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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

667 replies

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 15/05/2025 09:27

Kreepture · 15/05/2025 09:27

Absolutely not.

I'm 44 now and me and my older brother were 18 and 15 when my mom and dad left us for the first time.. thinking we were old enough to be fiiiine.

my brother had a suicidal episode after his GF dumped him while they were away, and I, at 15, had to do my best to handle it with his GF's mum on the end of the phone because i couldn't get my parents.
It was in the middle of my GCSE's and i had a breakdown not long after.

I have never forgiven him or them for doing that to me.

edited to add: It isn't just about how responsible the 17yo is, its about how mature enough is the 15yo if something goes wrong, and how either of them would survive and cope in a crisis.

I "coped" but it left me traumatised.

Edited

I’m so sorry @Kreepture

Ellephanting · 15/05/2025 09:28

I posted earlier in the thread. I did actually leave my kids at a similar age. I completely trusted them to be sensible. They weren’t party types. They looked after themselves and the dog. They had contact numbers if anything went wrong.

Nothing bad happened. They don’t now resent me. It was all fine.

redcord · 15/05/2025 09:28

I have two kids I would trust to leave at that age and one definitely not.

The deal would be, you stay with dad or you come with. Completely fair.

WasherWoman25 · 15/05/2025 09:29

I would (and have) leave mine as long as Dad is aware and there can go there / call him if anything is needed. Mine have had grandparents to call on. We let a couple of the closer neighbours know as well. I was confident they wouldn't have parties but only you know your kids. We had a rule of no more than two friends in the house at once. We have CCTV and ring door bell that helps!

tamade · 15/05/2025 09:29

Depends how much support you/they can get from the dad if he is only 10 min away and he is willing to look in regularly it could work, possibly

Calliopespa · 15/05/2025 09:30

redcord · 15/05/2025 09:28

I have two kids I would trust to leave at that age and one definitely not.

The deal would be, you stay with dad or you come with. Completely fair.

Agree. Perfectly reasonable. They have a choice, neither tragically unfair.

Kreepture · 15/05/2025 09:30

Calliopespa · 15/05/2025 09:27

I’m so sorry @Kreepture

Show quote history

Thank you.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/05/2025 09:31

I would give them a choice. They come on holiday or they stay with their Dad. Ring doorbells front and back, and alarm set with alerting to you for entrances and exits.
Or Granny comes to stay if that's an option

Or they go and do something different like a school trip/teen residential climbing or sailing course somewhere.

MiddleAgedDread · 15/05/2025 09:31

@Calliopespa i guess people know their own kids, lots of teens are nothing like that!!

bringonyourwreckingball · 15/05/2025 09:32

I left mine for 3 nights at similar ages but they were with their dad one night, they are the most sensible and reliable kids ever and it was in term time in an exam year so I knew they would have their heads down studying.

Doctorkrank · 15/05/2025 09:32

I would as their Dad is so close by and can presumably call in on them and is there if they need him.

FortyElephants · 15/05/2025 09:33

XiCi · 15/05/2025 09:26

This is a joke post right? 🤣🤣🤣

Show quote history

No it's not. As I said I've left my DS several times for a few days, and overnight for single nights loads of times. He's a sociable kid but has never had a party at the house because he doesn't want one. I have several friends with teens of a similar age or older, none of them have EVER had parties at the house when left alone. I'm not saying it never happens obviously, but posters love to say how it's guaranteed that hordes of rampaging teens will share the address over telegram as if it's an illegal rave and will descend for a night of debauchery that will definitely end in the police being called. It's just ridiculous.

EllaPaella · 15/05/2025 09:34

Why do you have to reschedule? If they don’t want to go with you surely they just go to stay with their Dad who is 10 minutes away?

Newmeagain · 15/05/2025 09:34

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:52

Thanks all. Very helpful. My gut is telling me not to go although it's a shame as we have flights booked as they were supposed to come but we can reschedule.

I really don’t understand why you can’t just tell them that they are coming anyway?? I have been to Turkey lots of times and there is plenty to do there for teens - if you are by the coast, there are beach clubs, water sports etc.

sugarapplelane · 15/05/2025 09:34

I would as long as they are sensible kids and their Dad can keep an eye from a distance.
They have another parent who can parent, so why shouldn’t you go off and have some fun.
I was left for a week at 16 and my DH and I left our 17 year old DD last year for a week. House was spotless when we came home.
Only you know your children.

FinallyMovingHouse · 15/05/2025 09:36

No one can accurately answer this for you as it's entirely dependent on what your DC are like. I would have left any of mine alone at this age for this length of time, and in fact we tried to with the DC3 but she was scared to stay at home without us. I suspect I would have been alone in my group of friends with DC of the same age though!

notthatoldchestnut · 15/05/2025 09:36

atata · 14/05/2025 23:23

No way. The 17yo is not responsible enough and the 15yo is a child. 6 days is a long time. I left mine for the first time for 2 days when they were 16/18.

You know that it’s legal for a 16yr old to get married and have a baby right? Some 17 year olds are plenty responsible enough.

localhere · 15/05/2025 09:37

That’s a long time. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself knowing they were by themselves in the house

Moanyoldmoan · 15/05/2025 09:37

i would but both mine are very sensible and i trust them - depends on the child

Isthisthisreallife · 15/05/2025 09:37

I was 16 when I was left alone for three nights when my parents went to France. I was a pretty sensible teen but still invited all my mates around and had a party (low key party but still). My neighbours dobbed me in!
My kids are still young but I don’t think I’ll be leaving them overnight alone till they’re 18.

Peachy2005 · 15/05/2025 09:38

@Springhare76 Why on earth would you cancel? They have options: either they come along on the holiday or they stay with their dad. You can’t be letting them have such power to dictate things to the rest of the family. You all staying home because of them isn’t the right thing either…imo

Caramelcap · 15/05/2025 09:38

Going against the grain here but I’m leaving my 17yo DS in half term and I left him alone last year at 16.

My neighbours were aware and my mum popped in a few times. No issues.

AthWat · 15/05/2025 09:38

Leaving aside the "they'll have a party" stuff - obviously not all kids would do this and you know yours - then I think a 17 year old, absolutely fine as 17 year olds can legally live independently, but a 15 year old no.

I would let the 17 year old stay in the house, tell the 15 year old to stay at his father's, as that's already arranged, and then let the father make the decision on how much time the 15 year old spends at your house during the two weeks?

S0j0urn4r · 15/05/2025 09:39

Just stick to your original plan and take their keys. Assuming dad is a competent parent.

Rewis · 15/05/2025 09:40

If they are sensible and used to being home alone. And they have someone check in on them (daily or every other day).