Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

667 replies

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

OP posts:
Smelltherain · 15/05/2025 12:25

I lived on my own for a year at the age of 16 , moved for further education. Then married young and started a family. I was absolutely fine. . You know your own children and if they would be OK , safe and responsible enough.

MrsWallers · 15/05/2025 12:25

I wouldnt leave my older DS to be responsible for my younger DS at those ages, its really unfair
They dont have the maturity or responsibility at those ages
What if they become ill or have an accident?
Just because our parents did it back in the 80's doesnt make it right, it was just wrong and negelctful

Smurfette63 · 15/05/2025 12:28

I left my 2 for a week at that age, 1 g 1 b, got home to find a clean tidy house, nothing missing or out of place and no complaints from neighbours. If you trust them then I can't see anything wrong. Especially if Dad is only 10mins away if there's advise needed.

DraigCymraeg · 15/05/2025 12:31

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

Whilst I'm sure your children are lovely. No, no, no.
Some posters have suggested they stay at their Father's at night, and spend the day at home. No, no, no.
They can have a party in the daytime for crying out loud.
Your children could be the most well behaved in the world.
It only takes one 'friend' who will spread the word to one or two. Then they tell THEIR friends.
No, no, no.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 15/05/2025 12:31

MrsWallers · 15/05/2025 12:25

I wouldnt leave my older DS to be responsible for my younger DS at those ages, its really unfair
They dont have the maturity or responsibility at those ages
What if they become ill or have an accident?
Just because our parents did it back in the 80's doesnt make it right, it was just wrong and negelctful

I think it's parents who have not prepared their children for such eventuality who are neglectful.

They also have shockingly low standards if they think a 15 year old is, usually, mature enough.

ERthree · 15/05/2025 12:32

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/05/2025 12:12

I was left home alone for two weeks when I was 14. My parents went to India for a month - they didn't give it a second thought. My elder siblings were not around for more than 2 weeks so I was left to my own devices for a while. I loved it. It was great! I was a good kid and went to school and no parties. The NDN however was dying to dob in my parents..😁

I was left at 14 too. I was absolutely fine because i had been raised to know the difference between right and wrong and to take responsibility for my actions. I wasn't treated like a baby after i was was no longer a baby. I was encouraged to be independent. I worked in my family business from an early age and i mean from 4 i "helped" . At the age of 13 i realised i could make more money than working for my dad so i got a Saturday/ holiday job. Maybe we molly coddle our children too much.

FloppySarnie · 15/05/2025 12:34

I’d leave a 17 year old for a week but not a 15 year old. My parents went away when I was 17 but I was an extremely sensible child!

Delphiniumandlupins · 15/05/2025 12:41

In some situations I would say yes, although a week is a long time. But it depends on the young people. If you are not confident that any rules you agree will be followed then don't leave them. "Having friends over" can quickly escalate because the friends bring other friends who invite other friends...

indianques · 15/05/2025 12:52

17 y/o, yes.

15y/o, absolutely not.

The older one won't look out for the younger one, so you'd be leaving a child alone. Aside from parties, if anything series occurred you could be doing jail time.

Sheldon4k · 15/05/2025 12:54

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:52

Thanks all. Very helpful. My gut is telling me not to go although it's a shame as we have flights booked as they were supposed to come but we can reschedule.

Im confused and may have missed something, but i thought arrangements had already been made for them to stay at their dads. Stick with that if they don't want to come ( you have given them the choice). Why should the rest of you miss out?
You can take keys off of them as someone else said and make sure their dad will be ensuring they are coming home to his at night.

On another note. When I went away some years ago I didnt allow my 17 year old to stay home (he stayed at my parents). That holiday whilst we were away we were burgled. Could look at that in 2 ways... would we have been burgled if it had been obvious someone was in the home? Or would he have possibly been in danger had the burglary still happened whilst he was there alone?
We will never know but I'm glad I made the decision for him not to stay for fear that it may have still happened and he would have been hurt in the process ( although he still believes he would have 'sorted them out' if they had tried! 🤦‍♀️)

Blisterinthe · 15/05/2025 12:57

amyds2104 · 15/05/2025 10:04

I have a safeguarding role and I think I have to speak to so many parents whose children are involved in house parties with drink & drugs & fights or sexual assualts etc from as young as 13-18. I think at least 80% of them start by telling me how responsible children they are and they are surprised it has happened. Although legally both your children are still children I would be concerned at a 17 year old being in charge/responsible of a 15 year old too. You know your family though and your support network.

I'm also interested that you have booked a holiday. Your children have decided they are not going. They have also decided they are not going to dads. What have you actually decided as even at 15 and 17 they should not have this level of control over you as their parent so you have to change holiday plans? Seems unfair on your partner and your other child to lose out because your kids have decided they dont want to do something. The children have 2 options come on the holiday or go to their dads surely?

Pretty much all of this.

Thelnebriati · 15/05/2025 12:58

The 17 year old might only mean to invite a few friends for a quiet party, but that could get out of hand very easily, and neither child would be able to manage if a large crowd or older teens turned up. so that would be a hard 'no' from me.

Whattostudy · 15/05/2025 13:03

polarsystem · 15/05/2025 07:16

wow, not a lot shocks me but, this has. Leaving a 17 and 15 year old alone to fend for themselves so you can go off on holiday with your bf is crazy. From experience, they will resent you in later life if you do this.

What a stupid post. Can you not read? OP has stated that they are invited but don't want to come on the holiday with her HUSBAND and their 3 year old sibling. Why would they resent her ffs?

OP I think they would most likely be fine, can you have their Dad check in on them maybe? I wouldn’t miss out on the holiday, worst case scenario I would do as others have said and tell them they have to stay with their dad and take their keys with you.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 15/05/2025 13:05

indianques · 15/05/2025 12:52

17 y/o, yes.

15y/o, absolutely not.

The older one won't look out for the younger one, so you'd be leaving a child alone. Aside from parties, if anything series occurred you could be doing jail time.

All the 15 yo I know would be so unimpressed to be called "children" 😂

Fannyannie · 15/05/2025 13:06

I can think of two teen house parties that got out of hand and the houses were trashed. We allowed house parties but were here.

Would not have contemplated this when my kids were those ages for so many reasons. I can’t believe you would even ask or think to do it.

moose17 · 15/05/2025 13:07

Nooo

user65342 · 15/05/2025 13:13

It depends on the DC in question. I was left alone with my 15 years old DS at 17 years old for several long weekends. There were no parties, the house was cleaned, washing done, everything my DM would have done if she was there and we would have been fine for longer. You know your DC better than anyone else.

Kbroughton · 15/05/2025 13:15

17 year old yes, if they were mature and with lots of rules around it. If they had just truned maybe not, if they were nearly 18 then yes, but obviously depending on the maturity level and whether there were people around to check on them and pop in. i would not leave a 15 year old and in particular I would not leave a 17 year old responsible for the 15 year old.

PurplGirl · 15/05/2025 13:19

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:52

Thanks all. Very helpful. My gut is telling me not to go although it's a shame as we have flights booked as they were supposed to come but we can reschedule.

Why? Just tell them they’re going to their Dad’s as planned abd take their keys off them.

Digdongdoo · 15/05/2025 13:19

Depends on the kids.
But I don't understand why you can't go on holiday. Give them two choices, stay with dad, or come on holiday.

KoalaKoKo · 15/05/2025 13:24

Could you just say that their choices are limited to staying at their dad’s house or coming with you but no in between option? If they do stay get a ring camera and a few cameras for the communal spaces in the house (video only halls, kitchen). A 17 year old will have a party and 18-20 years olds will likely be there - your 15 year old could very well end up getting with a 20 year old or being exposed to drink and drugs. I threw lots of “small” parties or gatherings in my teens that got out of control because word of mouth spreads when there is a parent free house - I told people no spirits etc but no one listened. At one small gathering two “friends of friends” one who was about 14 and the other about 19 were undressing in my bedroom so I got guys to kick them out - older guy was really aggressive about being kicked out and didn’t see what the issue was. But that is the danger some friends bring older people, some bring younger people and suddenly there is statutory rape under your roof! Back then the worst drug would be weed buy now people have access to much harder drugs.

napody · 15/05/2025 13:28

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 14/05/2025 23:39

No way. If you were holidaying in the same country and could drive home in 2-3 hours in an emergency then maybe, but not if you are flying overseas.

Crazy idea.

I agree- and then you could also plant the seed that you might 'need to pop back' for something to keep them on their toes! Abroad: no.

ElizaMulvil · 15/05/2025 13:40

Alan Johnson (Labour MP) aged 9? was brought up by his sister aged 16. His Mum had died. They had a council house I think; otherwise Alan was going to have to go into Care. My grandparents at 17 were expecting their second baby. They were excellent parents btw. How have we got to the situation where we infantalise people of 15 and 17 so they can't be left for a week? Or our relationship with them is so poor that they can't be trusted to behave or take responsibility? At 16 they could be married! Or have the vote. Or in past times be a drummer boy in the thick of battle at a much younger age! (not recommended though).

OliveWah · 15/05/2025 13:56

I would have been ok with leaving my 2 DDs at the same age, but they're both pretty sensible. How about if you give them a few ground rules, and try and get their father to back you up?

  1. Neither DS is allowed to be at the family home any later than 8pm.
  2. No more than 2 visitors each at the family home at a time.
  3. Agree a curfew for when they will need to be home at their father's house each night.
  4. If they cause problems that mean cutting your holiday short, they will be grounded for the summer (or for as long as you can stand - just need to make it really unappealing for them to cause problems!)
StepawayfromtheLindors · 15/05/2025 14:03

ElizaMulvil · 15/05/2025 13:40

Alan Johnson (Labour MP) aged 9? was brought up by his sister aged 16. His Mum had died. They had a council house I think; otherwise Alan was going to have to go into Care. My grandparents at 17 were expecting their second baby. They were excellent parents btw. How have we got to the situation where we infantalise people of 15 and 17 so they can't be left for a week? Or our relationship with them is so poor that they can't be trusted to behave or take responsibility? At 16 they could be married! Or have the vote. Or in past times be a drummer boy in the thick of battle at a much younger age! (not recommended though).

Was this in the good old days when seatbelts were an option, women smoked during pregnancy, a bit of whisky in a baby’s bottle to help it sleep was normal and grandma left the baby in the pram outside the greengrocer?

Oh yes, children were always at the forefront of the health and safety agenda in the golden past 🤦‍♀️