Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

[Springhare76]

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

You just don't get the point, do you? You started a thread and we thought you were genuinely asking for advice. Perhaps you were and all who think you are making a rod for your own back have missed the point.

You want to go on holiday without your DSs. Why? What sort of holiday are you wanting to take which doesn't involve your family? Don't you think that having produced a family, you are responsible for them?

Perhaps you can live with yourself if anything happens to them while you are away? You say their father lives nearby. You divorced him and have custody of the children: now you are happy to leave them and expect the father you divorced to care for them? Are you sure he can? Are you sure he wants to? Are you making him responsible if your house trashed and your boys gone. because other teens discovered you had left your house unattended and your children alone and vulnerable?

You may be confident about your DSs ability to cope: are they confident? You give them no choice. What you are saying to them, as well, is that they should learn to defend themselves if intruders break in. Why should they?

THEY ARE MINORS. You are in loco parentis. That means while they live with you you are responsible for their safety. Even if you leave them to come home after school to an empty house, you are responsible. If something happens to them, and the house, you have mitigating reasons which might help you, but you are still responsible.

How much more if you leave them alone for a week?

You want us all to agree and say 'go away on your own for a week. What a splendid idea, and we hope you have a fantastic holiday', but we won't all do that, because we would never leave our minor children exposed to danger.

I would with their dad close by but I get along with their dad still, and he wouldn’t let them wreck the house as he still co owned it at that age!!!

Oh you sound completely hysterical.

The teenagers don’t even want to go on holiday with them.

What happens when the 17 year old becomes an 18 year old adult? Still not ok to leave or does something magical happen at midnight on their 18th birthday…

because we would never leave our minor children exposed to danger. (as in, coming home alone after school. At 17. )

I don't know if it's reassuring or frightening that all the 15 yo boys I know are a lot more mature and responsible than this poster😂

Dare I ask *llizzie *your teens handle taking the tube or public transport alone?

Are you speaking on behalf of the OP, or just butting in?

I speak largely from experience and that of others. Anything can happen to children left to themselves. As I said before, knife crime is increasing. If children can kill each other in broad daylight, what can they do behind locked doors, to children left on their own for a week. They are minors. They are not your children. You did not start the thread.

Why not leave the OP to respond?

Are you speaking for her, or just ignorant of what can happen to children if you leave them on their own?

it's a public forum, not a private conversation, I don't need to speak on behalf of anyone, I am asking you a direct question.

I have seen too many posts on this thread which seem to suggest that it is perfectly OK to leave two minor children on their own for a week.

Perhaps the thread should be ended before children's' charities end it and take action.

in case you missed it...

the "children" are 15 and 17. Not 3 and 5 😂

It depends on how you do it.

It is a public forum, yes, but there are also organisations who are protecting minor children from what can happen to them if left alone for a week.

Child safety is involved. If the children were 18/19 they can be left, but it is wrong to leave minor children exposed to unknown danger in being left in these circumstances. They may be old enough to work, old enough to babysit for an evening, but to think they are old enough to be responsible for their safety against the unknown, and responsible to safeguard their parent's home and possessions is grossly unfair, and if you cannot see that, I feel sorry for you.

The 'children' are MINORS.

Don't you know what that means? Why should they be accountable for their safety and the safety of the house and contents?

The trouble with the world today is that we expect too much of the young people. They are not adults. They cannot defend themselves.

If they are left alone, there are others who know that, and it is those ;others' who are a danger to the MINOR children left to fend for themselves for a week.

God help them if the holiday is abroad.

God help them if the parent has an accident.

So it's the house and its content you are actually worried about?

old enough to babysit for an evening but not old enough for the safety of the house and contents?

What's a baby or toddler compared to your tv? Priorities hey 😂😂😂

The trouble with the world today is that we expect too much of the young people.
Let me reassure you, you certainly don't. At an age where some are sent to war, you are worried about the safety of your crockery.

None of this is helpful to the OP, but it's classic.

Children are children until they are 18, when they are considered adults.

I hope one of the organisations protecting children are monitoring this thread and the posters on it who are happy to leave teens on their own for a week.

They are hopefully in a position to uncover anonymity and find out who those who do not consider protecting children, actually are, and do something about their ability to influence others.

All social media site managers are responsible for the influence posters have on others.

Even the new law against social media does not stop people posting comments detrimental to the children.

How secure do you think children - ie minors under 18 - when they are left to defend themselves?

It is only 'classic' to those who are of a certain type of person, who do not have regard for the health and safety of minors.

I advise you say no more.

But I would for you to explain how a 17 year old is unsafe, but a day later on his 18th birthday he's now safe?

Joke aside, if you are raising children with that level of hysteria, you are very unsafe for them. It's not healthy or remotely reasonable to try to push so much panic and be so overly dramatic, and refuse to prepare your children to the real world.

Imagine the face of your local police if they get a call from you every time a 17 yo comes home from school alone. Which is most 17 years old, every day of the week...

That is being pedantic. That is what the law says, but if a day after he turns 18 someone attacks him, what then?

Is it helpful to be so hypothetical?

I am glad that none of my posts are in favour of leaving minor children on their own, and I question the motives of those who think it is OK to do that.

You’re acting like they are about 5 though…. 15 and 17 year olds will be by themselves a lot. Many 17 year olds travel abroad. Then move away to uni at 18…when they are adults.
Do you think they should be supervised at all times? Never go out alone?

You are not making any sense claiming a 15 and a 17 year old are not safe in a locked house..

Exactly.

How will 18 year olds cope as adults if they haven't been allowed to grow up and develop independence skills? Maturity isn't something that just comes with age, it's a skill you develop through practice and increasing responsibility. You need to start that process long before 18 to prepare them for adulthood.

@llizzie

Do you actually have children? Because if you do… wow, they’re being failed. These are not children. They are young adults. And if they don’t learn then they will be actual adults with no clue about life.

I run a business and I have parents of 18/19 year olds calling up to apply for jobs for them, because they can’t possibly apply themselves, the poor dears. Kids need to learn to grow up.

How old are your DC?

more to the point, how old are YOURS?

As an adult I would phone the police if people burst into my home and attacked me. They wouldn't get away with it.

If teens alone for a week opened the door to friends, who let more in, what would you advise them to do?