Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

[Springhare76]

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

No

At 17 my parents went away. I threw a week long party, wrecked the kitchen and got into trouble with the neighbours and the police. My parents thought they could trust me but “friends” kept turning up and I couldn’t say no because I was easily controllable and it all got out of hand.

I take full responsibility and severely regret it, obviously. I was a nightmare when I was a teenager, despite having amazing parents.

Only you know your kids. Only you know whether you can trust them or not. Would I do it? Probably not, based upon the things I got up to.

No wonder so many young people are absolutely useless and not able for the real world. One poster actually said they wouldn't leave their children overnight until they are 18. That is just batshit crazy.

You are all doing your children a disservice and not helping them.

For those talking about parties and houses getting trashed, get a ring doorbell. Any hassle and ring the police. It's easy.

Shocked by some of the replies.

We left then overnight at 14 and 16 as had to get eldest to Uni - not my first choice but it was fine.

Left them two nights for trip for us at 15 and 17 - nothing bad happened then either - no parties no disasters.

I think a weeks a bit long - but they are supposed to be with their Dad so insist they stay there at night at least even if they slip back durring the day or if party a real risk say they are stopping at their dads - it's a week they can cope for a week- or coming with you and take their keys like a PP suggested.

I think no.

my kids are the same age and I wouldn’t leave them.

At their age, I had a massive house party when my parents went away and it all got a bit out of control. And with social media nowadays party ‘invites’ spread like wild fire.

My kids were brought up to be independent from me. Surely that’s the aim for every parent. They could cook, clean and do their own washing as teens.

Maybe a better question ❓ is it ok for your children to accept that you should go on a holiday with their stepdad!?
If the children have been brought up with a good respectful attitude and are
Mature enough to be left.
Enjoy your holiday.

My mum and dad left me to go on holiday when I was 17 and 18 whilst I was in college. Both for a week. I studied for exams, looked after the dogs and did a few visits to my grandad / took him his chippy and tripe whilst he was in a care home.

I had friends stay here and there because I felt odd alone.

Depends on the kids really and their dad checking in. I would imagine the 27 year old might want to go off and do their own thing, I don't think its ok to leave a 15 year old.

Theres lots of safety measures you can put in place, like doorbell cameras and neighbours to check in. It is your choice at the end of the day

Please do not risk this. The biggest risk to your children is un- wanted or uninvited guests, especially if word spreads that they are alone. It does not matter how responsible your kids are, it could easily get out of their control.

Definitely depends on the child. I left mine at 16 as he didn't want to come away with us. He is very sensible though. My daughter was 18, she wasn't so sensible.

obviously depends on the kids. I wouldn’t.

I don't see a problem... I have and would again. I presume their Dad is about if they have any problems and you trust them. I am amazed at how many people on here wouldn't to be honest, I would have huge concerns that a 17 and 15 year old COULDN'T be left responsible for a few days at their request to manage themselves, cook, tidy up and lock up a house.. if not now when?

You know ur kids best. There's kids that age that I would leave (including mine),but also kids that age that I wouldnt trust to leave such as my niece and nephew. All kids are different, if you think your kids will be OK then do it, plus their other responsible adult is only 10mins away.

I think keep banging on about hoards of kids turning up for a party, is scaremongering.

I have teenage boys and no way - too long, too young and just no! Give them the choice - stay with your dad or come with us. Yes if they are staying with their dad they may want to hang out at home and he'll barely see them, but the difference is he is responsible for them not 2 children looking after each other. Seems a shame they won't come - can you book a couple of enticing activities they might enjoy - boat trip, some sporting activities, offer to hire bikes?

I mentioned it because it actually happened to me.

I would do this but my oldest child would never have a party (hates mess and doesn't drink) so I'm safe in this regard, and my ex-husband lives just down the road anyway.

I probably wouldn't if there's a risk your house will get trashed - send them to stay with grandparents/dad, or have a relative keep an eye on them. I had a massive party when my parents left me alone to go on holiday when I was 16. TBF managed to clean up pretty successfully but my mum still guessed what had happened as I'd locked all the plants and everything valuable into the spare room, then couldn't remember where everything went when I came to take it out again!

It definitely happens! I've picked my son up from parties where that has happened!

Definitely never. I have 12/8 year olds so maybe it will change in my mind when they're this age but I clearly remember being 15 and 17 and there's no chance I'd have taken care of my home if left to my own devices for a week. I remember the parties some of my friends had at that age...!

Can their dad or another relative stay at your place with them so they can be at home but have someone to make sure they don't do anything dangerous? It's actually both a trust issue and a safety issue as if the 17 year old goes out with his friends or anything and something happens, you're leaving a 15 year old in charge.

Well, it happened to us when we stayed away overnight.
We were only gone for twelve hours but came back to an indescribable mess and lots of damage.

The 15 year old that’s currently in my care is in their second week of GCSEs!

We are leaving our 17 year old (1 week off being 18) and almost 15 year old for 4 nights.
The youngest will be staying with grandparents for the last 2.
They are trustworthy. Know the neighbours well and know what to do in an emergency.
The eldest will be going to Uni 3 months later. I have every confidence they will be fine.
I was left alone at 17 for 2 weeks.
You know your own kids. I wouldn't take advice from strangers, trust your gut.

Well then why do they get the choice to cancel for everyone if they already agreed to come? Maybe the 17 year old gets a vote but the 15 year old is still a child and you could just... bring him? He can hang out at the hotel if he doesn't want to go exploring with you.

At 15 I was often left while my parents went away. I first went youth hosteling with friends at 14 and we were away for 9 days. At 16 I had left home and was living independently without anyone keeping an eye on me. I wasn't from a neglectful background, far from it, my parents believed in allowing me independence and because I had that from a young age I was responsible.

I'd have been happy to leave mine at those ages. They are responsible, and have been getting a train and then doing a 20 minute walk to school from the age of 11. My youngest was left for 15 minutes every morning from the age of 9 while I dropped the older one at the station. They were both were allowed to get the train into town and meet up with friends to go shopping or buy themselves lunch from 12. They know how to make themselves a meal, lock up the house, put a wash on, tidy up after themselves, look after the dog, use public transport etc. They'd also not do anything as stupid as hold a party.

So it depends on the child really, but I do think it's doing young people a great disservice not to allow them phased independence from a relatively young age. It makes things like going to university that much more challenging for them and they are more likely to do something stupid as they haven't learnt how to manage from an age where they still had a little bit of fear.

OP if you've never left them before I'd say no because they probably aren't that streetwise. If they are used to managing by themselves for shorter periods of time they'll be fine.

The internet (MSN messenger and MySpace) were to blame for my situation, so these days with all the social media stuff it must get event more out of control, very quickly!