Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

[Springhare76]

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

No! They’ve clearly already planned the house party. Stay at home and do their own thing 😂😂 I bet.

I was left alone for a week at 14/15 because I didn't want to go on holiday, was completely normal then. I was allowed friends around (my parents had 4 kids and all our friends were always welcome, to the point I'm my dad and step mum get invited to our friends weddings etc) but wouldn't have dared have a party, I couldn't have coped with the anxiety! The house was always clean and tidy when my parents returned. Being lulled into a false sense of security my parents let my younger siblings do the same at 15 and they did have parties and the house was a tip, though this was pre social media and nothing was trashed. So long-winded way of saying it really depends on your kids!

My parents (both teachers) would go away for 5-6 weeks over the summer and my sister (1 year older) and I would choose to stay at home at this sort of age. Yes we had people over but we cleaned up the mess😂
Maybe send dad over to check on them if you’re worried but if he’s 10 mins away and they know they call call him in an emergency, I’d say why not if you trust them to take care of themselves.

No they haven't already planned a party.

15 year old is about as clean living as you can get, massively into sport, never touched alcohol and his friends are the same. 17 year old has drunk a few times in his life. Them getting drunk/having a party is not top of my concerns.

I am not asking DS1 to be responsible for DS2 at all. If anything, DS2 is way more responsible. Their dad is 10 minutes away and will be responsible for looking after them. I am just addressing the reality that they may well decide to come back and stay here whilst we are away and I want to let them do that/not lock them out of their own house.

Rude.

Because their dad is my ex-husband who I don't get on with and for obvious reasons my husband and I don't want him staying in our house!

So are you

You cannot hold your ex to be responsible for the children if they are not in the same building. That sounds like an excuse to blame him for any problems.

Oh goodness, how childish. If this is how you respond to my comment - and you WERE rude, calling a respondent an idiot - there is no hope for your children.

You can't insult someone and then complain they are answering back?

The poster was goady, and ridiculous. What kind of kids these people raise that they think they will trash the house the minute they are alone?

If they are staying with him then yes, he is responsible for them you clown!

Do go away and annoy someone else. There always has to be one person who is a pain. Every other comment is helpful and helping me make a decision apart from yours.

My post was not really aimed at your particular situation, but at someone who was arguing that because there is no law against leaving 15 year olds alone, you can't be held responsible for anything that goes wrong if you do. That's just wrong, and you can.

However, your initial post said you felt there is a "moderate" risk of the 17 year old having a party, but you trust him to be sensible. For me, that's too much. When mine were that age I'd have said the risk was virtually zero if they agreed not to, and I would tell them no parties or gatherings of any type. The risk is that if he has what he intends to be a quiet "party" then it can absolutely get out of hand against his will. But if you tell him have a friend or 2 over by all means, but no more than that, and if he agrees to that and you trust him, no problems.
Frankly a 17 year old would have to be very dishonest and stupid to have any sort of party if you sat him down beforehand and told him no parties, its incredibly important you stick to it because even the smallest parties can get out of hand and cost us a great deal of money, and if you don't the consequences will be extremely severe. It surprises me how many people wouldn't trust their kids to listen to that.

It's incredible isn't it? So many people stating as a fait accompli that teenagers will hold parties the moment you leave the house, despite (presumably) you having talked to them at length about it and got a promise it won't happen. The lack of trust in a 17 year old is breathtaking. These kids will be adults next year.

You go on a public forum and then call somebody an idiot when you don't agree with them
And don't call me stupid when all your comments are suggesting your children will NOT spend time with their father.
Rather than try and pick fights with me, I suggest you take a good hard look at yourself as a 'mother' because you clearly have issues.

We can’t possibly know if your kids are sensible enough or mature enough for this.

if you do then you set out the ground rules and consequences in advance.

DS 16 has stayed for 2 nights alone. He's not a problem. We have a ring doorbell, he texts regularly and is sensible.
He had one friend stay a night, they ordered takeaway etc.
He's 17 soon had the option to holiday or not.
If he chose not his grandparents live 6 minutes away and we're happy to provide support with any needs

I was a mum at 17, living in my own house with my partner, both working a full time job, so not all 17 year olds are useless.