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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Child has been missing since 9pm - frantic !

449 replies

MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 04:03

I don’t even know if anyone is awake to read this but my neurodivergent 13 yr old son left the house quietly at 9pm and hasn’t come home . I caught him out about something pretty awful he had done, and he denied it and left rather than deal with it / talk about it , he left.

We live in central London and he’s gone without keys , phone or money . After 2 hours driving around looking for him, l reported to the police and they have him now listed as a vulnerable missing person but l’m going out of my mind .

Has any other parent experienced this ? My head is going to a thousand awful scenarios …it’s 4 am now and so cold .

OP posts:
highlandponymummy · 08/05/2025 05:13

Hope he soon comes home xx

allwillbe · 08/05/2025 05:14

So sorry this is happening for you. Had similar incidents with my teen ND daughter. Also just slipping out for a walk at all hours when we were all asleep. Horrendous worrying times. Always call the police. Sure he will be home soon but the worry i understand is excruciating

FarAwayBird · 08/05/2025 05:16

Nothing much helpful to add - except I’m here, offering another handhold! I’m sure he’ll be back in a couple of hours and you can have a well deserved sleep! ❤️

beasmithwentworth · 08/05/2025 05:21

Hi OP. Hope you are ok. I have an ND teen and mine has done this before.. including jumping out of the car at traffic lights and running off with no phone after an argument.
I think there is often a lot of ‘act first, think later’ isn’t there? The emotional disregulation and feelings of overwhelm can be quite daunting can’t they?

I suspect that it might take a few hours for them to process, get bored and realise they are better off at home. I totally understand how scary it must be feeling but these things pretty much always work out ok. It’s just this bit that they put is through which is petrifying. They have no idea as they are teens!

i hope he’s either home or puts an end to your worry soon.

My DD always acts like nothing has happened by the time the scary episode is over - completely back to normal as she has regulated herself by then. And don’t be feeling guilty about taking his phone. You just did what any parent would do. There are usually no signs that they are going to do something like this.

Wishing you all the best.

wowwhataday · 08/05/2025 05:22

Hoping he’s home soon

ResultsMayVary · 08/05/2025 05:30

Is there a local park he goes to? Lots of teens love hanging out in parks. Hopefully he feels cold and heads home soon.

HagHaggis · 08/05/2025 05:30

Have the police advised you to do anything? Post on local Facebook groups? Sometimes it can feel better to be actively doing something rather than waiting. I think I'd be driving around. Could he be in an all night supermarket or fast food place?

Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 05:34

ByChirpyCoralUser · 08/05/2025 05:08

Been in your situation. I know it's scary, and I was super scared at the time (and imagining all sorts of stuff having happened to them), but our child ended up being fine - they wandered around for hours relatively safely and then got a friend to sneak them into their house. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Thank you for understanding . No answer from his couple of friends phones but police will be taking that over.

OP posts:
Feelingmuchbetter · 08/05/2025 05:36

Any update op?

He has impulsively left because he is upset and angry, such a massively worrying situation for you. He is likely to be just fine op, we live in a very safe country generally. Most people will be concerned for him, do try not to worry - impossible I know.

Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 05:37

HagHaggis · 08/05/2025 05:30

Have the police advised you to do anything? Post on local Facebook groups? Sometimes it can feel better to be actively doing something rather than waiting. I think I'd be driving around. Could he be in an all night supermarket or fast food place?

I drove around for 2 hours before reporting to police . I have his brother at home who is scared , and l was a bit worried he might come home and go out again if l wasn’t here . Don’t think l was in a state to drive but when my husband comes l’ll go out again . Dunno about social media …feel a bit worried about hoax’s etc as a friend said that happens ?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 05:40

Feelingmuchbetter · 08/05/2025 05:36

Any update op?

He has impulsively left because he is upset and angry, such a massively worrying situation for you. He is likely to be just fine op, we live in a very safe country generally. Most people will be concerned for him, do try not to worry - impossible I know.

No update yet ..he was upset and his ADHD means he’s emotionally dis-regulated when under stress . The police asked me a couple of times if he was suicidal which hasn’t helped . I don’t think he is but now l’m thinking that many unfortunate parents have also thought that !

OP posts:
Feelingmuchbetter · 08/05/2025 05:41

Just follow the advice from the police at this stage, they are trained to know exactly what to do. I really hope he will soon be at home with you op.

TheLandslideWillBringItDown · 08/05/2025 05:42

Just posting as a handhold OP, I'm sure he will be back in a few hours with his tail between his legs. Sending positive thoughts 💐

Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 05:42

ResultsMayVary · 08/05/2025 05:30

Is there a local park he goes to? Lots of teens love hanging out in parks. Hopefully he feels cold and heads home soon.

I drove around the parks but it was dark and they were locked . He might have jumped over the fences but l couldn’t . Going back out as soon as his dad gets here . Thanks for the suggestion though.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 05:44

Feelingmuchbetter · 08/05/2025 05:41

Just follow the advice from the police at this stage, they are trained to know exactly what to do. I really hope he will soon be at home with you op.

In my head they are sitting there doing nothing ( untrue l know ) so l’m trying to trust them as the experts .

OP posts:
Feelingmuchbetter · 08/05/2025 05:44

MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 05:40

No update yet ..he was upset and his ADHD means he’s emotionally dis-regulated when under stress . The police asked me a couple of times if he was suicidal which hasn’t helped . I don’t think he is but now l’m thinking that many unfortunate parents have also thought that !

Show quote history

Yes he has become deregulated but this will blow over. He will eventually calm down. I imagine the police are worried as its quite unusual to leave without a phone or money, but if he was feeling deregulated he wouldn’t have thought to pick them up.

Do you know where his friends live?

Feelingmuchbetter · 08/05/2025 05:45

In your place if you do know their addresses I would be going there now if the police haven’t been already. I wouldn’t mind being woken up if my friends child was missing, they might be able to help.

CalicoPusscat · 08/05/2025 05:45

I really hope his dad gets back soon x

Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 05:46

beasmithwentworth · 08/05/2025 05:21

Hi OP. Hope you are ok. I have an ND teen and mine has done this before.. including jumping out of the car at traffic lights and running off with no phone after an argument.
I think there is often a lot of ‘act first, think later’ isn’t there? The emotional disregulation and feelings of overwhelm can be quite daunting can’t they?

I suspect that it might take a few hours for them to process, get bored and realise they are better off at home. I totally understand how scary it must be feeling but these things pretty much always work out ok. It’s just this bit that they put is through which is petrifying. They have no idea as they are teens!

i hope he’s either home or puts an end to your worry soon.

My DD always acts like nothing has happened by the time the scary episode is over - completely back to normal as she has regulated herself by then. And don’t be feeling guilty about taking his phone. You just did what any parent would do. There are usually no signs that they are going to do something like this.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank you SO much ..your experience has helped and calmed me a bit. He is impulsive ..and childish for his age ..so rarely thinks things through. I hope he is cold and hungry enough to impulsively come home. Xx

OP posts:
TwelveBlueSocks · 08/05/2025 05:46

Hi, I'm awake now and thinking of you here. I hope things are going okay there. The police will be working hard to find him. Take care of yourself there. I hope he comes back for food soon.

HagHaggis · 08/05/2025 05:48

Feelingmuchbetter · 08/05/2025 05:45

In your place if you do know their addresses I would be going there now if the police haven’t been already. I wouldn’t mind being woken up if my friends child was missing, they might be able to help.

Also this. I've dropped big plans before to go out looking for a missing friends son (and we weren't close at all), it was no problem and I would hope people would do the same for me and mine.

Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 05:48

Feelingmuchbetter · 08/05/2025 05:45

In your place if you do know their addresses I would be going there now if the police haven’t been already. I wouldn’t mind being woken up if my friends child was missing, they might be able to help.

I only have a vague idea of where they live ..the kids usually come here . I’m going to keep ringing the phones.

OP posts:
Telemichus · 08/05/2025 05:49

This is going to sound stupid, but have you rechecked your whole house & garden?
I hope he shows up soon.

Original poster
MrsLighthouse · 08/05/2025 05:51

TwelveBlueSocks · 08/05/2025 05:46

Hi, I'm awake now and thinking of you here. I hope things are going okay there. The police will be working hard to find him. Take care of yourself there. I hope he comes back for food soon.

Thank you ..l feel a bit more positive now it’s light .

OP posts:
Feelingmuchbetter · 08/05/2025 05:52

Maybe once this is over - lock the windows and doors from the inside so he can’t get out. We did this when our children were young, due to a toddler escaping from a friends house - scared us all so much. Going forward that would be wise.

And if you haven’t got one a punchbag for him to use to get his anger out of his body, he can aggressively punch it for as long as he needs.

These are all solutions to keep him safer in the future. You can help him recognise when the deregulation is beginning, this will be hard as he won’t always know himself. It will help if he visualises it as a storm cloud that will pass, and has learnt strategies.

What happened to trigger this? Is it linked in some way to him leaving?