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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

667 replies

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:15

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

OP posts:
AthWat · 15/05/2025 10:55

BrightBrickSnail · 15/05/2025 10:50

…I don’t get what you mean? I was talking about throwing a party that got out of hand and then for the following week having people turn up uninvited. And yes, as I said, I’m sure if I hadn’t had that party that wouldn’t have happened, hence why I take full responsibility because although my parents thought i was trustworthy, it would appear I was not.

Edited
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Yes you were in a previous post, but I don't think Ellephanting, who you replied to, was talking about that post when they spoke about scaremongering.

StopStartStop · 15/05/2025 10:56

I was home alone for a fortnight when I was sixteen. Wouldn't go with parents. Two problems - frozen shoulder (really painful and inconvenient) and the (neighbour's) dog (I was dog-sitting) kept staring at things that I couldn't see and creeping me out. Apart from that, fine. If they aren't generally foolish, let it happen. Especially if there's an aunt or grandparent around to call on if help needed.

BrightBrickSnail · 15/05/2025 10:58

AthWat · 15/05/2025 10:55

Yes you were in a previous post, but I don't think Ellephanting, who you replied to, was talking about that post when they spoke about scaremongering.

Show quote history

Okay, fair enough, I was just sharing my experience of what I did and the outcome of it. But if people think it’s inappropriate then I’m happy to bow out.

SmoothRoads · 15/05/2025 10:59

My parents regularly left me alone with my 3 year younger sibling at that age. We were fine. I actually enjoyed the quiet.

CoralOP · 15/05/2025 11:00

The problem most people seem to have is if they end up having a party.
Can I ask what would be soooo bad if they did?
Most of us are saying that we had parties when we were left and our houses were trashed, our parents were annoyed etc.

Why can all of our generations have parties and get upto nonsense but just because we are now older we point pblank refuse?

I'm sure our parents thought they better not have a party but they also let us prove if we did or not and deal with the consequences if we did.
It's worrying how different kids and teenagers are treat today and I don't think it's necessarily a good thing for when they do get older and can't really deal with life situations.

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:01

BrightBrickSnail · 15/05/2025 10:58

Okay, fair enough, I was just sharing my experience of what I did and the outcome of it. But if people think it’s inappropriate then I’m happy to bow out.

Show quote history

A post was made suggesting some people (those suggesting that hordes of uninvited kids would show up even if there was no party) were scaremongering.
You replied to that seeming to assume it applied to your post saying a completely different thing, that parties get out of hand.
I was just saying that the "scaremongering" post was never aimed at you in the first place.
I'm not sure where you get the idea I'm calling your original post inappropriate.

Floundering66 · 15/05/2025 11:01

No. I would say their option is to come on holiday or stay at their Dads and would take their keys away. They can stay at their dads and still see their friends etc, but there is a responsible adult to make sure they come home each night and keep an eye on them. It’s just a week so and they are minors so they will just have to suck up one option.

BrightBrickSnail · 15/05/2025 11:02

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:01

A post was made suggesting some people (those suggesting that hordes of uninvited kids would show up even if there was no party) were scaremongering.
You replied to that seeming to assume it applied to your post saying a completely different thing, that parties get out of hand.
I was just saying that the "scaremongering" post was never aimed at you in the first place.
I'm not sure where you get the idea I'm calling your original post inappropriate.

Show quote history

Oh okay, I’m sorry, I was just confused to be honest and I thought you were saying I was causing more potential stress which I didn’t want to do.

Bamboozled108 · 15/05/2025 11:03

We are going away in June with my family and 17 year old SS didn't want to come and then got excited about being left alone on his own for a week so "i could have mates over loads". I said no chance. Husband thought i was being unfair so we went away for 2 nights last week and gave SS a list of things he needed to do whilst away (empty dishwasher, take bins out, lock windows and doors, mop floor, not much). We got back, the back door was unlocked (he had been out all day and had been in the garden the day before), dishwasher not empty, bins all overflowing in the kitchen and floor not mopped. So my husband has agreed and said he clearly isn't mature enough. All depends on how mature they are. But if you think they will have a party then no way! Ss will either be staying at his mums when we are away or his grandparents

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:03

Floundering66 · 15/05/2025 11:01

No. I would say their option is to come on holiday or stay at their Dads and would take their keys away. They can stay at their dads and still see their friends etc, but there is a responsible adult to make sure they come home each night and keep an eye on them. It’s just a week so and they are minors so they will just have to suck up one option.

Again, leaving a 17 year old at home overnight or for several nights is perfectly allowable in the eyes of the law and the NSPCC.
It's entirely a decision for the OP whether the 17 year old is allowed to stay at home.

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:04

Bamboozled108 · 15/05/2025 11:03

We are going away in June with my family and 17 year old SS didn't want to come and then got excited about being left alone on his own for a week so "i could have mates over loads". I said no chance. Husband thought i was being unfair so we went away for 2 nights last week and gave SS a list of things he needed to do whilst away (empty dishwasher, take bins out, lock windows and doors, mop floor, not much). We got back, the back door was unlocked (he had been out all day and had been in the garden the day before), dishwasher not empty, bins all overflowing in the kitchen and floor not mopped. So my husband has agreed and said he clearly isn't mature enough. All depends on how mature they are. But if you think they will have a party then no way! Ss will either be staying at his mums when we are away or his grandparents

Edited

I mean the very fact that his first response was to say this should be a huge red flag.

Emonade · 15/05/2025 11:04

Springhare76 · 14/05/2025 23:52

Thanks all. Very helpful. My gut is telling me not to go although it's a shame as we have flights booked as they were supposed to come but we can reschedule.

Tell them they have to go with you or they have to go to their dads and they won’t have keys to your house?!

DoNoTakeNo · 15/05/2025 11:04

We did this, albeit “only” for 4 nights - it worked out perfectly fine. Parameters were clearly laid out, including food, transport & takeaway budgets, so we all knew the basics.
Of course they had friends over, it’s what teens do. We just agreed it in advance with them, and everything went well.

Grammarnut · 15/05/2025 11:04

Never. They are likely to invite friends over and your house will be wrecked. They need to stay with their Dad.
I see you've booked flights for them. So they are going with you - or they stay at their dad's, no other options - take keys off them so they can't sneek back, too.

BelfastBard · 15/05/2025 11:06

17 year old, I’d say would be fine. I had left home and was running my own household at that age. 15 years old… on a practical level I’d say they’d be okay but I still wouldn’t do it personally. And certainly not for 6 days.

Hwi · 15/05/2025 11:11

We live in a society, shameful society where nobody asks 'is it OK to leave a 11-year old young carer to wipe the caree's arse, remember the tablets, feed them and never have an undisturbed day in their young lives' - that is what my neighbour's daughter is doing.

Yet we ask if it is OK to leave 2 almost adult people to wipe their own arses and make their own food, without any medical needs attended to, on their own, for 2 weeks.

Sad state of affairs.

TheEveningReport · 15/05/2025 11:12

I wouldn’t. Is there anyone that can stay in the house with them?

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 15/05/2025 11:15

AthWat · 15/05/2025 10:46

Not overnight, according to the NSPCC. I think if something did happen you could be in trouble. Although depending on the something, that might be the least of your worries.
But say someone sued you because their car was damaged by drunk kids coming out of your house where you'd left a 15 year old alone overnight - I think that would harm your case if you were denying responsibility.

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The actual law does leave it more in parents hands/judgement the NSPCC is just guidance.

I think the NSPCC say you shouldn't leave under 12 alone for any length of time - my eldest was 11 all of Y7 first year of secondary due to late Aug birthday and as her head of year said 11 going on 35 - the most sensible kid out there - plus childcare that age doesn't really exist locally.

But as you say it's all fine till something goes wrong and you have to justify your decision to outside agencies - but you can leave an under 16 overnight and we have - nothing bad happened because they are sensible kids - we could get back in dire emergencies and they had local support if needed. I'd be happy to go though our reasoning with anyone as well.

I think actaully it will be harder to leave youngest rapidly coming up to 16 alone by herself overnight next year when both siblings are at uni - as she'd be by herself and likely to worry more.

In OP situation there is a better option - they stay at their dad's for a week whether they are keen on idea or not or go on hoilday - they have a choice it's just not what they want.

lovescats3 · 15/05/2025 11:16

a hard no, bring them with you, they are getting a Free holiday

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:17

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 15/05/2025 11:15

The actual law does leave it more in parents hands/judgement the NSPCC is just guidance.

I think the NSPCC say you shouldn't leave under 12 alone for any length of time - my eldest was 11 all of Y7 first year of secondary due to late Aug birthday and as her head of year said 11 going on 35 - the most sensible kid out there - plus childcare that age doesn't really exist locally.

But as you say it's all fine till something goes wrong and you have to justify your decision to outside agencies - but you can leave an under 16 overnight and we have - nothing bad happened because they are sensible kids - we could get back in dire emergencies and they had local support if needed. I'd be happy to go though our reasoning with anyone as well.

I think actaully it will be harder to leave youngest rapidly coming up to 16 alone by herself overnight next year when both siblings are at uni - as she'd be by herself and likely to worry more.

In OP situation there is a better option - they stay at their dad's for a week whether they are keen on idea or not or go on hoilday - they have a choice it's just not what they want.

Show quote history

The NSPCC of course don't make the law but their advice, quoted on the gov.uk website, is unequivocal - "children under 16 should not be left alone overnight".

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:18

Grammarnut · 15/05/2025 11:04

Never. They are likely to invite friends over and your house will be wrecked. They need to stay with their Dad.
I see you've booked flights for them. So they are going with you - or they stay at their dad's, no other options - take keys off them so they can't sneek back, too.

Edited

Did/do you have this little trust in your own children?

AnonymousBleep · 15/05/2025 11:19

AthWat · 15/05/2025 10:46

Not overnight, according to the NSPCC. I think if something did happen you could be in trouble. Although depending on the something, that might be the least of your worries.
But say someone sued you because their car was damaged by drunk kids coming out of your house where you'd left a 15 year old alone overnight - I think that would harm your case if you were denying responsibility.

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It wouldn't be your responsibility if drunk kids trashed someone's car, if you owned the house they'd been drinking at. If anyone it would be their parents.

Also there are no laws about leaving children on their own at any age. In British law, it's up to their guardian to decide whether they're responsible enough.

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:22

AnonymousBleep · 15/05/2025 11:19

It wouldn't be your responsibility if drunk kids trashed someone's car, if you owned the house they'd been drinking at. If anyone it would be their parents.

Also there are no laws about leaving children on their own at any age. In British law, it's up to their guardian to decide whether they're responsible enough.

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You state that very definitely. What's that based on?

I think that you possibly could be held partially responsible, especially if the offending kids couldn't be traced, in that your failure to supervise your 15 year old had led to the situation - not because "you owned the house they had been drinking at".

Do you have case law or something saying different?

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 15/05/2025 11:25

AthWat · 15/05/2025 11:17

The NSPCC of course don't make the law but their advice, quoted on the gov.uk website, is unequivocal - "children under 16 should not be left alone overnight".

Show quote history

It is guaidnce from a charity - not law - it's their interpation of the law - not the actual law and them being unequivocal doesn't change that.

The actual law allows for paretal discretion and judgement - so you can legally leave an under 16 alone - and many parents can and do with no consquences.

I can see why the government website goes to failry conservative estimates and cites a well know charity as back up - as lets face it some people will always push boundaries - You may not like it but it's allowed legally.

Docwillseeyounow · 15/05/2025 11:25

@Bamboozled108 And what where the consequences for not doing what was required of him?