to think about the baby and it’s not about her now.
she’s shouting at me cos I do t have the answers to all her questions.
Ive told her she needs to register with a midwife asap as she needs a scan.
she said she can’t live with me as I do her head in. Again told her to leave if she wants.
she can’t register as living with anyone in the Bfs area as they are all on benefits. The boyfriend won’t even tell his dad and told her “it’s not my problem” she’s still saying she wants to be with him.
I’ve got car issues so I need to focus on that tomorrow.

is it selfish to take the attitude of “ you made your bed now lie in it?”

I have nothing left to give this kid.

I have told her when she wises up which I hope is soon I’m happy to support if she stays but she needs to want my support and not suck any more damn life out of me.

@Snowpatrolling I’m so sorry that you’re going through all this stress. 💐 I think you’re doing the right thing tbh. you genuinely don’t have all the answers, your DD is going to have to grow up quickly and start thinking about her baby.

Ring the GP tomorrow and get things rolling. She can’t bury her head in the sand about this, she’ll have to make some serious decisions, you can’t make them for her, legally she’s nearly an adult.

Readytohealnow · 26/05/2025 22:14

Snowpatrolling · 26/05/2025 21:25

I feel the same. I’m really trying. I cannot take it in if she changes her mind when it’s born so I’m hoping that sinks in for her.

Show quote history

Stick to your guns on that one OP. It will likely be taken off her. And good!

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 26/05/2025 22:20

thebiggestmugoftea · 26/05/2025 19:57

Kick your teenage daughter out because she's pregnant? Wow.

I'd be scooping her up and letting her know no matter what happens she's safe and always has a home with me.

...

Show quote history

I think if my pregnant teenage daughter was taking responsibility and stepping up for the baby, I’d have this response.

however o/p’s dd sounds totally unprepared and in denial over how she will deal with a baby. She has no money, no home, a deadbeat boyfriend, a drug problem, and MH and behavioural issues severe enough that her mum has been granted authority to speak to HCP on her behalf.

in that case “help” is going to take a different form. She needs help to face reality and start making proper plans to care for this child. If she won’t, then it may have to be a cruel to be kind awakening. I’d be ready to take the baby in if it all goes tits up, but if she is an adult with a dependent and needs to be taking care of herself and the child, not making harebrained plans which may leave a neglected baby.

she needs a caseworker, social services and other agencies on top of her, not her mum bailing her out when she can’t

UniqueRedSquid · 27/05/2025 01:08

If she’s deciding to have a baby then it’s time to grow up fast and be independent. It sounds like she won’t do that so if she does carry this child to term then please be prepared to report her to the appropriate agencies to minimise the likelihood of your grandchild coming to harm or being neglected.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 27/05/2025 01:57

I'm sorry It's such a difficult situation for her to put all on your shoulders
she sounds naive and immature and isn't looking at the bigger picture
Its a disaster waiting to happen if she's dead set on keeping the baby
i I think tough love is needed here
I actually would write an eviction letter as she will need this in order to be housed
Yes do contact GP but to reassure you, Fluoxetine is completely safe during pregnancy, I took it myself and DS3 was born healthy at 40 weeks exactly 7lb 5. He's 24 and 6'1 now!

justmeandmyselfandi · 27/05/2025 02:19

Tell her if she wants to keep the baby then she'll need to fully support herself, so shes going to needs a job, a house and childcare. Hopefully she'll have a termination which woukd be the best thing for this baby as it has no hope, especially if she's been smoking weed whilst pregnant. Put down a hard line.

BruFord · 27/05/2025 02:23

she needs a caseworker, social services and other agencies on top of her, not her mum bailing her out when she can’t.

Exactly @Whatsgoingonherethenagain, her Mum can’t take charge of this situation, she has to do it herself. Thats the reality of being a parent so if she wants to keep the baby, she needs to step up.

IShouldNotCoco · 27/05/2025 02:23

justkeepswimingswiming · 26/05/2025 18:24

Unless you want to be bringing up the baby for the next 18 years - kick her out, it’s time she has a reality check.

Kick your pregnant child out? No…

Im sorry for the OP and her situation sounds very hard but if one of the younger children is being investigated for being ND, then maybe the older dd also is?

Smoking weed is a very common, maladaptive coping mechanism for ND people I have noticed.

If your child becomes an adult with a lot of issues then you have to bear some of the responsibility as their parent.

Cheffymcchef · 27/05/2025 02:24

Make it clear you won’t be looking after baby.

I am religious but in this case I would be encouraging an abortion I’m afraid. She doesn’t want to be tied down to her loser bf forever, one day she will get sick of him but they will have that tie because of the baby.

Your youngest being autistic has nothing to do with this, I say this as someone autistic. You won’t be looking after your eldests baby so there’s no need to consider the youngest.

I would be being harsh and telling daughter while I’ll support her decision you won’t be being a babysitter. I wouldn’t have the heart to chuck her out now, but she will have to either arrange work around baby and aim to find her own place if she keeps baby. She’s got nine months to find her own place, you can offer to help. Or help arrange adoption if she wants to give baby up.

why on earth didn’t you ensure she was on contraception / have the talk about it when she started having sex/ having boyfriends?

IShouldNotCoco · 27/05/2025 02:26

Btw you can get universal credit if you are at least 16 and responsible for a child. You can also get housing benefit.

IShouldNotCoco · 27/05/2025 02:29

Snowpatrolling · 26/05/2025 21:08

So she’s screamed and shouted at me, she thought she would get a council house handed to her on a plate in BF area, I told her it doesn’t work like that but she’s need to go the the local council office and ask, told her she’d need to register with a dr there but put down a local address. She’s asking me to kick her out, she’s hardley ever here anyway, only comes back when she has to work. I told her I doNt need to kick her out, she’s free to leave and tell them she’s homeless, I told her to ring social: I said she needs to think about the baby and it’s not about her now.
she’s shouting at me cos I do t have the answers to all her questions.
Ive told her she needs to register with a midwife asap as she needs a scan.
she said she can’t live with me as I do her head in. Again told her to leave if she wants.
she can’t register as living with anyone in the Bfs area as they are all on benefits. The boyfriend won’t even tell his dad and told her “it’s not my problem” she’s still saying she wants to be with him.
I’ve got car issues so I need to focus on that tomorrow.

is it selfish to take the attitude of “ you made your bed now lie in it?”

I have nothing left to give this kid.

I have told her when she wises up which I hope is soon I’m happy to support if she stays but she needs to want my support and not suck any more damn life out of me.

You do need to tell the council that you are kicking her out if they will prioritise her for social housing. So why would you not do this if you want her out and she wants to move out?

Don’t make life as difficult as possible for her just because you’re angry…

justmeandmyselfandi · 27/05/2025 02:44

IShouldNotCoco · 27/05/2025 02:23

Kick your pregnant child out? No…

Im sorry for the OP and her situation sounds very hard but if one of the younger children is being investigated for being ND, then maybe the older dd also is?

Smoking weed is a very common, maladaptive coping mechanism for ND people I have noticed.

If your child becomes an adult with a lot of issues then you have to bear some of the responsibility as their parent.

Show quote history

Perhaps, but you also have responsibility not to continue the cycle.

McSpoot · 27/05/2025 02:48

I think people saying to kick out her daughter may be missing this bit from the OP:

if I have to take her of my UC claim I’m not gonna be able to afford my rent.

Sounds like kicking her daughter out would be harmful to the OP (even if we ignore feelings about what is right/wrong for her daughter).

MrsEverest · 27/05/2025 02:59

I'd be having a very frank conversation about termination. This is a pregnancy that is most likely going to result in a baby absolutely condemned to poverty and neglect.

I would not be kicking her out if she decides not to terminate, however. You're going to have to find something more to give this kid I'm afraid.

DurinsBane · 27/05/2025 03:08

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 26/05/2025 22:20

I think if my pregnant teenage daughter was taking responsibility and stepping up for the baby, I’d have this response.

however o/p’s dd sounds totally unprepared and in denial over how she will deal with a baby. She has no money, no home, a deadbeat boyfriend, a drug problem, and MH and behavioural issues severe enough that her mum has been granted authority to speak to HCP on her behalf.

in that case “help” is going to take a different form. She needs help to face reality and start making proper plans to care for this child. If she won’t, then it may have to be a cruel to be kind awakening. I’d be ready to take the baby in if it all goes tits up, but if she is an adult with a dependent and needs to be taking care of herself and the child, not making harebrained plans which may leave a neglected baby.

she needs a caseworker, social services and other agencies on top of her, not her mum bailing her out when she can’t

Edited

Show quote history

Just to say, you don’t have to have anything too severe to get a parent to have permission to talk to a doctor. My daughter is the same age, she gets anxious on the phone so gave permission for me to talk to the HCP for her. She just had to put it in an email that she gives it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2025 03:14

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 26/05/2025 22:20

I think if my pregnant teenage daughter was taking responsibility and stepping up for the baby, I’d have this response.

however o/p’s dd sounds totally unprepared and in denial over how she will deal with a baby. She has no money, no home, a deadbeat boyfriend, a drug problem, and MH and behavioural issues severe enough that her mum has been granted authority to speak to HCP on her behalf.

in that case “help” is going to take a different form. She needs help to face reality and start making proper plans to care for this child. If she won’t, then it may have to be a cruel to be kind awakening. I’d be ready to take the baby in if it all goes tits up, but if she is an adult with a dependent and needs to be taking care of herself and the child, not making harebrained plans which may leave a neglected baby.

she needs a caseworker, social services and other agencies on top of her, not her mum bailing her out when she can’t

Edited

Show quote history

Agreed. On top of this, op has 2 jobs to make ends meet. She’s in survival mode, not in self actualisation.

echt · 27/05/2025 03:15

why on earth didn’t you ensure she was on contraception / have the talk about it when she started having sex/ having boyfriends?

You can't ensure someone uses contraception you. What makes you think the OP did't have this conversation?

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2025 03:19

Do you have a friend or are there any of your dd’s friend’s mums or teachers, who your dd would listen to? I talk to a couple of my dd’s friends about life issues. Their mums have asked me to talk to them at various points about stuff. For reference, they’re 16 and 17.

SadTexanChick · 27/05/2025 03:24

So she can start saving money now since she can not be smoking weed because of the baby. I hope you have made this CRYSTAL CLEAR to this also kid.