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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

667 replies

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

OP posts:
Happyholidays78 · 15/05/2025 09:11

I've left my son aged 17 home alone for 4 nights (started with 1 night away then we've built this up over the last year) for the same reasons, he does not want to always come away with his mum & dad. He's been fine & loves it! BUT he's really not the type to have a party. My friends son had a party with just a few friends when she was away, it spread (via social media I think) & it ended up with 40 + kid's trashing the house & Police being called. Depends on your kid's really 🤔

FortyElephants · 15/05/2025 09:13

polarsystem · 15/05/2025 08:08

I’m speaking from my own experience here as stated. Granted my mother left us kids from younger but, we definitely resent her now. Perhaps I as a little harsh on the op.

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It's easy to project. I've left my 17yo at home for a few days several times since he was 16. He's always had the option to come away with us or stay with his dad but he chooses to stay home. Frankly if he resented me for having a holiday that he could have come on but chose not to I'd be quite concerned about his level of entitlement and selfishness.

Madremia6 · 15/05/2025 09:13

If they are responsible and you trust them then why not? I moved out at 17 and we had my brother (15) live with us for a time .. if the dad is close by maybe he could help out ?

madaboutpurple · 15/05/2025 09:14

Would you be able to ask a relative to stay at your place for the duration. If not I would not let teenagers be in charge. Like others have said some houses have been wrecked due to all and sundry turning up at a party.

Original poster
Springhare76 · 15/05/2025 09:14

Ihmppmmwtbwote · 15/05/2025 06:26

I wouldn't leave a 17yo in charge of a 15yo. That is completely unfair.

Do either of them have exams this year? I think it's really unfair to leave your child right in the middle of their gcses or A levels with the amount of stress they comes with. They need a parent there with them emotionally as well as physically.

No, of course neither of them have exams, good grief! I definitely wouldn't go away if they were. They are year 12 and year 10. Part of the reason for going now is that we couldn't go in May half term last year due to DS1's GCSEs and won't be able to go May half term next year due to the double whammy of GCSEs and A-levels.

OP posts:
snickersbarchild · 15/05/2025 09:15

Digestive28 · 14/05/2025 23:21

Is their dad a responsible parent - if not staying with them will he check in on them, maybe cook a meal to make sure they have eaten, put a wash on etc. without having a “safe adult” to keep an eye out I think that length of time is too long.

Agree with this. Unless there is a responsible adult who can pop in and keep an eye on them both, and that they could call if there is an issue I wouldn't risk it.

FortyElephants · 15/05/2025 09:15

Squareroot · 15/05/2025 08:09

I haven’t read the entire thread but what happens when the small gathering one night becomes a big party, the police get called & ask where the parents are? The boys’ father can’t be found & your overseas… shudder. I just don’t think you’d genuinely be able to relax. The fact you’re posting this dilemma on here says it all

It's only on mumsnet where all teenagers have vast networks of other teenagers they know who would immediately descend on the house for a wild party on hearing the parents are away. Meanwhile in the real world most teenagers are perfectly capable of not throwing parties if they don't want to.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/05/2025 09:15

My parents used to go on holiday when I was a teenager. Had some amazing parties.

MiddleAgedDread · 15/05/2025 09:17

I would a 17yr old but not with the 15yr old as well. A 17yr old could be going to university in a few months time so i think that's fine.

summerscomingsoon · 15/05/2025 09:17

No way. When I read the first line I though you were leaving them for 1 night. My Ds is nearly 16 and I was consdiering leaving him overnight 6 months ago but decided against it. Now he is 2 months shy of 16 and more mature plus his father lives nearby I am leaving him for 1 night.

No bloody way would I leave him for a week and go abroad.

Orangepeony · 15/05/2025 09:17

Oystersandchampagne · 14/05/2025 23:53

A friend left her teenagers at home in Brighton many years ago . Her husband was very well known nationally and their house was absolutely destroyed,it made the headlines in national newspapers…just don’t take the risk !!!

I know exactly who you’re talking about! It was all over the Daily Mail

fiorentina · 15/05/2025 09:18

My parents left my sister and I at exactly those ages and I didn’t have another parent to keep an eye on us. We were fine, we had friends over but no massive party, got on with our lives. However I know times have changed and maybe people don’t know.
Will their dad organise for them to do things together or will they be doing their own thing there anyway?

Butchyrestingface · 15/05/2025 09:19

My mum went off on holiday for a week and left me at 17. No younger kids to look after though and she knew there was hee haw chance I'd be having a party. Wouldn't leave any teenager I thought would be partying in my absence.

Doitrightnow · 15/05/2025 09:20

Depends on the child. I flew myself to Germany at 15 and went to Paris for a week at 17, I'd have been offered to think I couldn't sort myself out at home for 6 days. But I was a very socially boring teenager who didn't like parties, so no risk of that.

XiCi · 15/05/2025 09:21

Based on what me and my siblings got up to when my mum left us at 15 and 17 that's a definite NO. Any my parents would have also described us as mature and sensible. Little did they know. Your sons will have already planned the party. DH friends left their 17year old dd at home last year and what she thought would be a small party got completely out of hand when more and more people turned up. She had to call the Police. House was trashed and items stolen. The clean up cost a fortune

They'd be staying at the dads as planned and I'd be taking the keys with me

Ellephanting · 15/05/2025 09:22

HeySugarSugar · 15/05/2025 07:26

They won’t resent you 😂. My kids are delighted and love the independence. MN gets more batshit by the day 😄.

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This ^

Calliopespa · 15/05/2025 09:23

Happyholidays78 · 15/05/2025 09:11

I've left my son aged 17 home alone for 4 nights (started with 1 night away then we've built this up over the last year) for the same reasons, he does not want to always come away with his mum & dad. He's been fine & loves it! BUT he's really not the type to have a party. My friends son had a party with just a few friends when she was away, it spread (via social media I think) & it ended up with 40 + kid's trashing the house & Police being called. Depends on your kid's really 🤔

Or on the kids who know they are home alone …

XiCi · 15/05/2025 09:23

And for everyone saying I flew to the moon at 14 or they will be going to Uni at 18, that has absolutely no bearing whatsoever on whether you'd have a party at your parents while they were away, and no bearing whatsoever on whether said party may get out of hand

TooGoodToGoto · 15/05/2025 09:24

CoralOP · 15/05/2025 08:53

I agree, its like when the clock ticks might night on their 18th birthday suddenly they are old enough to do all these things that 5 days earlier they couldn't possibly do.

I worked in HR and the young people who didnt have any responsibility were worlds apart from the ones that had been given room to grow.

It's good to see more balanced logical advice coming through aswell as the 'absolutely not how can you even think of that' crowd.

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Ones 15 though, that’s a lot of clock ticking……

HScully · 15/05/2025 09:24

Just tell them its not an option. The choice was come with you or stay with Dad. They don't want to come with you so Dads it is. Its only 6 days surely they can stay with Dad for 6 days

Holidayscoming · 15/05/2025 09:26

We left 17 and 14 dds alone for 4 days; however they are very sensible and self sufficient.

DD1 has already stayed alone a few times in the last year as she is studying for A levels. DD2 we do take with us apart from that time we left them both at home. DD1 doesn’t like big parties, just meeting with a few friends. I am 100 percent sure she has not had any parties, just love the house for herself

Cognacsoft · 15/05/2025 09:26

They either go with you or you remove their keys and drop them at their dad's.

XiCi · 15/05/2025 09:26

FortyElephants · 15/05/2025 09:15

It's only on mumsnet where all teenagers have vast networks of other teenagers they know who would immediately descend on the house for a wild party on hearing the parents are away. Meanwhile in the real world most teenagers are perfectly capable of not throwing parties if they don't want to.

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This is a joke post right? 🤣🤣🤣

Kreepture · 15/05/2025 09:27

Absolutely not.

I'm 44 now and me and my older brother were 18 and 15 when my mom and dad left us for the first time.. thinking we were old enough to be fiiiine.

my brother had a suicidal episode after his GF dumped him while they were away, and I, at 15, had to do my best to handle it with his GF's mum on the end of the phone because i couldn't get my parents.
It was in the middle of my GCSE's and i had a breakdown not long after.

I have never forgiven him or them for doing that to me.

edited to add: It isn't just about how responsible the 17yo is, its about how mature enough is the 15yo if something goes wrong, and how either of them would survive and cope in a crisis.

I "coped" but it left me traumatised.

Calliopespa · 15/05/2025 09:27

MiddleAgedDread · 15/05/2025 09:17

I would a 17yr old but not with the 15yr old as well. A 17yr old could be going to university in a few months time so i think that's fine.

I think these references to 17 year olds going to uni is slightly missing the point.

Of course they can feed themselves, dress themselves, use the loo etc in their parents absence.

Its the lure of a free house-sized venue with plenty of beds for shagging and sofas to vomit on. And it doesn’t have to be the op’s Dc; it’s anyone who gets told by anyone who knows who thinks a house party might be fun.