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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

667 replies

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

OP posts:
Seamond · 15/05/2025 09:40

When DS was left at 17 he was working at a supermarket as much as he could while doing his A levels so busy anyway, house was clean when we arrived home and he temporarily mended the constantly flushing toilet by hooking it up, which broke while we were away

TicTac80 · 15/05/2025 09:40

It depends on the kids. I was 17 (and my DB 15) when my parents went away for 5 days. Mum had done a grocery shop for us before they went. Neighbours were told (and we knew we could call on them if any problems) and had our parents' overseas contact info. We were allowed to have friends over, but we didn't throw parties (we didn't dare!!). We just went to school and then came home. My brother did his paper round before school, and I did shifts at my part time job. We both knew how to cook and keep the house/garden clean/tidy and in good order. The neighbours were all family friends and knew us well, but I'm sure they did keep an eye on things too (and wouldn't have hesitated to report back to my parents if there were any issues!).

Last year, I booked a weekend camping (it was local event) at a time my eldest (then 17) was away on a 3 day school trip. He came back the day before I was due home. I checked that he'd be ok that I wasn't home when he got back (or whether he wanted me to go get him). He assured me he was fine staying home, and there were no problems. I know our current neighbours well and we all keep an eye out for each other, so he knew to go to them if any problems.

Mh67 · 15/05/2025 09:40

Never in a million years. There will be parties and word spreads through social media. Your house will be trashed. I wouldnt even leave them keys as they have another place to stay. They chose not to come so they need to deal with the consequences which is staying with dad

GemmaCalmDown · 15/05/2025 09:42

We recently went to a wedding and one of our friends left their 17 year son behind with 3 friends. Luckily they have door cameras so could see if any more turned up but also a camera in their massive kitchen diner. They had to ring their son mid evening to tell him and his mates to get off the marble breakfast bar they were standing on. I felt sick and it wasn't even my child.

I think 1 or 2 nights yes, 6 nights no.

PrettyPuss · 15/05/2025 09:42

No way.

tinyspiny · 15/05/2025 09:43

I’d be giving them the choice they either come on the holiday or they go to their dads and if they choose dads then they give you the keys to your house so they cannot get in until you get back . Even if you trust your kids they have friends , who have friends who have acquaintances who end up knowing that your house is free for a party - which is why I would take all keys .

minipie · 15/05/2025 09:43

Did you ask them before you booked? If they were keen then, I’d be saying they need to stick to that and come too.

If not then it doesn’t seem fair to make them come but as pp have said I wouldn’t cancel I would take keys and they can stay with their dad. Unless there is a reason this really won’t work?

AthWat · 15/05/2025 09:43

FortyElephants · 15/05/2025 09:33

No it's not. As I said I've left my DS several times for a few days, and overnight for single nights loads of times. He's a sociable kid but has never had a party at the house because he doesn't want one. I have several friends with teens of a similar age or older, none of them have EVER had parties at the house when left alone. I'm not saying it never happens obviously, but posters love to say how it's guaranteed that hordes of rampaging teens will share the address over telegram as if it's an illegal rave and will descend for a night of debauchery that will definitely end in the police being called. It's just ridiculous.

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Strangely enough both I and my kids, in turn, have been left alone in the house at 17/18 and no parties have been had. Even at 17 I wouldn't have been so stupid. I didn't feel I needed any supposed cachet from hosting a party and could see that others who did host them were largely thought of as mugs by everyone who went, not looked up to. I felt my kids also had the basic sense to realise that so had no worries leaving them.
I just went to parties in other people's houses. And thought of them as mugs.

Carodebalo · 15/05/2025 09:47

I have not done this but I could (and would) leave my 17 and 15 year old, yes. Especially if their dad lived around the corner like in your case. I would however tell them absolutely 100% no parties. We have a ring doorbell and they know I’d be able to check. Too risky (damage, alcohol, disturb neighbours etc). But leave them alone, with their father so close by? Yes, without a doubt. I have raised them to be independent so I don’t see why not, they need to become independent at some point, don’t they? OP you know your own children, if you believe they can do this and if they are happy with this arrangement, then go for it. No parties though 😜

FortyElephants · 15/05/2025 09:48

AthWat · 15/05/2025 09:43

Strangely enough both I and my kids, in turn, have been left alone in the house at 17/18 and no parties have been had. Even at 17 I wouldn't have been so stupid. I didn't feel I needed any supposed cachet from hosting a party and could see that others who did host them were largely thought of as mugs by everyone who went, not looked up to. I felt my kids also had the basic sense to realise that so had no worries leaving them.
I just went to parties in other people's houses. And thought of them as mugs.

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Exactly!
house parties are a big thing at 16/17. DS has been to plenty, agreed and vaguely supervised by other people's parents. He told me he would never want to have a party at our home. Partly because it's a flat and he would never get away with it, partly because he wouldn't want to deal with cleaning up. He also knows I would never agree and weirdly enough he's not desperate to violate my wishes.

Happyholidays78 · 15/05/2025 09:48

Calliopespa · 15/05/2025 09:23

Or on the kids who know they are home alone …

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Good point, we don't advertise we are going away & I'd be surprised if my son told his friends. We tell our neighbours both side's so they keep an eye out for him. Like I said it really depends on the kid's & their personality or how sensible they are, we're all different- I would definitely have had a party!

Bobnobob · 15/05/2025 09:49

Why would you not go? Send them to their dads and make sure they can’t get into your house. Buy a ring doorbell so you can keep an eye on the house yourself.

1SillySossij · 15/05/2025 09:50

I don't know why people keep banging on about being left /leaving kids at 17.The issue is not with the 17 year old. It is about a child under16 being left a week without a parent or responsible adult.

ERthree · 15/05/2025 09:50

They will be fine. Just make sure the know not to tell ANY friends that you are away. Have a great time.
As for those saying 17 is too young remember you can get married at 16, have a baby, go to Uni, leave home or join the Armed Forces.

Supporthelittleguys · 15/05/2025 09:52

My kids are still young so I don’t have any experience of teenagers (except being one myself once!) I know my mum left me for a week at 17 though & I bloody loved it, no disaster's. Are you friendly enough with their dad that he can pop in every other day to check in on them?

thesugarbumfairy · 15/05/2025 09:53

I would not, no. And mine are 18 and 15. Not because of parties. I just think its too long. (My 18 is not particularly mature, and they don't interact at all, ever. No brotherly love there) If it was shorter, 3 days perhaps, and there was someone I could rely on to pop in and check on them, then maybe. Because they would just sit around in their pants eating all the food in the house really.

SapporoBaby · 15/05/2025 09:55

Nope. Not after what I did when my mum did the same when I was 15 and sister was 17!

Lulusept22 · 15/05/2025 09:56

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

My parents started leaving us for one or two nights when we were 15 and 17. They said we could have friends over and we did. There was mutual respect so it was always just a handful of friends and we tidied up after ourselves. We lived on the continent and could legally drink so we woken have little parties with our closest friends. Our parents trusted us and so us and our friends were really respectful and always took care of the house and tidying.

Six days seems a bit long, unless their dad can be involved with seeing them every/most days. Could they maybe halve their time between theirs and their dads

Lulusept22 · 15/05/2025 09:57

Lulusept22 · 15/05/2025 09:56

My parents started leaving us for one or two nights when we were 15 and 17. They said we could have friends over and we did. There was mutual respect so it was always just a handful of friends and we tidied up after ourselves. We lived on the continent and could legally drink so we woken have little parties with our closest friends. Our parents trusted us and so us and our friends were really respectful and always took care of the house and tidying.

Six days seems a bit long, unless their dad can be involved with seeing them every/most days. Could they maybe halve their time between theirs and their dads

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Would have **

Verbena17 · 15/05/2025 09:58

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:52

Thanks all. Very helpful. My gut is telling me not to go although it's a shame as we have flights booked as they were supposed to come but we can reschedule.

Why can’t you arrange that they stay at their dad’s for those 6 days?
I think 6 days for the 17yr old fine (although not with the party) but if you’re abroad then no for 15yr old.

TrustyRusty68 · 15/05/2025 09:59

Exactly this!!

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 15/05/2025 10:00

TrustyRusty68 · 15/05/2025 09:59

Exactly this!!

Exactly what?

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 15/05/2025 10:02

I was left on my own at 17 BUT I was in uni and working hence why I couldn’t go. I wouldn’t leave both of them to be honest.

Chewbecca · 15/05/2025 10:04

When we did this, we took the keys. However, the older one got around it and had a party. Did a shit job of clearing up too!
The neighbours called the police apparently so it was pretty loud and late.

It was a long time ago so we can laugh about it now but it wasn't very funny at the time!

amyds2104 · 15/05/2025 10:04

I have a safeguarding role and I think I have to speak to so many parents whose children are involved in house parties with drink & drugs & fights or sexual assualts etc from as young as 13-18. I think at least 80% of them start by telling me how responsible children they are and they are surprised it has happened. Although legally both your children are still children I would be concerned at a 17 year old being in charge/responsible of a 15 year old too. You know your family though and your support network.

I'm also interested that you have booked a holiday. Your children have decided they are not going. They have also decided they are not going to dads. What have you actually decided as even at 15 and 17 they should not have this level of control over you as their parent so you have to change holiday plans? Seems unfair on your partner and your other child to lose out because your kids have decided they dont want to do something. The children have 2 options come on the holiday or go to their dads surely?