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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

667 replies

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

OP posts:
BCBird · 15/05/2025 20:54

Nope

thismummydrinksgin · 15/05/2025 20:57

they stay with their Dad, and he parents them!

Pherian · 15/05/2025 21:51

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

Let us s know what state your house is in when you get home 🫣

JRM17 · 15/05/2025 21:56

Legally yes of course you can. But you know your children, will they argue, will they respect your rules, will they eat proper meals and bathe lol. As long as they have an emergency contact who's local I really don't see the issue.

AthWat · 15/05/2025 21:59

KoalaKoKo · 15/05/2025 13:24

Could you just say that their choices are limited to staying at their dad’s house or coming with you but no in between option? If they do stay get a ring camera and a few cameras for the communal spaces in the house (video only halls, kitchen). A 17 year old will have a party and 18-20 years olds will likely be there - your 15 year old could very well end up getting with a 20 year old or being exposed to drink and drugs. I threw lots of “small” parties or gatherings in my teens that got out of control because word of mouth spreads when there is a parent free house - I told people no spirits etc but no one listened. At one small gathering two “friends of friends” one who was about 14 and the other about 19 were undressing in my bedroom so I got guys to kick them out - older guy was really aggressive about being kicked out and didn’t see what the issue was. But that is the danger some friends bring older people, some bring younger people and suddenly there is statutory rape under your roof! Back then the worst drug would be weed buy now people have access to much harder drugs.

" A 17 year old will have a party... "

I mean, no. I can prove this statement wrong simply by knowing of cases where 17 year olds have not had parties, which I do.

Some 17 year olds will have parties. Please don't judge every 17 year old as identical. There's plenty who are not both liars and stupid, both of which things a 17 year old would have to be to hold a party in their house after agreeing not to.

MaryGreenhill · 15/05/2025 22:07

In a word NO

Bumply · 15/05/2025 22:11

I left ds2 alone aged 15 when I went on long weekend abroad.

we lived in flats so any emergency he could have contacted a neighbour, and his Dad and Ds1 were an hour away if he needed help.

he wasn’t the sort to have a party.

the only traumatic thing that happened was the gerbils getting loose and I had to give him tips on how to coax them back

Franpie · 15/05/2025 22:52

Springhare76 · 15/05/2025 18:38

Ok so both kids are very confident, streetwise and self sufficient although both are quite messy and probably won't clear up after themselves. DS2 will most definitely not want or expect DS1 to look after him - if anything DS2 is more mature than DS1. I work full time so they are used to being in the house alone, ordering Deliveroo, going shopping if need be etc. We live in a terraced house in London with lots of friends locally and we know the neighbours either side and opposite in case there was an emergency. I am not overly worried about a massive party as I think they are both fairly sensible but am more worried about one of them leaving the hob on and just the general feeling that I am jetting off and leaving them alone! That said DS1 has been saying for ages he wants to stay home alone, why don't I trust him etc. DS2 has back to back football commitments with friends to keep him busy. We did go away before and I asked my mother to come which was pointless and actually did more harm than good as they came and went as they wanted, didn't eat anything she cooked (so she gave up) and she ended up breaking a few things around the house as she didn't know how they worked, so not doing that again (nor would she agree to come).

In that case I would leave them. The only thing stopping me is I know my DD17 would have a party or 2.

If you do leave them please update how it went and whether your house was still standing on your return!

smallstitch · 16/05/2025 07:31

I wouldn’t.
I’d spend the whole holiday worrying about the potential parties/mess I’d be coming home to and I wouldn’t relax.
I’d make sure they pack everything they need for their dads and take the keys off them for the week.

Delatron · 16/05/2025 07:38

But why would they have a party at 17 and not at 18? Where is this magic line drawn? We left our 16 year old for a few nights and he did not have a party. Nothing bad happened. It depends on the child but at 17 they can go abroad by themselves they are probably about to go off to uni and live alone.

Something has gone wrong with your parenting if you can’t leave a 17 year old home alone (15 is a separate issue and would depend how responsible the 17 year old was and what the 15 year old is like).

FundaMental42 · 16/05/2025 07:38

blacksantanapkin · 14/05/2025 23:37

At 17 you should be capable of living independently surely? My best friend moved out at 16 to a bedsit then had her own flat at 17. It didn’t seem strange or like she was too young.

I guess only you know your individual child though. If you’re worried about parties then I wouldn’t.

This. Surely you know your own kids and they should be fairly independent by this age. My dd is 14 and is adamant she will not come with us on our next hol. I’m fine with it. She is incredibly independent and this will be good preparation for her to develop that independence further in readiness for adult life. Plus it will make our hol a lot less angsty. I really think you know your own children better than a stranger on MN.

Delatron · 16/05/2025 07:40

Based on your update I would go. There’s plenty of neighbours around. I was worried about the hob too. But they remembered to turn it off and I think only cooked once. I kept in touch and kept reminding them to turn things off, lock the door etc. It’s good practice.

Tormundsbeard · 16/05/2025 10:35

Delatron · 16/05/2025 07:40

Based on your update I would go. There’s plenty of neighbours around. I was worried about the hob too. But they remembered to turn it off and I think only cooked once. I kept in touch and kept reminding them to turn things off, lock the door etc. It’s good practice.

Agree with this.
i was left back in 80s in what would have been Year 12 as I didn’t want to go on family hol and we had an elderly dog so I stayed home alone and looked after the dog so he didn’t have to go into kennels.
i am surprised at the strength of feeling against on this thread.

You need to give kids some independence and trust surely?

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 16/05/2025 11:44

polarsystem · 15/05/2025 07:16

wow, not a lot shocks me but, this has. Leaving a 17 and 15 year old alone to fend for themselves so you can go off on holiday with your bf is crazy. From experience, they will resent you in later life if you do this.

You sound dramatic. That’s your experience and there were probably issues going on, why on earth would you resent a parent as an adult because of it? Seems like you really need to get over it.

Youstolemygoddamnhouse · 16/05/2025 11:46

AthWat · 15/05/2025 21:59

" A 17 year old will have a party... "

I mean, no. I can prove this statement wrong simply by knowing of cases where 17 year olds have not had parties, which I do.

Some 17 year olds will have parties. Please don't judge every 17 year old as identical. There's plenty who are not both liars and stupid, both of which things a 17 year old would have to be to hold a party in their house after agreeing not to.

Show quote history

This. Like where is the evidence all 17 year olds do this? A pretty ridiculous claim to throw out there.

cardboardvillage · 16/05/2025 18:01

yes. But tell their Dad he’s responsible for them during that time

cardboardvillage · 16/05/2025 18:02

I think i was 16 when i stayed home

didn’t have a party but friends stayed and hung out

cardboardvillage · 16/05/2025 18:06

Delatron · 15/05/2025 20:25

I went abroad with a friend for a week at 17. As I’m sure many did…

Ditto

Magaluf! Had the time of my life

Pokotho · 16/05/2025 18:23

I was left alone at 17 for a week and genuinely loved it - however I was a good, quiet kid who absolutely didn't have parties and had a good grasp on cooking already so bear that in mind 🤣

sunnymummy238 · 16/05/2025 18:36

It completely depends what kind of people they are. I went to Australia for 2 weeks to see a dying relative when my daughters were 13 and 15. After I’d left they decided not to stay with their dad, as arranged, and stayed home alone. I was really upset but I couldn’t do anything from that distance. When I returned the house was immaculate and they’d baked me a cake.

BirthdeighParteigh · 16/05/2025 18:42

They’ll be just fine. Your house, however, is a different story.

Zoec1975 · 16/05/2025 18:44

Absolutely not.you don’t have much longer until they can be left.for my 50 birthday a holiday treat mine are coming with me

londongirl12 · 16/05/2025 19:00

Can’t they stay at their dads, but still be allowed to pop home? But they sleep at their dads?

Jack80 · 16/05/2025 19:20

I would say it depends on your children.

GiveDogBone · 16/05/2025 19:26

If they are responsible, well parented kids, then no problem. But be very clear on the rules, e.g. max number of friends they can have round, if any, etc. Make it clear that when they rent / own their own place they can set the rules, but until then they follow yours.