Can I leave a 15 and 17 year old alone for 6 days whilst I go on holiday?

[Springhare76]

DH, DS3 and I have booked to go to Turkey for May half term. DS1 17 and DS2, 15, don't want to come as they want to stay in London to hang out with their friends, do sport etc. Both are getting to the age when they don't really want to go on holiday with their mum and stepdad. I had arranged for them to stay with their dad who lives 10 minutes away but they say they want to stay in the house and do their own thing (they're not overly keen on their dad). In any event, even if they did stay with him then they both have keys to the house and would definitely come and hang out here and stay over. Question is, is it safe to leave them alone at this age? They are both tough and self sufficient but probably won't be great at clearing up after themselves and there is a moderate risk DS1 will have a party or at a minimum invite friends over although I don't think he'd be really silly and invite loads. I feel guilty for going away without them but at the same time need a break and to spend some time with DS3 and DH who I barely see due to work schedules (pass like ships in the night). Thoughts?

I go abroad in 3 weeks, my son will be 6 weeks off being 18, he will be staying home as he don't wanna come with us. His Grandparents on both sides will come over to check the house and they'll cook dinner for him. He's perfectly responsible, can cook, clean and do his laundry etc. He will definitely have friends over for sure but they're all good kids. I don't see an issue if they're responsible enough. Only we know our own children and their capabilities

I was left at 17 for a week younger sibling went - parenst didn't offer to take me though was working summer job- only bad thing that happened was a strange man turning up in the back garden with tent he set up. He did eventually come and say he was a friend of older brother's polite but I was fairly freaked out - and older brother and friends expected to stay the night - my parents had said no to brother staying over - he moved out year or so earlier.

It was hard but I said no and stuck to it - citing neighbours watching - and they did eventually leave.

DD1 at 17 struggled to say no to a friend stopping overnight after row with mother- and friend was trying to push her into it - DD1 clearly wasn't keen - we were there in house hearing it all and said no walked her home. Oddly don't think younger two would have had any issue saying no outright.

There is another parent they could turn to if anything got out of hand - but honestly if I thought a party was a possblity I'd say no they can't stop and have a choice on hoilday or at their Dad - wouldn't cancel bookings either.

No way I'd be leaving them in charge of your home at this age as from the party point of view if nothing else it's a recipe for disaster. I think they need to stay with their dad OP and as such, he becomes the responsible parent at that point so it's on him to supervise accordingly. It's a clear choice for them - stay with Dad or come on holiday to Turkey. There's not a chance I'd be cancelling and spoiling it for yourself, your DH.and DS3 just because at 15 and 17 they don't want to join you on the family holiday.

My sibling and I were left at the very same age for a week. We did have a small gathering, but certainly didn't trash the house. We were respectful kids. We were also self sufficient, and more than capable of looking after ourselves. I was also a good cook, and baker! Life skills are important to instill in your kids.

I left my son at 17 to go abroad for a week, didn’t even think twice about it and nobody questioned it. Only you know your kids and what they’re likely to get up to. Personally if they are generally wellbehaved and Dad is just down the road I would do it.

Agree with this. I sometimes wonder, reading these posts, if I am a neglectful parent as if I go away for the weekend, I leave my 15-year-old at home. He's the only person apart from myself who I fully trust to look after our dogs! Obviously it does come down to the kid, and mine is reliable and can cook and is naturally tidy (yes I've lucked out there), but I have a friend who still gets a babysitter for his 16-year-old son and that's just insane to me. I was babysitting myself at the age of 12! I'm the oldest of five though so was just expected to chip in with looking after the others and had to grow up pretty quickly, and I suppose that's got a lot to do with it as I expect the same from my own children. But I do think people helicopter parent a lot these days, too. You can get married at 16! Surely you can be left alone for a couple of hours without setting the house on fire or drinking bleach!

Overnight, yes. 6 days, no.

My parents used to leave me and my brother at that age. We had massive parties and took loads of drugs / drank booze and smoked,
Absolutely no way would I leave my teens.

Can't he cook himself rather than grandparents?

You can get married at 16!

Not in England and Wales you can't any more - fairly recent law change.

You can still in Scotland and N.I.

Neither of them is adult by law. Going out for a day is one thing flying out of the country for a week- mad to consider it.

It happened to me in 1992 waaaay before social media. Over 100 people turned up to my parents' house (we lived in the middle of nowhere at the time so it was a long walk too). So yeah there's even more scope for it these days!

Just go, they go to their dad's as planned and take their keys off them so they can't nip home.
If you think there is a moderate risk they'll have parties then no chance would I leave them at home alone.

If you were determined enough, you could run away to Gretna Green.

But it was just to illustrate that 16 isn't really a child any more.

😄 I’ll bet that’s comforting for the OP!

My issue is more along the lines of ‘I don’t think they’ll lock up properly at night’. It’s really dependent on the kid isn’t it.

On MN people treat 17 years olds like they're 12. I suppose only you know you own kids, and if they're responsible, , and capable of sticking a wash on, making a meal, being respectful etc. All kids are different, I'd expect a 17 year old without any additional needs to be able to take care of themselves during this small amount of time. At 18 you can go on a 2 week holiday with your friends! Some of these comments are excessive!
At 15, I worked part time, could cook, wash, iron and was very self sufficient.

No, find a friend who will stay at your house or even their dad if you are able. Do not leave them alone.

Jeez, that’s worse than my situation! It gives me palpitations just thinking about how stressful it was to manage, over 100 is crazy!

I wouldn’t. The 15yr old especially. But then if you ‘make’ them come with you then they’ll moan that the 17yr old can and it’s not fair!
They’d be given a choice. They either come on the holiday, or they stay with their dad/grandparents/aunt etc etc
To be honest, the 15 yr old wouldn’t haven’t even been given the option of staying at home.

Nope. And I wouldn't be losing out on the holiday either. So they either come with as planned or stay with their dad. And I'd remove their keys to your house before they go.

Surely, from your post, you invited them?

I had a baby and my own place at 17 and my 15 year old sister stayed all the time. People on here treat 17 year olds like young children

Luckily my best friend is super-bossy and she policed everyone in my parents' house! It was surprisingly not a big disaster, most people just sat outside smoking on the lawn until dawn.

I get that - you can still leave school at 16 and go straight to work in Wales and can vote in welsh elections.

However 16 is a grey area - sometime in some parts of UK considered an adult other times not.

I think laws are catching up to changes in how 16 year old are seen which has changed over the past few decades.

I know you can't enter into loan agreements under 18 - summer born DD1 had extra step with student loan becuase of that - so assume renting at 16 could be an issue as well.

My IL and parents left school at 15 -16 and went straight into workplaces - they were adults much younger - higher rents and longer educations means kids aren't as independent as before however parents raise them - life and society haved moved on.

Was there a party to start with though? Uninvited guests turning up at parties, yes. Uninvited guests turning up and starting parties against the will of the occupants, which I believe is what the poster you replied to is referring to, I don't think can happen unless your kids are the type to be bullied into it. Which a parent ought to know. If you think your kids can't be trusted not to hold a party if you tell them not to, then no, don't leave them alone. But I wouldn't be concerned people will come round, force their way in and start one if your kids have no intention of holding one.