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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

667 replies

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

OP posts:
CatHairEveryWhereNow · 15/05/2025 11:26

Incidentally charites are not always right - government webpages have been citing stonewall wrong interpretationof the law for years and that only just been cleared up.

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:30

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 15/05/2025 11:25

It is guaidnce from a charity - not law - it's their interpation of the law - not the actual law and them being unequivocal doesn't change that.

The actual law allows for paretal discretion and judgement - so you can legally leave an under 16 alone - and many parents can and do with no consquences.

I can see why the government website goes to failry conservative estimates and cites a well know charity as back up - as lets face it some people will always push boundaries - You may not like it but it's allowed legally.

Show quote history

Yes, that's why I said it wasn't the law. Not sure why you think I don't like it.

There's lots of things you can do legally but which you can still be held accountable for civilly and even criminally if something goes wrong and it is deemed you have been negligent. If something is illegal, you can be held accountable for doing it even if nothnig goes wrong.

Jeevesnotwooster · 15/05/2025 11:33

I think you should go. But they either have to sleep at their dad's or the Dad comes over each evening to check on them. Mainly for the 15 year old. The 17 yr old could be living on their own or university or whatever.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 15/05/2025 11:35

It's frightening how some kids must be raised if they can't even be trusted to be left home alone for a few days, because some people seem to believe they are either not ready to survive alone, or because they will trash the place.

Either way, what difference would 1 year actually make?

Do people think a magical fairy will change them at midnight when they turn 18?

How do you expect these kids to manage when they go to Uni?

It's beyond bizarre.

MrsB74 · 15/05/2025 11:35

15 seems a little young to be left for a whole week, as I’m assuming the 17 year old will do his own thing.

Also mine (16 very soon) would never pass up a free sunny holiday, so hard for me to judge. I’m not ready to leave them yet - maybe for a weekend in the next year or so.

I would say to sleep at Dad’s this time, but you know them best. I was left at 17 (with a friend staying) with my uncle checking up on me occasionally. If you were happy with it you wouldn’t have posted.

AnonymousBleep · 15/05/2025 11:36

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:22

You state that very definitely. What's that based on?

I think that you possibly could be held partially responsible, especially if the offending kids couldn't be traced, in that your failure to supervise your 15 year old had led to the situation - not because "you owned the house they had been drinking at".

Do you have case law or something saying different?

Show quote history

It's based on it being the law. I don't know what else to say. Google it?

And no you couldn't be held responsible for what someone did after drinking in your house. If that was the case pubs would be responsible for whatever pissed punters got up to, and obviously they're not. Individual responsibility is a thing, even with kids.

IleftmybaginNewportPagnell · 15/05/2025 11:41

I was going to say, when I was 17 (eldest) I was left at home to look after the dog. All fine. Then when I was 18, was left with sister (16) and dog. When I went out, my sister had a party then disappeared off and I had a trashed house to clear plus trying to locate my sister! Different people 😂 Parents came back before sister so she must’ve known I’d clear it all up. Never said a word!

Paralouise · 15/05/2025 11:41

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

I would personally allow it but set up some CCTV. You can get cheap pet cams on eBay for £20. Tell them you're watching lol.

AleaEim · 15/05/2025 11:42

If they have been raised well of course you can leave them alone. They’re practically adults.

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:43

AnonymousBleep · 15/05/2025 11:36

It's based on it being the law. I don't know what else to say. Google it?

And no you couldn't be held responsible for what someone did after drinking in your house. If that was the case pubs would be responsible for whatever pissed punters got up to, and obviously they're not. Individual responsibility is a thing, even with kids.

Show quote history

What's "the law"? That you can leave 15 year olds alone? Yes, you can, but as I have already said, that doesn't absolve you from all consequences of doing it; it simply means you can't be prosecuted for it if there are no consequences.

You could absolutely be held partially responsible for what 15 year old kids do coming out of your house drunk if you were there and allowing it to happen. If you've left a 15 year old on their own and they have allowed friends and strangers to come over and get drunk, I don't know whether a court would hold that to be contributory negligence on your part. I suspect you don't either.

AnonymousBleep · 15/05/2025 11:47

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:43

What's "the law"? That you can leave 15 year olds alone? Yes, you can, but as I have already said, that doesn't absolve you from all consequences of doing it; it simply means you can't be prosecuted for it if there are no consequences.

You could absolutely be held partially responsible for what 15 year old kids do coming out of your house drunk if you were there and allowing it to happen. If you've left a 15 year old on their own and they have allowed friends and strangers to come over and get drunk, I don't know whether a court would hold that to be contributory negligence on your part. I suspect you don't either.

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You're reaching a bit here.

There is no law about leaving kids of any age unsupervised. Yes, you can obviously be held responsible if they come to harm during that time, but it doesn't really make any difference if they're 7 or 17.

Blackdow · 15/05/2025 11:48

My parents left me and my sibling. Exact ages as yours. Totally fine. I’ll be leaving mine.
You know your kids. Mumsnet is not the place for this question; there was a thread a few years ago with a pile on of mums saying they’d never even let their 15 year old go alone to a cafe.

IleftmybaginNewportPagnell · 15/05/2025 11:55

1SillySossij · 15/05/2025 09:50

I don't know why people keep banging on about being left /leaving kids at 17.The issue is not with the 17 year old. It is about a child under16 being left a week without a parent or responsible adult.

Agree - this is what happened to me. Age 17, with dog, alone for a week and all fine. Age 18, with dog and sister (16) not fine! I worried all the time I was at work because it felt a huge step up in responsibility. She had the party 😂

BrieAndChilli · 15/05/2025 11:57

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:52

Thanks all. Very helpful. My gut is telling me not to go although it's a shame as we have flights booked as they were supposed to come but we can reschedule.

why do you need to cancel your holiday? They have a choice - either go on holiday or go stay with thier dad.

BrieAndChilli · 15/05/2025 12:05

it totally depends on the kids.

We are leaving ours this weekend (2 nights) to go about 2 hours away.

DS1 is 18 and wouldn't break a rule if his life depended on it so I know he will keep the other 2 in line eg no parties etc?
DD is 16 and whilst she does love a party! (we have had some at our house but only when we are home and she sticks to a guest list and her friends always help clean up etc plus half of them dont drink) She is also very sensible, really good with cooking etc and very practical so she can deal with any thing that arises.
DS2 is 14 and as long as he can go on the computer, facetiime his friends and has food in the fridge he is fine! He can cook himself simple meals although the other 2 will probably cook his tea for him. I wouldn't leave him alone over night yet but have no qualms about leaving them all together.

Every child is different so ready to be left alone at different stages, some children probably would never be able to be trusted not to trash the place at 25!!!
We have equipped ours with skills to be able to look after themselves - cooking, first aid etc so feel comfortable leaving them and SIL is not too faraway if needed.

Saying that I wouldnt go abroad for a week and leave them - mostly because we all like going on holiday together!

Jdh172 · 15/05/2025 12:07

I have kids the same age and no way would I consider this. I would be worried about them constantly and couldn't enjoy myself or relax. Anything could happen. Just take them with you. 15 year old is still a child.

Jdh172 · 15/05/2025 12:09

Don't cancel your holiday though. Give them a choice, they go to their dads or come. Lock up the house and put a ring doorbell on so you know the house isn't being used while you are away

thegirlwithemousyhair · 15/05/2025 12:12

I was left home alone for two weeks when I was 14. My parents went to India for a month - they didn't give it a second thought. My elder siblings were not around for more than 2 weeks so I was left to my own devices for a while. I loved it. It was great! I was a good kid and went to school and no parties. The NDN however was dying to dob in my parents..😁

Veganpug · 15/05/2025 12:18

Never
How would you relax knowing you had left 15year old home alone

BrightLeader · 15/05/2025 12:19

I would request that their Dad steps up & comes to your house to watch over them while you are away.

Whitegrenache · 15/05/2025 12:21

I left DD17 and DS14 for 4 days and they were absolutely fine

DD is very very sensible and has great realationship with DS

Shhhhitsmagic · 15/05/2025 12:21

Thinking about what I got up to when I was left alone from age 16, there's absolutely no way I'll be leaving mine alone at that age! 😆
That was way before social media and I still ended up with half the neighbourhood in the house (not something I'm proud of!)

AthWat · 15/05/2025 12:22

AnonymousBleep · 15/05/2025 11:47

You're reaching a bit here.

There is no law about leaving kids of any age unsupervised. Yes, you can obviously be held responsible if they come to harm during that time, but it doesn't really make any difference if they're 7 or 17.

Show quote history

If the government think highly enough of the NSPCC's recommendation to quote it on the gov.uk page for this subject, I don't think it particularly unlikely that a court would take it under consideration when considering negligence.

Richiewoo · 15/05/2025 12:22

No way can the 17 year old be responsible for a 15 year old

lifeonmars100 · 15/05/2025 12:24

Centuries ago my parents went away and left me (17) and my sister (15) and we were fine, well she was a little bugger and stayed out and the worry was horrible!, but we coped fine. We did have mates round but this was of course the pre phone era so it did not get wild. We were quite sensible and mature for our ages and I think this is the crux of the matter