Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

[Springhare76]

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

17 year olds are not adult by law but can live alone if they choose to. You can't kick them out of the house, but they can leave.
15 year olds, obviously different.

I was left home alone on my own age 16 for 2 weeks and I was perfectly fine. no one thought anything of it. I did have a friend stay over for a few days but we were sensible. I was working and took myself off to work each day. this was back in the early 90s though when kids were given more responsibility and left to grow up quicker without being molly coddled by parents. Many of my friends had left home and had their own flats or houses by this age too. A few even had a child of their own at 16.

I invited a few for a small party one night (I think about 15-20?). A lot more turned up (about 50) and then, as I said later, various people kept turning up at my door throughout the week. I blame myself entirely, it’s my fault, I shouldnt have done it in the first place, I should have been stronger and said no, I was a nightmare teen. But also it got out of control in ways I couldn’t have expected.

I agree, and it'll do them absolutely no favours for the future. This is why you get threads on here saying grown men aren't capable of cooking a meal, or teenagers not knowing how to cook, or use a washer, teenagers seeing their parents as taxi services. This isn't preparing them for the real world.

Respect should be instilled in your kids, it is disgusting if they would trash the house, unless they have some sort of additional needs. That is obviously entirely different. If I read this thread without knowing the ages, I would guess 12 and 14, or younger. Some major hyperbole on here.

My parents went to the USA for a fortnight when I was 16. I was totally fine.

If your DC are not the type to take this as a party opportunity I think it’s fine, especially as dad would be close by to help in an emergency.

You absolutely can.

I’ve left mine at that age. Both sensible and they were absolutely fine.
Christ I lived on my own at 17

This was 30 years ago but Mum went off to France when I was 17 and left me in the house for at least a week, I didn't have a party would have been terrified of anything happening to the house. They also sent that cat to the cattery so they didn't have to rely on me feeding it. I did at one point cook myself a chicken leg straight out of the freezer, I ended up cooking it for something like 90 mins until it was the right colour, and somehow avoid giving myself food poisoning. This is still my overriding memory, maybe it's why I'm a vegetarian now. I think the following year, when I was 18 she also left my sister with me. My kids are younger, oldest is 13, and right now don't see myself doing this with them, maybe times have changed.

If the 17yr old is sensible, then yes. I would. I left my 16yr old at home when he decided family holidays weren't for him. It was fine.

My DF did this, we were same ages. Resulted in underage drinking, a pregnancy scare, a report to social services and damaged house.

Mine did! We were 16 and 14.

After all, one of these kids is old enough to be married.

My parents also flew home from Spain, leaving me and my 16 year old friend there and to fly home, after our two week holiday.

Depends on the DC’s.

If you are not sure, I would make an arrangement with their DF, not necessarily that they stay with him, but if he is in agreement, that he is responsible for them and will check in daily. Save you worrying.

No. Can't believe you're even asking

It's not the leaving of a 17 yo - I would be happy with that, and you hopefully know your DC well enough to know whether parties/partners staying etc are likely or not.

The issue is leaving the 15yo. If something happened to the 17yo, how would they cope? If the house caught fire, or the 17yo fell in the shower, or cut themselves badly etc is the younger one responsible enough to deal with it? Id it fair to expect them to deal with it? Will the 17yo come home every night or be staying at a mates/girlfiends etc?

No WAY would I do this.

Yeah, I dont think anyone is saying parties can't get out of hand. The question is whether two kids having a quiet night in will be besieged by hundreds of kids who've found out their parents are not home.

Idk… I was left at home alone when my parents went on holiday (because I had school or exams) since around 15 years old.

Bonkers!

Not overnight, according to the NSPCC. I think if something did happen you could be in trouble. Although depending on the something, that might be the least of your worries.
But say someone sued you because their car was damaged by drunk kids coming out of your house where you'd left a 15 year old alone overnight - I think that would harm your case if you were denying responsibility.

Is that a fact or just your opinion?

My parents frequently left us alone with my older brother when we were teens. Yes we had company and stayed up late but also we teamed up to clear and blitz our home (and did a great job!). I remember these days with so much love, one of the rare healthy mone is of my dysfunctional growing up. I'd trust and have a chat about vlwanliness and what ok and what not, and absolutely would leave them do their own thing.

I think this thread shows how children are completely babied nowadays. A 17 and 15 year old should be perfectly capable of looking after themselves for a week, especially as their Dad is in around if needed. If you don't trust them not to have parties and trash your house, well that's another matter.

…I don’t get what you mean? I was talking about throwing a party that got out of hand and then for the following week having people turn up uninvited. And yes, as I said, I’m sure if I hadn’t had that party that wouldn’t have happened, hence why I take full responsibility because although my parents thought i was trustworthy, it would appear I was not.

Don’t cancel, just give them the option. Holiday or dads. They have a choice, home alone isn’t an option.

Gradually build up to more time, further away but don’t start with a week away in a different country.

I was left alone at about 14 - 15 years old for the odd week here and there, but I was a very switched on teenager and was more than capable of looking after myself. Only had a party once and tidied it all up. I personally wouldn’t have any issue with this at all if you trust the children. My parents were very trusting and I didn’t take the piss and they checked in on me everyday, if anything it made me more independent. They even let me choose my own meals and do all my own food shopping… personally I loved it.

DS1 doesn't sound grown up enough if there's a risk of him having a party, let alone look after a sibling. You know they won't clear up that well after themselves either, so that's demonstrating another reason not to leave them.

I left DD on her own at 17, but I could totally trust her not to have parties. She was able to cook, clean up and as it happened messaged each she wanted friends around to make sure we were happy with that she was doing. Also, I have a friend who literally lives over the back, her Uncle lives in the village and I have some very good friends who she'd have been happy to immediately call on.